Kalikapsychosis - "Perfection is what its about. When you can feel, the perfection, of creation. The beauty of physics, the wonder of mathematics all the elation of action, and reaction, and that is the kind of perfection that I want to be connected to" - Sam, hooked into the data stream

About Rowdy.

Right now, Sampson is crying. He's locked in the bathroom with a special box so we can collect a urine sample, IF he ever decides to pee in it. His numbers were mostly normal, but with slight abnormalities which only trigger further examination because of his family history.

Sampson is Kmans cat, and Kman is not coping with Sampson's constant howling. He keeps yelling "just pee in the box!' because Sammy is his baby and he wants this torture to end. But in situations like this, you gotta be rock, you gotta be steel, you just gotta do what you need to do, because you're the leader of the freakin pack, and this is why.

Im afraid for Sampson. Parts of me will dissolve into despair if he is diagnosed with PKD or CRF or both. I'll be in agony every day of his life, slowly watching his death, if thats what it comes to. Sampson was born a star, the pick of the litter, everyone knew, the first time they saw him, that he was a special cat. Even the vet fell head over heels the instant she saw him. All of this is why I gave him to Kman - only the best for The Best. I love Sampson.

But he's not Rowdy.

I always said, that no one could see Rowd because he was in the shadow his brother cast. I tried so hard to bring the light to him and it always failed, he WAS a shadow, more than that, he absorbed light. He could hide in the tinyest slice of dark. Kman dubbed him 'ninja cat' for that. Well, that and the sneak attacks that were launched from said shadow.

Every day that goes by and the shard in my heart cuts me just a little bit more I realize, Rowd was the only one of my whole pack that loves me truly just to be with me. Well, Binky maybe, but its her instinct to be paired, and without another bird, Im it, Im her partner.

Zeze loves me. She is a part of my soul. But if I stopped feeding her, she'd review her loyalties.

Zenith considers me a friendly pack leader who ensures food and warmth. Niah barely notices my existance. Sammy only loves me when he wants something.

The birds - ducks and pigeons - consider me a jailer who barely gives adequete food and water.

The horses see me as an efficient herd leader, providing food and water and occasional scratchies.

Rowd just loved me. He just wanted to be with me, every second. He never could quite sit on my lap, but he loved to sit right next to me, or sleep on my feet in bed, or smooch me while I was watching TV. He didnt care about food, he didnt care about shelter or toys, he only cared about me and being with me. It was his whole existance. Whenever I think about the force of his love for me I simply cant believe I let him out of my sight for a second, that I took him for granted, ever, and yet I did, all the time. Because his love was so complete and never ending I took it for granted like no other, because I knew it would always be there.

Life's gone on, it always does. But my heart has not. In time I know I'll find sense in this, I'll see the reason, because the big picture is my talent, seeing it, knowing its reason for here a bright thread, and here a dark, its what I do. I know, my understanding will come and the universe will reveal to me the perfect why and I'll be new again. But I cant see it now....All I can see is that he's gone, and he loved me.....And it took him leaving for me to reach out to him the same way he always reached out to me.

I love you Rowdy, even though its too late. Im so sorry. If I could just touch you one more time, it would be enough. I miss you little man.

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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Goodbye, my Little Rowdy Man

April 3rd 2012 06:29

On Saturday, 31st of March 2012, my Rowdy lost his battle with CRF.

Its hard for me to say battle. There really wasnt one. I was so prepared to fight. I was prepared to do this for years, Rowdy only being 8 years old, I was expecting to fight for years. If you google feline CRF, 5 minutes of reading will give you an indication of what I was prepared for. And I was ready to do it for years. That, I think, is why my grief is so keen - I expected to do it for years. I barely hung onto my Rowd for 6 months.

Really, honestly, its like these past 6 months were a little gift for him and for me from the universe. Most people would have had him put down at the initial crash - anyone I told that was not an animal person certainly thought I was mad. A week in hospital with fluids and treatment was roughly $700. After that his almost weekly Renal Diet, $20 per box. Fortekor, $70 a box every 6 weeks or so.

As I said. I was prepared to do this for years.

From that first crash to now Rowd was the most special cat in the house, the first time in his life he had truly lived a life of privilege. He recieved a special 'treat' before dinner that no one else got - it was his fortekor tablet in a lump of meat - but to Dow it was a sign of superiority. To enhance this, he was escorted to the bedroom where he was given his Royal Canin pouch, a special food no one else ate. He was patted, stroked, groomed, and most importantly, observed. I never denied him a moment of attention. For the last 6 months of his life, Rowd got what he had wanted his whole life.

He was little down on Wed and Thurs, but still eating and drinking. On Friday he was even drinking on his own, but not interested in food. I started to worry that I hadnt seen him use the litter box. Then, when I got back from feeding the horses he had crashed. He was curled up in the cupboard on my clothes and wouldnt come out. We rushed him to the vet.

