Subscribe to DailyOrble

Receive a daily e-mail of Orble's most popular posts

Kalikapsychosis - " All I see is 6 billion lunatics looking for the fastest ride out. Who's not crazy? Look around. Everyone's drinking, smoking, shooting up, shooting each other, or just plain screwing their brains out....Cos they don't want 'em anymore. I'm Crazy? Honey, I'm the original one eyed chicklet in the Kingdom of the blind, cos at least I admit the world makes me nuts." - Glory

Its funny how as you get older, you think you're done with milestones, revelations, all those big jumps. All the better to take you by surprise, I guess.

Milestone one would be finding this property, so perfectly suited to our needs. I'm experienced in finding rental properties, so believe me, I know, looking good on paper doesnt always translate to actually liveable. However, Ive got an inspection planned and if it doesnt pan out, I have hope for the future.

Milestone two would be telling mum this morning that I was going to inspect a property and she wasnt invited. She calmly said thats fine, she understands. My brother doesnt know yet, but the big ones over!

Milestone three. This one really hurts.

Yesterday the stallion put his ears back at me and didnt let me pat him. He actually walked away from me! This is the first time he has done this to me. He has often done it to other people but never to me. He has been on holiday since roughly mid november, his first ever. Since he was a baby he has had work or play sessions at least a couple of times a week, if not every day. Some kind of contact to remind him of our relationship and the importance of manners. I thought he deserved a break to be a horse just as I needed a break over the christmas period. I had planned to start working him again but this weeks INCREDIBLY wet weather has made it impossible. And now he utterly rejects me. Its impossible to guess where his heads at - I know sexual frustration is high on the list for him. Its bad enough he's well into breeding age and never gotten up close to a lady - but theres a lady one property over who screams and screams to him when shes in season. He calls back. I know he's upset, I feel for him, but theres nothing I can do.

He could also be upset that I havnt spent much time with him - stallions can be touchy like that. It could also be that he's enjoying his holiday and thinks any renewed contact with me will cause more work. No matter where his head's at, the cure is work and a lady friend. Im already planning how I can set up my new five acres (oh folly K you havnt even seen it yet!) in such a way that he has a big yard so he can have a lady friend. The trick is a paddock large enough for Teshan and the stooges, a decent yard for mags and hopefully the majority of the land for the stallion and his girl. I'd like - really like - to have enough space for a SPARE yard where a horse can be isolated when injured or sick. Here, on 4 acres, its simply impossible. The property is delicately set up so that the stallion cannot contact either boss gelding or his mother, if a horse has to be isolated the house yard is all we have. Thats fine if its Teshan - she lives here anyway. It was also ok when it was the stallion himself, except that even with a severe head injury he was able to threaten the windows! If any other horse is injured it throws out my whole dynamic. But, with 5 acres set out nicely, I should be able to manage it.

And what about this illusive lady friend you might ask? Well, Kman would hit the roof, Im sure. 6 bloody horses! Running on seven when the gal is preggers.....But heres the thing ......

With my own place, and no one to trip over, Im going to be able to manage my time better. I simply find it impossible to be decisive when other people are (even indirectly) involved in the decisions. That means I can work on Shakir, and find him a new home. If I even mention that around here, Mum says Im cruel. Cruel for wanting him to have a loving and attentive owner, at that. Its something he really deserves, and its something I can give him.

With him at a new home, I would only need two large yards of approx 2 and a half acres each - maybe a little smaller so I can accomodate an isolation yard. One yard for mags, spirit and tesh, the other for the stallion and his pregnant lady. What of horsey number 7? Sell it! I know, Ive said that before, but the thing here is a stallion is not a mare. I was highly sentimental over all Teshans babies because as a female, she can only have so many - one a year. Her total has turned out to be three. Just three. In terms of a stallion, he could, theoretically, have ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY THREE in a year. Do you really think I could find a reason to keep all of them? Basically, each baby he produces, theres plenty more where that came from!

Originally, I had these fantastically romanitic ideas of getting Zayf a young arab or andalusion filly. However, seeing how excited he gets when near a female prescence, Ive decided on something older. A trip to the local sales on a sunday should yeild me a sixteen year old broodmare who's had foals every year and is no longer capable of producing top quality. A hoary old bitch who considers sex a job, not pleasure. Thats the girl to teach my young man some manners!

