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Kalikapsychosis - "Perfection is what its about. When you can feel, the perfection, of creation. The beauty of physics, the wonder of mathematics all the elation of action, and reaction, and that is the kind of perfection that I want to be connected to" - Sam, hooked into the data stream

Excerpt - Book Five

January 18th 2012 11:32
Daemondra charged through the undergrowth. Her arms pumped in rythym to her feet thudding dully against the mouldy leaf litter. She loved running - exerting herself fully, like this - normally to run in this way would be enough to have her spirit soaring and that energy of hers throbbing for use.

Now she just felt an ache in her chest. A hot tear squeezed out from one of her hard eyelids. With a low growl that bared a few teeth she leapt forward and pushed herself to new speed.

He had to be there. He HAD to be there!

She was almost there. The crossing over the canal, usually so difficult, she barely remembered. She was in dragon territory now, in the lower quater, very close to the border of the human settlement. Not far to the cave, not far at all.

Their place.

With a final thrust that almost burst her chest she broke through the final broken dry edges of canopy and saw a glimpse of shining, pale green. Her breath escaped in a grateful sob, tears running free now.

"EMERALD!" She screamed.

She barely felt the thud as their bodies came together. All she could feel was his warmth, his arms. He ran a talon over her shoulder, so soft the touch. His claws were fully retracted.

"Emerald" She whispered, kissing the hard shell of his beak between his nostrils and kissing down to the crease of his lips. So soft there. No scales. He could feel every sensation.

"Dee Dee..." He breathed, ruffling her hair gently. "What's the matter?"

"You Fool!" She yelled pushing him away and glaring at him "The attack, it was so...disorganised. I didnt have time to warn you. I didnt know..." She held her sobs in now, when in front of him, letting her chest jolt as she refused to let the tears flow.

He smiled, as dragons smile. All in the eyes, with the slightest crinkling around the edges of his lips. His eyes were so beautiful, so deep and brown. He knew of course, he knew how much she loved him. Even though she was Daemondra, Conquerer of Nations, Poison's right hand, the one to dissolve the boundaries of Divisia, he knew her inside. She bowed her head, tears slipping out as he took her into his arms again, and pulled her close to his chest. So warm, for all that the Harpies called them cold lizards, they were really so warm. He wrapped his wings around her as well, and for some time she was lost in the sensations he wove, that feeling, that energy she gave off at times like this intoxicating him like fine wine would a human.

Afterwards, they lay together on the feather soft grass they had layed there, resting against each other. Every now and then, one would have an involuntary skin flick, and scale would rub on scale, tingling bodies with the pleasure not long past, and still ringing with.

She relaxed against him, tossing her long black hair. "How many did you lose today?" She asked softly. She felt him tense against her.

"Is that a tactical question, or do you really want to know?" He asked harshly. Now she stiffened.

"How can you lie with me then if -"

"Shh, Shh De Dee..." He took her hand and sighed. "The war isnt what it was." His hand tightened "Before, when it started....It was almost....Well, fun wasnt it?" He looked up into her eyes. She nodded. She knew exactly how he felt.

He dropped her hand and stretched back, pulling his wings up and rubbing his eyes. He let forth a huge sigh, knowing he doomed his kin with every breath.

"The army is gone." He said shortly.

"What? But we saw hundreds of you flying away"

He shook his head. "We made a tentative friend in the unicorns. It was an illusion. There was only me, RubyWing and BlueNerain flying away. Rubywing is very badly hurt. Poison will be happy to hear that, Im sure." That last was bitter.

Rubywing was Poison's father.

"I dont report everything you tell me you know" She said softly.

"But he knows! You say that but he knows! Always! And I dont trust you, I dont believe your damn lies and still I come..." He buried his head in his talons and cried. He was really so young. They both were. "And now all my kin are gone....Damn this war!"

She stroked his back softly. There was nothing she could say. It was she who single handedly dealt them a death blow. "You underestimate him" She whispered.

"What" He muttered, "Who?"

