Flow....(Of Time?)
April 2nd 2008 01:38
Have you ever wanted to disrupt the flow of time? Rewind, replay, shift around this or that or play something differently? Im sure most people would agree, yes, there is at least something they would change if they could.
But, if you imagine such things, do you imagine also the consequences? If, for instance, I did not go to Korea in 2002, it seems not much would change, save my memories and knowledge. Other examples are worse - if I had never moved to Swallow Hill(which I dont really regret) I would not have Najara or Wist.
So many times, Ive thought, what if I was a good girl in high school...What if, instead of going hell for leather to offend the angry God Id known my whole life, Id completely ignored a situation that ended up so sticky...I honestly cant imagine what changes would have been made.
I know for sure, I wouldnt have so much dark inspiration to draw on. Fear, terror.....Its needed to put into characters at times, to put into stories, and if its something you havnt experienced, no amount of research will enable you to write about it. You cant just go out and buy that kind of knowledge.
If I could wake up tomorrow in my 15 year old body with all the knowledge I have now I know exactly what Id do - what I couldnt help myself from doing. Id wait until about 11pm at night, and then walk down the road to the cross street near my old house. There Id wait. Because sooner or later, Kman would walk by, on his way home from work. We lived in proximity to each other for years but never knew the other was there. We didnt meet until I was 19.
But....Would it work? Would I consider Kman a gentle man if I hadnt known true violence? Would he want me then and would we be mature enough to see the link between us? Would it be love or would we hate it - being so inescapably bound to one another at an early age?
If I could do this, just wake up tomorrow, back in high school, damn, would I want to do it! I could study harder, make provisions for Uni and GO instead of missing out. I could do so many things differently.
But I couldnt do it. I just couldnt. Theres far too much risk that going back and doing even one tiny thing - like not brushing my teeth on a day I previously did - could change EVERYTHING I have now. And I love what I have now. Even if I am a screw up, I love my life and I love me.
Even the nasty parts....
But, if you imagine such things, do you imagine also the consequences? If, for instance, I did not go to Korea in 2002, it seems not much would change, save my memories and knowledge. Other examples are worse - if I had never moved to Swallow Hill(which I dont really regret) I would not have Najara or Wist.
So many times, Ive thought, what if I was a good girl in high school...What if, instead of going hell for leather to offend the angry God Id known my whole life, Id completely ignored a situation that ended up so sticky...I honestly cant imagine what changes would have been made.
I know for sure, I wouldnt have so much dark inspiration to draw on. Fear, terror.....Its needed to put into characters at times, to put into stories, and if its something you havnt experienced, no amount of research will enable you to write about it. You cant just go out and buy that kind of knowledge.
If I could wake up tomorrow in my 15 year old body with all the knowledge I have now I know exactly what Id do - what I couldnt help myself from doing. Id wait until about 11pm at night, and then walk down the road to the cross street near my old house. There Id wait. Because sooner or later, Kman would walk by, on his way home from work. We lived in proximity to each other for years but never knew the other was there. We didnt meet until I was 19.
But....Would it work? Would I consider Kman a gentle man if I hadnt known true violence? Would he want me then and would we be mature enough to see the link between us? Would it be love or would we hate it - being so inescapably bound to one another at an early age?
If I could do this, just wake up tomorrow, back in high school, damn, would I want to do it! I could study harder, make provisions for Uni and GO instead of missing out. I could do so many things differently.
But I couldnt do it. I just couldnt. Theres far too much risk that going back and doing even one tiny thing - like not brushing my teeth on a day I previously did - could change EVERYTHING I have now. And I love what I have now. Even if I am a screw up, I love my life and I love me.
Even the nasty parts....
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Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Though there have been on occasions tempting thoughts...
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Im sure it would be hard for anyone if a little fairy came and gave you the choice, but Im glad that you're happy enough to know what you'd do. I think too many people get stuck on the 'what ifs' and end up just living on past decisions.
Thanks for taking the time to comment....even if we'd never do it, its a fun game to play sometimes!
Comment by tlcorbin
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Its good to hear, and even better to know a fellow traveller...