Today, with all these possibilties swirling through my mind, Im impossibly happy. Theres hope, theres things real and solid enough to plan on. And if all of the above and my own excitement isnt enough -

Outside I hear the high callsof my lucky birds. The black and yellow cockatoo. When things are bad, they visit me. When I need to plan, or to hope, they see me. Once three spiralled low over my head, as if to comfort me. And though I havnt seen any around in months, there they are, suddenly, this morning, enjoying nuts in the trees, and calling and whistling - "Its all gonna be ok..."

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: The Random

Email this Post to a Friend

The Universe Provides

February 8th 2010 02:19

For the last few weeks I've been sunk in a terrible depression. I knew, that living with mum had come to a head a long time ago - all we did was fight and even though she would always promise to 'stay out of our way' it never happened. No matter how many times I said that Kman and I needed our own place she just didnt seem to get it. Then, she installed my brother in the house plus his two cats. Our already kitty crowded house felt like it might literally split its sides. I was unhappy about this - overcrowded humans, overcrowded animals, and when mum promised a decrease to rent and other utilities I didnt believe it would happen - and it didnt. 'problems with Centrelink' cited as the main cause.

I had reached an utter frission point where if I went out to check the property I didnt want to come back up to the house. I'd find ridiculous things to do thinking how I couldnt even be in my own house. My mind was in a very messed up place.

Then I remembered I was on a massive dose of Endep, which, despite being an anti depressant, can turn on you and make depression worse. I started taking half a night and my clarity returned. I was still mighty pissed off, dont get me wrong, but I wasnt wailing in despair.

I've always been solitary. It helped, in my teenage years, that mum was always off with some boyfriend or other. The joys of waking in silence, leisurely taking my coffee uninterrupted, and staying up until 3am with ear splitting volume music became the bane of life. When she decided no more boyfriends, I was hardly home. I had TAFE to attend and spent many a night on campus. Then, two to three months in korea and moving in with the Kman when I arrived home - in effect I had had my own house from the time I was 16.

I had never imagined that she would ever want to move in with me. In hindsight, I really should have seen it coming. I resisted, of course, but still, a steam roller was moving and before I knew it I'd left my job - which I loved - and moved west - which I hate - with a mother in tow. Oh, there were outside issues playing a part - the fact we had to move, as our house was being sold. The fact the horses had to move, as the property they were kept on was no longer suitable.

It was bad from the start. Even though we lived in seperate quaters she was quite literally THERE all the time, the type of person that must bounce herself off other people constantly to prove she exists. No more walking around naked or doing the dishes in lingere. No more sex on the kitchen bench or loungeroom floor. The one night Kman and I spread a blanket before the fire to spend a few hours there was broken by our continous looking over of shoulders, wondering where she was. If the destruction of intimacy and privacy wasnt bad enough, it was her constant dialouge of what we did wrong or didnt do at all. She tried to get involved in our decisions, even our fights. After being told to butt out she found ways to butt in....Indirectly.

When that place fell through and we were forced into a two bedroom cottage I thought I was going to go completely insane. No where was safe, no where. I took small comfort in the fact she had to share a bathroom with Kman, and she hates sharing space with men most of all.

I knew it had to change, and late last year I found a few places. Not really the human problem in the fore front - my horses are an acre short for comfort and showing it. I found larger places but before we could even phone the agent for info mum would harshly veto. As had become habit, I went along.

I suppose, I should thank my brother for his most recent employment crash. For when she told me he was moving in we had the worst fight we've ever had. Its not that I dont like my brother, I do, I'd rather live with him than her, frankly. Its simply that the house is above carrying capacity already, and not only does she not give a damn, she seems gleeful at the idea of stuffing more people in.

Other times he's had to move home? What do I care? Its mums house. Well, this time its MY house, my names on the lease......And yet, I got no say. She laid down the law.

I had the need for my own place itching under my skin, something I was aware of but could not name. It started with the lack of money, but Id expected he wouldnt pay his bills. It continued with house work - when I wasnt working and couldnt pay rent, I did all the washing, the dishes, the floors, toilet bathroom.....I figured it was the least I could do. Then, when I started working, mum basically told me since she is full time and I am part time, I could just keep doing it, or get Kman to help. I never push Kman for help with the house work, he leaves at 530am and doesnt get home till after 7pm. To me, thats plenty. So, I suffered, believing that my brother, not working, would take up my role.

But he didnt. Dishes were unwashed, floors unswept, and garbage was left at the door and Kman told to take it out when he arrived home.