"Poison..." She breathed, aware that she was breaking trust, telling secrets, but unable to help herself. "He is now able to track all life forms all over Divisia....I used to believe that he didnt know I was still coming here, but I cant believe that any more. He knows. He must simply allow it."

Emerald looked up at her. "He cant be everywhere at once - he's not omnipotent! Even if he HAS the ability to know where all living things are, he cant track them all at once! No, he needs you, needs you roaming, transmitting, killing. Needs you to come here so he can rip the knowledge from your mind and slaughter us all!"

He raised his head on long coiled neck like he might strike, but she remained relaxed in the curve of his body. His claws werent even out. Even if they were, she was so much faster. He would be dead in an instant.

Except that he was the one she had not been able to kill. Her initial mission had been to seduce and kill the petty generals - a reversal of the old dragon female seducing a man legend in the human village. Rubywing and BlueNerian were alive because they had resisted her. Emerald was alive because she had fallen in love with him.

She had killed the others.

She jumped at the sudden sensation, his claw running down her cheek. She had drifted off into silence, and he tried to follow, as usual.

"How long until you leave for Alcordia?" He asked.

"I'm to ride out tomorrow morning." She looked furtively at the sky.

His dark eyes were hard. "They'll kill you"

"Thats just what you have been raised to believe. No body knows if -"

"Dont give me your goddamn war propaganda!" He screamed. "They CAME from us. WE put them where they are because we KNOW what they are! You cant go there," He gulped, "Dee....You cant....They'll eat you, Oh Lords of Divisia" He wept, his body shuddered, "They will! My beautiful, my lovely Daemondra....They wont care what you are, you look human, and they'll eat you alive...."

"Shhh My Love," She whispered, drawing her palm softly over his face, closing his eyes. He was traumatized from the battle. He was talking nonsense. How could he know anything about the White Serpents? He had never been there - no one had.

She put him into a tranquil sleep with ease. She didnt want him to be awake when she left anyway - he always begged her to run away with him, away from the war. But war was all she was.

She couldnt prevent a small smile of satisfaction. So, the dragons were destroyed? Work well done. She'd keep Emerald safe, so he could live in the new world with her.

After she won, of course.

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If you dont watch anime, you will have no idea what Im talking about. You have been warned.

Id like to start off this post by saying that FMA Brotherhood has been the most enjoyable anime I have ever seen. Usually for me anime is visually spectacular with incredibly thought provoking concepts. FMA has indeed been that, but it also made a personal connection with me to the point where I immensely enjoyed every single second. We first came to the party only last year - We watched the first series, loosely based on the original manga, then went into coniptions at the ending of The conquerer of Shamballa as did 90% of the fans. Luckily for us, we didnt have to wait years to see the final and correct conclusion as FMA brotherhood was now released and waiting for us to discover it.

FMA is usually loosely described as a story of two brothers who attempt to bring their mother back from the dead. It seems provocative just on its own, but one glimpse at this anime and you know its going much deeper than that. Why attempt the impossible when they had a loving granny? Well, for starters, Edward just happens to be an alchemic genius, so believes it to be within his grasp, and really the reasoning behind this series is right there.

Edward Elric.



I could go on...And on...And on... But Im here to talk about the end. I hate endings I tell you, even if, as they say, its not really an ending, but a new beginning.

Our antagonist, Father, wants to be God. Why? Its not a human urge, its not driven by any of the typical human emotions, for the simple reason that Father is not human. Father wants to be on the mortal coil - he is removed from it, a being brought into life by artificial means. A science experiment. Once gaining a human form and effective immortality, the next logical step is to evolve - to God. This is the path humans follow in the great universal life cycle - dark to life, life to light. Father has no way of evolving in this way and all of his evil acts are in fact only natural to him. Father never acts maliciosly simply for the sake of it, all of his actions are driven by his goal.

In this, antagonist and protagonist are exactly the same. Edwards only goal is to restore his brother's body - he says, constantly that the goal is to 'get OUR bodies back' but its BS, watch only one episode and you can see its BS.