I was guilt ridden. I knew if this wasnt the end, it was going to be at least another $700, and I had only just, and I mean only just, finished off paying for the last one. I wanted, so badly, to be the kind of callous bitch who could simply end his life based on financials.

Part of me was filled with horror that I might have to be, even if there was a chance he could live, even if I could save him. So many of us had sacrificed so much for Rowd already, how much more could we all sacrifice? The horses short on hay, the birds with shorter seed rations, the other cats having delayed flea treatments?

I worked Fri night, and Kman rang me with the bad news. It just wasnt any good, any of it. I still didnt get it, not until Saturday morning, when I saw him. Even on fluids and painkillers, he was sick. The vet told me I could take as long as I wanted, but I could see him suffering. I told her now, I have to let him go now.

But I havnt.

When I pulled his limp body out of the cat box, I thought Id never stop crying. By the time I wrapped him in my shirts and his favourite blanket then put him in the 5 ft deep hole Kman had dug, I was empty. I thought my crying was done, even though I still missed him.

I went to work. I was fine. Sat night I knocked myself out. Sunday was a busy day. Then Monday came.

My first day without him.

Everywhere I go, I want to cry. Everything I see reminds me of him. I cant comfort myself with meditation, Im afraid to sleep.

Oh, my Little Rowdy Man, Im going to try as hard as I can to celebrate your life and not dwell on your death.

Rowdy and Sampson, not even a year old

Rowdy and Sampson, about a year old

Mum, Cant we open presents yet?

Mums coming! We're gonna open presents!

Rowdy with christmas presents, 2005

Rowdy in 2006. I was hoping to try out for longest cat in the world

In 2006 Rowdy was at his peak. So bulky and robust people thought he was a tom. This was the year he began to beat back when his big brother beat up on him

An extremely rare image of Rowdy and Xiara in the same frame. Competing for my attention

Rowdy and Sampson in 2008

Rowdy in 2011. Still up to mischief

Rowdy is only a few weeks from diagnoses in this pic

Only a few days after returning from hospital after his first crash

Forever in my heart. You never knew how much I loved you, Little Man.

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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The mystery of Piper

March 27th 2012 05:34

Shown here at 'her' most coy

For anyone who was wondering how my newest duck was doing, here is the almost grown up Piper. Im constantly looking at this mysterious little duck and thinking, 'in this way, she looks like Talli, therefore is a girl. But in this way, he looks like Wist, and therefore is a boy'.

I seem to be possesed of a very rare human gift - the ability to tell animals apart. When I had an aviary full of peachfaced lovebirds, I could point out each individual by name, and no, I wasnt kidding you, I really did know them as seperate individuals. My pacific blacks seem to pose a similar problem for most people, even when I point out that Talli has only one wing, this still doesnt seem to help. Talli is shorter with a squatter body and more delicate face, with distinct expressions. Wist is taller, fatter, his dark parts are far darker than Talli's and his expression is always open and seeming to smile, where Talli quite often looks...Well, pissed. The markings on her face seem to make a constant and definite frown.

Piper shares both the frown and the open smile, which gives my (for the moment) sexless duck and incredibly mischievous expression. This is enhanced by Pipers unbelievable intelligence - it is extremely rare in a prey animal to find complete problem solving smarts. Any prey animal is capable of solving basic problems, but when this advances into problem solving over a number of steps - with options on each step - its really quite remarkable. Piper can out think us by hiding and dodging, very disconcerting, for a human, to be beaten by a duck! I experienced this for the first time while wrapping the angel wing, and Piper's small, economic movements beat me or pre-empted me every single time.

Piper also seems to share Talli's squat body and economic head bobbing walk, but is tall like Wist. Whats the point to all this analysis, you might ask? If you research pacific blacks and see photos of them, I can tell apart the males and females instantly. This is hard for me when I look into the pen and I cant immediately tell what Piper is. Not even a hint, nothing to lay evidence clearly on either side.

If you're a regular reader, you know, Talli is most likely infertile, and my hope is that Piper and Wist will breed. I now have the added problem of Wist feeling man-like, and chasing Talli about constantly...So he can pluck her tail feathers! If Piper is a boy, they will fight constantly, and even though duck fighting is not dog fighting it will lead to damage eventually. For peace to reign and this venture to be even marginally successful Piper must be a girl...But as you can see from that look on her face, she's not telling.

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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Update on catfood

March 21st 2012 03:44

Its been about 2 weeks now and Im happy to report that the cats are just as excited about the new diet as they were on the first day.