My blood began to boil at such an extent my skin began to hiss. How could they, my family members, not see? How could they, if they loved me, allow this?

I decided to move out and to hell with them both. Everything clicked into place. Id previously worried about splitting up horses, now I decided to take them all. Just my four cats, and my birds. I began looking for a place.

Ugh. January. Market dead as a doornail. Still, I was poised, ready. Each time I spent a tiny bit of money on myself I hated myself for it - I must be ready to MOVE!!

Today, I found a place.

5 acres. Close to transport. Its everything we could have asked for. I spoke to the agent, and we will inspect next week to check if its all right. Even if this ISNT the place, its got my hopes up that mores to come. Its the beginning, the universe showing me that help is on the way, its all happening, pathways opening.......'We are with you' from the great spirits.

Now comes the hard part.

The tension in the place is already at a tightly strung level. The air sings like a string instrument. When I go out for coffee they dont speak, and its just hanging there, this awful pressure, that none of us are happy. And my secret - that I am in control, I have the power, and I CAN change my situation where they cannot. The tension seems to sing even harder at the fact that they know this - must know it - and yet they are fooling themselves, I wont do it. Trying to come up with reasons why I'll continue to look after them even though I dont have to, and getting upset because there are none. Its unspoken on the air....."Will she? Wont she? Why does she?"

Now Im going to have to tell her. I was holding off, hoping that I could raise my inner bitch up to a level that would allow me to sign a lease and pay a bond before I told her ........Really, I know, thats the smart thing. If I say a word now, she'll find a way to talk me out of it. She doesnt mind if we live in hell, so long as we're together. But I dont think Im quite bitchy enough for that. I'll have to tell her, now, that we have been looking for a place for some time, now we have found one, and we're going to be looking at it.

Who knows what the reaction will be? Garunteed, there will be a fight, and after that, horrible horrible tension of a kind I havnt yet known. No words will be spoken, though precious few are now, anyway......But after the fight when the power shift OBVIOUSLY changes, its going to be hell. Funny how hell can just keep on getting worse isnt it?

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: The Random

Email this Post to a Friend

Kleo's Avatar Experience

February 4th 2010 01:31

I generally dont write reviews. This isnt strictly a review, not really. I used to think I was great at analysing media, all types of media. I was painstakingly taught to analyse poetry and novels and other types of literature by my long suffering english teacher, taught to analyse art in all its forms by my under appreciated art teacher, and though I had never taken a course to the effect, I assumed that these same skills applied when switched over to film.

Now when I say film, I dont mean just movies. I analyse TV shows, short films, even ADS! I utterly adore the devices that can be used only on film, that the creator has just as much power as the writer of a novel, meaning that what you WANT to see (costume, set, etc) may not be what you get. Just as in books, descriptions and plots may not move the way you think they should. Whether its expected, unexpected or just plain not what you wanted, that control lays with the creator.

I think what fascinates me in film is that one persons vision is not strictly what you see. One person has the idea, and the vision, but they have to use a ton of other people to make it happen. Now, for a writer, that just sounds plain MESSY! I write my scenes, the costumes, the environment, the plot - I dont have to worry about camera guy not getting the light or sound guy not picking up the whisper. I just simply cant imagine trying to rope together that many people to see exactly what I see. If my masterpiece is ever made into film, you can bet I'll be on set pissing off the director, the sound guy, the camera guy......I simply cant trust anyone else to deliver my vision exactly as I want it.

I think its why I admire Joss Whedon to such an extent. He's such a perfectionist, as I am, that everything must be exact, and yet, when you see him behind the scenes, for all his perfectionist nit picking, are the set crews and actors upset? No, they are, each and every one, scurrying to please. I'm reminded of James Masters preparing his song for the musical, 'Once more with feeling'. He's digging it out with the guitar. Joss is there, "No, not that, like this," Does James take artistic defense? No, he frowns and tries harder to get it just RIGHT. Now, there's some genius at work.

When it comes to films, as much as I love them - and I can watch any kind of trash if im in a popcorn smelling theatre - I never get to see them. I either dont have money, or time, then boom they're gone. When I saw Avatar advertised, I was excited, but assumed I would never get the chance to see it. Anyway, how good can a film about blue people really be?

When the Kman announced he was taking a day off work for us to go to the movies, I was more excited at the prospect of Borders before hand. I bought seven books. But as the moment approached to enter the cinema, I got slowly more and more excited. I knew I was going to see something mind blowing.