Edward is driven by guilt. He took the gifts he was given by nature - natural gifts and intelligence - and in his arrogance went against the flow of life. In the gate of Truth, he met his equal, he knew what he had done wrong. He knew he could not go against the flow of life. But when he was returned to his body, bleeding and dying and terrified, crushed in every way, he realized he was alone.

And in that moment, he forgot the lesson of Truth and threw everything into the ether to have his brother back. It isnt adressed directly in the anime, but I can only imagine how the next few days killed his spirit. Half his limbs gone, and his brother now locked in a hollow shell. The only thing that drives him now is guilt, to correct this action at any cost. To pay for his selfishness.

In the early episodes its clear Edward is caught up in the journey, the adventure. The immediate pain has dulled, and Ed can be a little brat again. Brattish behaviour is obviously natural to him. But as time wears on and he has to face his brother again and again, its clear Eds spirit is failing.

I think this is most obvious in the episode where Edward tells Scar to kill him. He wants to be released from this responsability, this guilt. I think when Alphonse tells him no matter what, its he that must go on, he realizes that even though all of this is completely his fault, Al still loves him, forgives him, and would choose Ed to live over his own self, if he could.

But back to the end.

Father acquires God. I can only imagine that what he has been able to absorb is only a small part, an essence of the oneness but not the complete one-ness itself. Father is then weakened by Hoenhiem's plot - the millions of newly acquired souls are pulled from him. Without power, the God essence is desperate to return to the flow. Father is determined to retain his form. There is a series of explosions and Al is immobilzed, his metal tomb of a body is wrecked. Ed is pinned, one armed, his automail destroyed. There is no one now that can stop Father as he desperately clings to life, advancing on Ed to absorb his life essence.

And Al reverses the transmutation to give Ed his arm back.

I dont believe Ive ever seen such a well animated scene. Ed has grown so much, and learnt so much, you could really believe at this point that he had let it go. Leaping into the fight with only one arm - He shows a spirit in these final moments that has grown so far from that guilty child.

But in that moment, when he sees what Al is about to do, the scream, the desperation, he cant let it be.....It was his mistake, and he has to be the one to fix it....

When he sees his arm returned, he's almost completely undone. In a micro second, you can see the despair that is about to overwealm him.

And in that instant, he forgives himself. Instead of weeping, he screams in joy, "Al, You did it!" and channels his rage into the final fight. It seems in the next few moments the entire country is screaming Eds name, urging him on.

Complete emotional personal forgiveness. Loved by the masses for selfless gifts. Personal sacrifice for no gain. These are the acts of an enlightened being. No matter what happens now, this day, this man, this moment, will be known for hundreds of years. Written about, depicted in artworks and statues, spoken in hushed whispers to children as stories, and even perhaps become a part of national slang - "He was as angry as Edward Elric on the day of the Apocalypse" and dont forget for the next 10 years at least, parents will name their sons 'Edward' in honour of their saviour.

When Father is defeated, Al should be dead. When Edward returns, Al should have gone through the gate. His body only waited for his soul and now that they are complete they should have gone through - the gate has waited about 10 years after all.

But the gate and truth are one. This ether world and its sentinels exist only for us, the progression of our souls. Our evolution to light. If Al chooses to wait, who says he cant? Its his ether, his eternity.

To me it seems the ether is waiting with baited breath. Edward cant accept any toll that is offered because destiny is upon him now. Truth taunts him but knows that he cant really control him any longer. That smile of Eds as he says, "This is my portal - so I get to say how its used, isnt that right?" is a complete understanding of the ether and how it works, how emotion and choice are everything there. Truth knew he was beaten before Ed even arrived, it was only the final pieces that needed to be put on the scale, to tip the balance.

Ed has now evolved spiritually. He had to give up his right to use the ether, otherwise he would have become a monster like Father. They really were so alike. Throughout the series Ed sees this again and again - his likeness to the villian - no matter how good his intentions, he knows the drive behind his emotions will poison him.

Father gets what he wanted - at death, he doesnt return to nothing, but faces his own Truth, goes through his own portal. Congratulations, little one in the flask, you are now on the coil. One day, perhaps, you will evolve into light.

