A brainstorm....(chapter 1)
August 10th 2007 05:09
Tell me if you like it.
My most recent novel idea(or short story, whatever it decides to be) is inspired directly by George Orwell's '1984' and another little gem called ' brave new world' and Im sorry, Ive forgotten the author! I know, unforgiveable!
The strain of both these books is futuristic - a society we've strived for yet once we've arrived we find we've gone to far. 'gattica' can even be referred to for this particular strain. My new idea will not leave me alone and its working title is '2084' as a direct link and acknowledgement of inspiration.
Its going to be controversial - and people who love my writing and/or ideas may not like it. It was created while one day I was thinking of a utopia for all us pet owners - a future where animals were revered and sacred, and there was no cruelty, no abuse.
But would this really be ideal? Humans have a tendancy to take any concept too far. Could you really imagine a world where PETA reigned? These people protest the cutting of tails and crutching on sheep - have you seen a full grown sheep that has NOT had these things done? They die a long slow death of being eaten alive with intermidable slowness - flystrike. The flies lay their maggots in the skin that is normally crutched and maggots and flies on top of more maggots and flies. If theyre lucky they are put down or die of disease rather than being eaten.
So, Im going to offer you a little teaser here, today, trying to get back my feel for narrative and sick of spouting crap Id like to offer up a chapter if I may. This will also be the very first story Ive written entirely on blog format save for the short story 'Callie' which is somewhere on this blog!
Katyia was running late for work. For some reason her alarm hadnt gone off. You would think, in thousands of years of human development, this could be a problem that was easily solved. But, of course, the 'clean' energy used these days was unreliable - perhaps her batteries hadnt been charged for the surge.
Most notable, she'd almost forgotten to feed Rolf the fish. He was her only pet. All residents of the new clean city renamed "Sidnee" in 2060(to show its loyalty to the Sidnee regime) were required to own at least one pet. More were actually recommended. 3 times a week the 'Scat Police' called her from work to talk about her motives, her goals in life, and ask detailed questions on why she did not want another pet. She dodged them well - Or so she thought. She claimed that with settling in to her new job she would not have the time and energy to devote to a new pet, an acceptable answer. However it was only a matter of time before they told her that if she was struggling so bad she couldnt have another pet, she'd have to be relocated.
As she fed Rolf (the careful amount of not too much but not too little) she thought about how traumatic this last relocation had been. She had read in the history books how young people of her age (a fast aging 27) used to be able to choose their career, chase it, and move around the world on a whim. Regardless of skills or aptitude, these people had been allowed by their governments to do as they wished. She could barely imagine such a place. She had shown an aptitude for data entry at 16, and had been shipped off to a college to study it. There had never even been a suggestion of anything else - The Sidnee regime enjoyed placing people fast. She had excelled in college and gotten a solid paying job - Not that that mattered too much any more, as there were national rules in place to ensure that every person was within the same earning bracket - But she had settled well in her suburb and her job. She did not envy the chaos of the job market all those years ago - jobs to be had, yet people who refused to work, skill shortages and learning disabilities! The Sidnee regime had put an end to that! People were placed where they would do the most good.
It had all started when Kara died. Kara had been her dog since she was born, and had been her companion forever. The Regime disliked family structures - as mothers and fathers had been proven to pass their problems onto children - so after the age of 6 months children were usually sent to a school, as she had been. The only thing you were allowed to take was your pet.
Kara had been an Australian Kelpie - that magificent chocolate brown and tan, and more loving and complete than any human Katyia had ever known. When she died one day of old age the Scat police came to 'check' the event of death, to ensure old age was the culprit and there was no foul play. Once this was confirmed a full funeral was planned for Kara, anything Katyia requested was given without question. But when the time came to choose a new pet and go back to work, Katyia found she couldnt. Her eyes filled with tears at the sight of a dog, any dog. The answer? Relocation. New job, new city, new pet. A goldfish was the most basic of requirements, and really by now she should have been eager for something more, but something inside her was cold and hard like a clenched fist. When they had relocated her she hadnt cared what they were about to do - she knew the Scat police could make people disappear. It was their job.