See, what you're looking for, as an artist, is emotion. You write, and you paint and you draw, because you're driven by emotion. You want to inspire emotion in others. If you are really good, you can create emotion after emotion in your audience, literally lead them by the nose. In art such as poetry and painting, any emotion inspired in your audience is a success. If it leads to discussion over which emotion the artist was trying to make you feel, so much the better. In a novel, its more driven. Action, romance......you lay it out, and you know, if they're still reading, they're on target, right there with you.

But, in terms of film, (all art really) if you can have the ENTIRE audience feeling the same thing at the same time, that is mastery. You have achieved the goal every artist sets out to grab. We all reach for it, but so seldom does any artist actually achieve this full circle emotion.

For me, the first emotion I felt in Avatar was expectation. I was just waiting for it to hit me. It starts slow, as all good things should.

The first real, stabbing emotion I felt was a wave of love and sympathy for our hero, Jake Sully, when I realized he was confined to a wheelchair. Not just that, but Cameron's taken it a step further and shown us the withered, tiny legs. He's been in that chair for a while. In that instant I understood, no matter what happens in this story, that is his primary reason for switching sides. If you could trade your damaged, squishy human body for a tall, resilient kick ass one, wouldnt you? And come on, who doesnt want a tail?

Theres also the deep sadness our hero portrays, with just that vacant look to himself. He has nothing. Nothing to live for, nothing to fight for. He is, quite literally, going with the flow. He doesnt give a damn what happens. He's kinda hoping he dies. That quiet whisper when he says of the Avatar itself, "It looks like him" speaks volumes. The Avatar is the last connection he has to his brother. In our hero at that moment, theres a flicker of life.

I have to say, my next major emotion was a wave of absolute undiluted pleasure at Sigorney Weaver screaming "Cigarette! Cigarette!" Ah, how lovely it is, to see smoking in a movie again....A block buster at that! Although, I must admit, it reminded me of that moment in 'Thank you for smoking' when he says, "We need to make smoking cool again. What we need is a major movie with a main character smoking...."

Next was Jake's first time in his Avatar. Its obvious, he never realized that its legs would work. That look of wonderment when he realizes he can wiggle his toes. Tears were threatening. Its then I realize how much larger the Na'Vi are than us puny humans. Intense glee as he near demolishes the lab like a german shepard in a small room, innocently wagging its tail. And runs. All is forgotten in that intense moment of physicality.

My next big moment is in the forest - the threat display with the elephant creature. Ultra cool. Though the creatures of Pandora are not our creatures, similar behavioural patterns have been used. I was captivated. Nothing gets me like correct representations of animal behaviour! For me this continues into the night forest scene - when the pack attacks him. I was fully expecting a typical hollywood reaction for a hero - climb a tree, cower, hide, but no. He makes himself a torch and roars "I ain't waiting around all night!" and takes the fight to the pack. Its very nice to see a character respond to a threat exactly the same way I do.

And then we meet Neytiri. Oh, the beauty of her. Warrior godess nature lover tree hugger.....Its like seeing myself. A nature lovin hippy blended with the fierce survivalist instinct that means you understand death in life. In her first scene we see all her hardness and her toughness. Its almost as if, she was in love with Jake from that first sight. Her reasons for saving him dont seem to hold enough volume, but its soon after that I get my first goosebumps.....As the ancient spirits come along and cuddle up to Jake. Aw.....He's been chosen by the forest!

The scenes where Neytiri teaches Jake are just mind blowing. How day by day, he has more to live for, more to feel. Without doubt, my favourite scene is when Neytiri's dragon is introduced.....It looks like its going to savage them both, and she so calmly says "Do not look in her eye" like she's saying pass the salt. Brilliant.

Its becoming clear by now that if Jake has to make a decision, he's siding with the Na'Vi. I mean, seriously, even if they give him his legs back, who's he got to go home to? But our hero is a simple fellow. He hasnt quite realized that himself yet.

Jake's capture of his own dragon is a stunning moment. The triumphant cry - "You're Mine!" and the terror of taking to the sky for the first time. More so than his connection with Neytiri, for me, I feel this was the moment his heart decided, this is where home is.