And Edward. You didnt seek it, which is how it comes, but enlightenment is upon you now, and as you live your humble earthly life you can hear the stars call your name as they wait for you to return.
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Piper Peeping

December 19th 2011 04:52
Piper, 24hrs old, Last Wed 14/12/2011


Piper is of course a week old by now, and with my experienced and perceptive eyes I can detect small changes. Piper is one of the most opinionated animals Ive ever known, who likes everything 'just so'.

On Sunday I turfed the remaining eggs. I had given in and candled them on Thursday, and to my surprise the splotchy egg had nice clear viens in it. By Sunday there were none. I honestly believe if I had removed the eggs from the nest I could have gotten a better yeild, as Piper was stealing their heat, but done is done now. I consider myself extremely lucky to welcome even one new duck into the family.

As before, I cant believe how much a tiny duckling resembles a jewel. So tiny and precious and glowing. So much life for such a little thing. Piper is friendly, and knows me, but no longer likes to cuddle. She likes to talk to the big ducks when they visit her at night, but is still too small to be out with them. Hopefully in a few weeks she will be - I wont wait as long as I did with Wist.

That 'she' is entirely hopeful. I have no way of knowing Pipers sex at this stage, but I would dearly love another girl.

Thats my well wishes, and Kalikapsychosis wishes you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
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One Duck a-cheeping

December 13th 2011 02:28
I was going to call this post 'One egg a-pipping' but things have progressed.


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Waiting on eggs

December 8th 2011 10:49
Waiting is not something I do well. My catch phrase from the High School year book was "I cant wait!" and it was so unbelievably true. Ive been known to go red in the face, sweat, bloat and register fever high temperatures while waiting for something particularly exciting to begin. Alongside that though, we have my infinite patience when dealing with a young horse, and the amount of people heard to exclaim "you have SOME patience" after dealing with an animal that almost drove them to murder.

Last saturday, after 3 10 hour shifts, I thought I heard cheeping and cracking. It was just delirium though


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Egg update

November 29th 2011 12:53
As Kman is so fond of telling me when I ring up from work. "they are still eggs. They dont do anything."

In the first few days of having them I was in a lather - I just felt anxious. Something was wrong, and I didnt know what. After some googling, I realized I had them upside down - the pointy end of the egg should be pointing down, if any end is. This is so the duckling can reach for the air bubble as it grows, it can suffocate otherwise. So for a few days after that I was sure Id killed them


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Hatching duck eggs

November 17th 2011 13:19
Well, Kleo is very excited...With my tendancity to get ENthuSIAStic its exteremely hard because....Theres not a lot you can do for eggs. And eggs dont do a lot for you. Theres lots of ANTiciPAtion, which leads to thinking about cute baby ducks (AND WHAT YOU CAN NAME THEM!) but if you are as enthusiastic as little Kleo, you gotta nip that right in the bud. Because some eggs may not hatch, realistically, I have to consider none of them will.

But that is so hard to contemplate


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Destiny and Duck eggs

November 16th 2011 13:44
On Sunday, I rescued a small bird from Teshan's water trough.

I had to work in the next hour, and was quickly doing an animal check and water top up before I went. I saw her spiralling in the water and thought she was dead, until I detected a faint flutter. I dived through the fence (in my uniform) narrowly missing barbed and electric wire. I snatched her up, returned to the house yard via a safe route and assessed her


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Medical Round up

October 29th 2011 06:15
For anyone who has been following my medical posts you will be pleased to know they have been moved into their own category.

Heres whats wrong with me, to date. And let me tell you, we know a lot more than we used to


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My ouija

October 24th 2011 03:07
In my investigations into the skeptic community, Ive found that anyone claiming anything is deluded, mentally ill, or making stuff up. Funnily, if you ARE mentally ill then they wont use that against you, you're just a liar. I have heard the terms 'confirmation bias' 'idiometer effect' and 'special pleading' so many times I think I've found a new level of insanity.

To me, it is complete insanity to NOT believe. I really wonder what someone gets out of a comment like this 'I feel sorry for people who believe in chakras. Those poor bastards' and it literally hurts me, but not in the way they were hoping for


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