That first night, Sampson, Zenith and Niah launched into it as if they had been granted access to kitty heaven. Xiara threw a massive cat tantrum and refused to even go near the bowl of her speacially prepared cat food, declaring she would never touch the stuff. It was partially cooked for a few seconds in the microwave and after throwing my own human sized tantrum I finally sat down with her and got her to lick a bit off my fingers. Her look of surprise and pleasure was a sight to see - "OH! Well, this is actually...Quite...Good

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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Kleos homemade cat food

March 9th 2012 02:57

Well today turned out to be cat food making day. I was going to make it Mondays, my day off, but last night thigh cutlets were on special so I decided to get it done today.

I just want to comment - It was gross. Ive handled raw meat in many different ways before, I even do it for a living, but today the sensitive stomach I havnt seen in years (even when I was pregnant!) reared its ugly head. Honestly, I think it was the liver and egg. Ive never been good with livers or kidneys. Ive cut up beef hearts for baby birds without trouble, but organs are a shocker for me. Flash backs to my TAFE days, dissecting horse gut. That'll turn you off anything! What Im saying is, this isnt for the faint of heart

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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First steps to a healthier, happier cat

March 7th 2012 04:19

Before I get started I'd like to link you to the articles where I have been doing the majority of my research.

Really Long Link
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Dealing with Dowy (the CRF cat)

February 24th 2012 04:36

My original post about dowy Really Long Link was very short and not very informative. I apologise for this but it was a few days before I was to return to work and not only was I traumatized to see a member of our family in such a horrific condition, I was overwealmed by information and feeling ultimately defeated because Rowd's father had already died of the same condition.

I have since learned that Rowdy's father was not, in fact, taken to the same vet that Rowd was, as I first assumed. The vet that dearly departed Matthew was taken to recommended immediate euthanasia without any treatment. I have no idea what stage Matty was at but other questionable practises by this vet (heard of, not experienced, thank god) have led me to believe his demise may well have been un timely

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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Piper's Progress

February 1st 2012 03:26

Last night was Piper's first night with the big ducks. He/She is simply too big now to keep in a box. During the day, Piper lives in a large cage which is inside the larger duck day pen - only for Piper's safety at this stage. Compared to the other ducks Piper still might look small enough to be tackled by a hungry magpie, but it wont be long before Piper can gallop about security free.

Here are some pics of the three of them together. You can tell which one Piper is - despite being almost completely identical Piper is miniature compared to the others. Wist was quite agressive - lunging at Piper and clicking his beak. Im not entirely sure what kind of damage ducks can do to each other....But I dont think its much considering Piper runs very fast. Talli is refusing all contact. Very typical of her

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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Piper Peeping

December 19th 2011 04:52

Piper, 24hrs old, Last Wed 14/12/2011

Piper is of course a week old by now, and with my experienced and perceptive eyes I can detect small changes. Piper is one of the most opinionated animals Ive ever known, who likes everything 'just so'
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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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One Duck a-cheeping

December 13th 2011 02:28

I was going to call this post 'One egg a-pipping' but things have progressed.

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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Waiting on eggs

December 8th 2011 10:49

Waiting is not something I do well. My catch phrase from the High School year book was "I cant wait!" and it was so unbelievably true. Ive been known to go red in the face, sweat, bloat and register fever high temperatures while waiting for something particularly exciting to begin. Alongside that though, we have my infinite patience when dealing with a young horse, and the amount of people heard to exclaim "you have SOME patience" after dealing with an animal that almost drove them to murder.

Last saturday, after 3 10 hour shifts, I thought I heard cheeping and cracking. It was just delirium though

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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Egg update

November 29th 2011 12:53

As Kman is so fond of telling me when I ring up from work. "they are still eggs. They dont do anything."

In the first few days of having them I was in a lather - I just felt anxious. Something was wrong, and I didnt know what. After some googling, I realized I had them upside down - the pointy end of the egg should be pointing down, if any end is. This is so the duckling can reach for the air bubble as it grows, it can suffocate otherwise. So for a few days after that I was sure Id killed them

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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Hatching duck eggs

November 17th 2011 13:19

Well, Kleo is very excited...With my tendancity to get ENthuSIAStic its exteremely hard because....Theres not a lot you can do for eggs. And eggs dont do a lot for you. Theres lots of ANTiciPAtion, which leads to thinking about cute baby ducks (AND WHAT YOU CAN NAME THEM!) but if you are as enthusiastic as little Kleo, you gotta nip that right in the bud. Because some eggs may not hatch, realistically, I have to consider none of them will.

But that is so hard to contemplate

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals

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Destiny and Duck eggs

November 16th 2011 13:44

On Sunday, I rescued a small bird from Teshan's water trough.

I had to work in the next hour, and was quickly doing an animal check and water top up before I went. I saw her spiralling in the water and thought she was dead, until I detected a faint flutter. I dived through the fence (in my uniform) narrowly missing barbed and electric wire. I snatched her up, returned to the house yard via a safe route and assessed her

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Animals, Spells N Magick

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