I was all conflicted in that moment under the trees. Sure, I want our hero and our heroine to get together, but does Jake realize the volume of this moment? The Na'Vi mate for life, and she's fated to someone else. This ain't friday night at the pub bucko. I felt excited for the love story but terrified that he was only in it for conquest. However all those doubts are laid to rest when you see him the next morning, desperate to get back to his body....And her.

I'd like to mention at thispoint, from the first moment I saw Last Shadow's skull, and heard the story of how he united the clans, I knew Jake would be getting on his back. I just knew it.

But thus begins the 'humane' destruction of Home Tree, and the war. I love the moment when Jake is set free - "If you are one of us, Help us!" A moment of complete trust in her tribal ways, that he has come so far, he cannot possibly go back.

The uniting of the clans gave me threads of goosebumps all over. About a million times in the last half hour I was on the verge of screaming "It cant end like this!' Only to be taken to a new dizzying high. Last Shadow one handedly destroyng helicopters was a sight to see. Emotion piled on emotion as Jake calls out for his new 'brother'. Seeing humans thrown about like rag dolls was also exciting.

I really loved the moment before the battle when army dude was giving his speech to his soldiers. Explaining the growing threat from the natives. Those actors did a marvelous job. Each and every one was terrified, just there to do a job that suddenly got a hell of a lot more complicated and a shitload more dangerous. I really did feel a deep sympathy for fighters on both sides.

The breaking moment for me was Neytiri's dragon going down, and her heartbroken wail. So well, she does the loss of a loved creature. Losing a beast is worse than losing a human. When you lose a creature, though you may have owned each other, it trusted you. It loved you and did your bidding. For loving and obeying, its been killed. Nothing can measure that guilt, that grief. However in this instance, the warrior godess steps up - still got a battle to win....And oh, the inspiration of this moment, when Neytiri screams, "Ehwya has heard you!" And one of the most vicious forest denizens allows her to ride on its back.

In all my imaginings, I never realized that the fragile human/avatar connection was going to be used to highten tension. But by golly, was I ever on the edge of my seat when I realized our bad guy was gonna destroy that connection. Once again, Kleo was wailing, "It cant end like this!" but that incredible moment Neytiri enters the shack and saves him made all the heart stress worthwhile.

By this point Im wondering, just HOW IS it going to end? Its got to be as fantastic as the rest of it, and we all know Jakes going into the avatar body for good.....Isnt he? Come on, he's gotta be! And I must say, there could have been no better ending than the sight of the linked arms, the sounds of their chanting.......The glimpse of Jake's ruined, crippled human body, cast aside like the garbage it is......As he opens his new eyes. Home for good.

I like to see my favourite movies at the cinemas as much as possible. I saw the cartoon Tarzan at least 5 times. Titanic I saw at least 7. Though I love Avatar quite a bit more than both (hey....It could almost be a blending of the two!) I simply havnt the money or the time to beat such a record. But I am going for viewing 2, this afternoon.

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: TV Rants

Email this Post to a Friend

Dead Man's Party

February 3rd 2010 01:20

I sat at a dead man's tea party,
blunt blade in my heart,
the stumps arranged

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (2)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Poetry

Email this Post to a Friend

Rescue Update

February 3rd 2010 01:15

Dorian has revealed himself to be a sparrow - which I had suspected all along. I still amaze myself when I listen to others even when I know best. I asked our other human denizens why they thought it was a mynah bird. Oh, it had a yellow beak. Dont you know all baby birds have yellow beaks?

Dorian is showing the most personality I have ever seen in a sparrow. Its almost two weeks since he arrived and he will be full grown in about 4 days. His feathers are fluffy and thick, the yellow skin on his beak is starting to disappear. He calls and cheeps and loves a cuddle. I have modified Pidge's winter cage for him, so he sits out on the back deck now, chatting to the other sparrows that come down for a free feed. Although he could feed himself he'd rather not, at this stage. He's been learing to fly, crawling up onto a perch and hurling himself from it with an undeniable fury

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

Email this Post to a Friend

Animal Rescue 101

January 28th 2010 04:53

I'd like to open todays post with a poem that has inspired me for a good many years...

Vioce of the Vioceless

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

Email this Post to a Friend

untitled

January 24th 2010 03:42

If a situation is unbearable,
change it,
or bear it

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Poetry

Email this Post to a Friend

A word on weather

January 22nd 2010 03:41

Winter is coming. This year she will be long and harsh.

Dont believe me? Why should you!? We are at this very moment sweltering under almost 40 degree heat

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: The Random

Email this Post to a Friend