Rolf was fed and in a few minutes she'd go downstairs and catch the bus - apparently years ago buses had gone everywhere at all times of day - It always made her laugh! What utter dissention they must have lived in! Her bus came to her apartment, picked up everyone going to the same building, then moved to the next. No one was ever late this way. The Regime had thought of everything.
She frowned and adjusted her skirt, she wasnt keen on this new fabric. Everything was coming out in shades of white, which was fine, because soon they would begin to dye it other colours(if they didnt stimulate people to 'unacceptable behaviour' again) but the texture was awful. She could not imagine the softness of silk or synthetics - silk was forbidden, it came from silkworms who were not to be abused in such a manner - and synthetics of all kinds were bad for the planet. This was supposed to be a new form of cotton that was more like hessian. It itched. Since fashion was abolished - everyone was given a range of clothes in the same colour or cut according to their size and what fabric was currently being made - she had put a pin in the back of her skirt to make her hips look a little curvier, her waist a little smaller......She was hoping that Derek might notice her......Not that it mattered when all marriages had to be arranged through the Regime anyway. Still........
Sighing and picking up her bag she headed out and down the stairs.....And thats when she heard the scream.
Huffing and puffing Katyia arrived at her friends - her best friends room. After Kara she had closed off from humans and animals, true, but she had been unable to resist Mindi, an active girl with a dark bob of hair who worked as an assistant in a vets surgery. It was the equivalent of being a politician in the 21st century really. A vet was all powerful in this day and age.
The Scat police were already there - Mindi's door had been broken down and she was already handcuffed. Mindi was crying, her face was red and tears ran down her face. Two officers held her sternly while others seemed to be searching the house.
Terrified, for herself and her friend, she slipped into the chaotic room. Mindi had begun to sob - "I didnt mean it, I didnt know" and at that one of the Scat police in their foreboding black uniforms cracked her hard in the back of the skull with his gun. "No Tolerance for death!" he spat at her, the slogan of the regime.
Somehow going unnoticed("but I dont care I dont care let them take me too I dont care") she sidled up to Mindi who was now on her knees.
"what happened?" Katyia whispered.
Minidi looked up, awash in tears. Her arms jerked reflexively and Katyia knew if her arms had been free Mindi would have thrown both arms around her. "Its.....Its Kaitlyn."
"what?! What about her!"
Kaitlyn was the most beloved of Mindis 6 cats.
Sobbing pathetically and with ugly snot beginning to run down her face and no arm to wipe it on, Mindi explained in breathless sobs - " She was sleeping in the dresser, only I didnt know. Oh, I didnt know she was there, Oh, Kat!" Mindi wailed. After more pitiful sobbing Mindi continued. "I opened the drawer to get out some under-underwear *sniff* and her head must have caught on the drawer above and I heard the crack and Oh, Oh Kat I broke her neck I killed her I killed her! OH, Kaitlyn!!" Mindi began to scream and sob uncontrollably. Katyia herself was stunned by the Scat cop above her who suddenly crowed "CONFESSION!" and grabbed Mindis cuffs and hauled her to her feet. It must have been painful, but all of Mindi's pain was in her heart right now.
"Kat, you have to take them! My babies! Dont let them be separated, dont let them go to a re homing centre! PLEASE!!"
"Mindi -NO"
"PLEASE - KAT!" Those two words were the last Katyia heard properly as the Scat police began to drag her out. Wordlessly, Katyia expressed her distress to her friend, knowing she'd never see her again. Worst of all, was the sudden ease in her eyes, not merely an acceptance of her fate, but a feeling that she deserved it, every last bit of it. She had killed her cat - she had it coming. Katyia's heart hurt so much to see that ease, that acceptance, in her friends eyes. She did not struggle as she was dragged away.
"You better get movin miss. You'll be late for work" Confidently she fixed her bold green eyes on the Scat cop's face. He was standing over her where she still kneeled on the floor in her ridiculous straight skirt and loose blouse, trying to intimidate her.
"I think they will allow me a personal day. Theyve been asking me to get a new pet for a while, and its going to take some time to fill out adoption papers for all of these beautiful abandoned cats."
Scat cop left in a huff.
My most recent novel idea(or short story, whatever it decides to be) is inspired directly by George Orwell's '1984' and another little gem called ' brave new world' and Im sorry, Ive forgotten the author! I know, unforgiveable!
The strain of both these books is futuristic - a society we've strived for yet once we've arrived we find we've gone to far. 'gattica' can even be referred to for this particular strain. My new idea will not leave me alone and its working title is '2084' as a direct link and acknowledgement of inspiration.
Its going to be controversial - and people who love my writing and/or ideas may not like it. It was created while one day I was thinking of a utopia for all us pet owners - a future where animals were revered and sacred, and there was no cruelty, no abuse.
But would this really be ideal? Humans have a tendancy to take any concept too far. Could you really imagine a world where PETA reigned? These people protest the cutting of tails and crutching on sheep - have you seen a full grown sheep that has NOT had these things done? They die a long slow death of being eaten alive with intermidable slowness - flystrike. The flies lay their maggots in the skin that is normally crutched and maggots and flies on top of more maggots and flies. If theyre lucky they are put down or die of disease rather than being eaten.
So, Im going to offer you a little teaser here, today, trying to get back my feel for narrative and sick of spouting crap Id like to offer up a chapter if I may. This will also be the very first story Ive written entirely on blog format save for the short story 'Callie' which is somewhere on this blog!
2084
CHAPTER ONE - The Ease Within Your Eyes
Katyia was running late for work. For some reason her alarm hadnt gone off. You would think, in thousands of years of human development, this could be a problem that was easily solved. But, of course, the 'clean' energy used these days was unreliable - perhaps her batteries hadnt been charged for the surge.
Most notable, she'd almost forgotten to feed Rolf the fish. He was her only pet. All residents of the new clean city renamed "Sidnee" in 2060(to show its loyalty to the Sidnee regime) were required to own at least one pet. More were actually recommended. 3 times a week the 'Scat Police' called her from work to talk about her motives, her goals in life, and ask detailed questions on why she did not want another pet. She dodged them well - Or so she thought. She claimed that with settling in to her new job she would not have the time and energy to devote to a new pet, an acceptable answer. However it was only a matter of time before they told her that if she was struggling so bad she couldnt have another pet, she'd have to be relocated.
As she fed Rolf (the careful amount of not too much but not too little) she thought about how traumatic this last relocation had been. She had read in the history books how young people of her age (a fast aging 27) used to be able to choose their career, chase it, and move around the world on a whim. Regardless of skills or aptitude, these people had been allowed by their governments to do as they wished. She could barely imagine such a place. She had shown an aptitude for data entry at 16, and had been shipped off to a college to study it. There had never even been a suggestion of anything else - The Sidnee regime enjoyed placing people fast. She had excelled in college and gotten a solid paying job - Not that that mattered too much any more, as there were national rules in place to ensure that every person was within the same earning bracket - But she had settled well in her suburb and her job. She did not envy the chaos of the job market all those years ago - jobs to be had, yet people who refused to work, skill shortages and learning disabilities! The Sidnee regime had put an end to that! People were placed where they would do the most good.
It had all started when Kara died. Kara had been her dog since she was born, and had been her companion forever. The Regime disliked family structures - as mothers and fathers had been proven to pass their problems onto children - so after the age of 6 months children were usually sent to a school, as she had been. The only thing you were allowed to take was your pet.
Kara had been an Australian Kelpie - that magificent chocolate brown and tan, and more loving and complete than any human Katyia had ever known. When she died one day of old age the Scat police came to 'check' the event of death, to ensure old age was the culprit and there was no foul play. Once this was confirmed a full funeral was planned for Kara, anything Katyia requested was given without question. But when the time came to choose a new pet and go back to work, Katyia found she couldnt. Her eyes filled with tears at the sight of a dog, any dog. The answer? Relocation. New job, new city, new pet. A goldfish was the most basic of requirements, and really by now she should have been eager for something more, but something inside her was cold and hard like a clenched fist. When they had relocated her she hadnt cared what they were about to do - she knew the Scat police could make people disappear. It was their job.
Rolf was fed and in a few minutes she'd go downstairs and catch the bus - apparently years ago buses had gone everywhere at all times of day - It always made her laugh! What utter dissention they must have lived in! Her bus came to her apartment, picked up everyone going to the same building, then moved to the next. No one was ever late this way. The Regime had thought of everything.
She frowned and adjusted her skirt, she wasnt keen on this new fabric. Everything was coming out in shades of white, which was fine, because soon they would begin to dye it other colours(if they didnt stimulate people to 'unacceptable behaviour' again) but the texture was awful. She could not imagine the softness of silk or synthetics - silk was forbidden, it came from silkworms who were not to be abused in such a manner - and synthetics of all kinds were bad for the planet. This was supposed to be a new form of cotton that was more like hessian. It itched. Since fashion was abolished - everyone was given a range of clothes in the same colour or cut according to their size and what fabric was currently being made - she had put a pin in the back of her skirt to make her hips look a little curvier, her waist a little smaller......She was hoping that Derek might notice her......Not that it mattered when all marriages had to be arranged through the Regime anyway. Still........
Sighing and picking up her bag she headed out and down the stairs.....And thats when she heard the scream.
***********
Huffing and puffing Katyia arrived at her friends - her best friends room. After Kara she had closed off from humans and animals, true, but she had been unable to resist Mindi, an active girl with a dark bob of hair who worked as an assistant in a vets surgery. It was the equivalent of being a politician in the 21st century really. A vet was all powerful in this day and age.
The Scat police were already there - Mindi's door had been broken down and she was already handcuffed. Mindi was crying, her face was red and tears ran down her face. Two officers held her sternly while others seemed to be searching the house.
Terrified, for herself and her friend, she slipped into the chaotic room. Mindi had begun to sob - "I didnt mean it, I didnt know" and at that one of the Scat police in their foreboding black uniforms cracked her hard in the back of the skull with his gun. "No Tolerance for death!" he spat at her, the slogan of the regime.
Somehow going unnoticed("but I dont care I dont care let them take me too I dont care") she sidled up to Mindi who was now on her knees.
"what happened?" Katyia whispered.
Minidi looked up, awash in tears. Her arms jerked reflexively and Katyia knew if her arms had been free Mindi would have thrown both arms around her. "Its.....Its Kaitlyn."
"what?! What about her!"
Kaitlyn was the most beloved of Mindis 6 cats.
Sobbing pathetically and with ugly snot beginning to run down her face and no arm to wipe it on, Mindi explained in breathless sobs - " She was sleeping in the dresser, only I didnt know. Oh, I didnt know she was there, Oh, Kat!" Mindi wailed. After more pitiful sobbing Mindi continued. "I opened the drawer to get out some under-underwear *sniff* and her head must have caught on the drawer above and I heard the crack and Oh, Oh Kat I broke her neck I killed her I killed her! OH, Kaitlyn!!" Mindi began to scream and sob uncontrollably. Katyia herself was stunned by the Scat cop above her who suddenly crowed "CONFESSION!" and grabbed Mindis cuffs and hauled her to her feet. It must have been painful, but all of Mindi's pain was in her heart right now.
"Kat, you have to take them! My babies! Dont let them be separated, dont let them go to a re homing centre! PLEASE!!"
"Mindi -NO"
"PLEASE - KAT!" Those two words were the last Katyia heard properly as the Scat police began to drag her out. Wordlessly, Katyia expressed her distress to her friend, knowing she'd never see her again. Worst of all, was the sudden ease in her eyes, not merely an acceptance of her fate, but a feeling that she deserved it, every last bit of it. She had killed her cat - she had it coming. Katyia's heart hurt so much to see that ease, that acceptance, in her friends eyes. She did not struggle as she was dragged away.
"You better get movin miss. You'll be late for work" Confidently she fixed her bold green eyes on the Scat cop's face. He was standing over her where she still kneeled on the floor in her ridiculous straight skirt and loose blouse, trying to intimidate her.
"I think they will allow me a personal day. Theyve been asking me to get a new pet for a while, and its going to take some time to fill out adoption papers for all of these beautiful abandoned cats."
Scat cop left in a huff.
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Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
katyzzz
Comment by David
I like the premise of this:
And the regime's slogan:
And Rolf the fish.
There's a lot of energy in the second section. I wonder if the opening could be a little more panicky, without dropping any of the essential information.
David ...
Comment by Ancien Warrior
simply blown me away with the intelligence in the way you express the characters thoughts, the way you bring the reader into the story...well done
Comment by Nickoftime's Sanity Corner
great start, can't wait to read the outcome...I really enjoyed the way you've made the book take place in such an Orwellian climate!
Great read...loved Rolf!
Take care,
Nick
p.s.
Other post wouldn't go though for me either...
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
What do you mean, wouldnt go through? I need more info. Great to see you anyway! There will be more!
David,
So great to see you, I was hoping to get your take on it. I have my reasons.....Things are going to go bad fairly fast. But all comments are very much appreciated.
Ancient Warrior,
Thank goodness! I was getting worried about you....This is not my best work, you should read the good stuff!
Nick,
Thankyou Nick....Jeez, why does everyone love Rolf! I barely mentioned him! Thankyou so much - I was really trying to establish that feel! Theres gonna be action, and soon! (yipee Kiyay kinda action)
Explain - post wouldnt go through?
I had some dropout issues yesterday so it might be tied to that? Just explain the issue and I'll see what I can do about it. Thanks for perservering with it guys....
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
I'll echo David's comment. I really liked the way the pace picked up in the second section.
I like the premise of your story. Kind of timely that I'm reading something about the value of animals. My kitty cat Alfie went missing last Thursday and he still hasn't turned up. I'm completely devastated, but hope if someone has him that he better treat him extremely well (he's a very spoiled cat!).
Excellent work on your story
Kylie
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
an excellently crafted story. What an interesting world you have created... I`d definitely be interested to read more about it.
I`d like to see a world where animals have more protection... maybe not as much as you have described, but certainly more than they have now.
Great story look forward to more.
ash
ps Kylie I hope your cat has come back?
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Oh darlin. Its not good when spoiled animals get away...They think they got it goin on(cos theyre spoiled) but they have no idea how to take care of themselves. When my dog took off in thunderstorms I used to knock on doors with photos, and always, ALWAYS take a walk around in the middle of the night....Ive always found a lost animal then because theyve come out of hiding. It was in the middle of the night or early morning we found mums chiuaha on her escape run, the houdini dog who took off in storms or her daughter who just got clever one day.
Signs up round the neighborhood. Ad in the paper. Doorknock with photos. And walk around with a bikki box anytime later than 11pm. AND NEVER GIVE UP!!!!
This is why my cats are indoor kitties! I couldnt stand it!
Thanks for the compliment!
Ash
My sweet. This story has become a goddamn monster....I had not written a single note or idea - I just thought I'll blog it and see how I feel.....I now have ten pages of timelines and background notes.....This has become one of my biggest works over about 3 days! At least I love it, Im feelin it, and I cant WAIT to reveal all the society secrets to you!
The ending is going to be bigger than you can imagine. Some very smart people may be able to guess....
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Thanks! Its primary purpose is to remind me of the fun of just creating a story.