GoodBye Little Sweetheart Love.....
August 21st 2008 06:27
Im sorry I dont have a picture for you. Dont worry, we have plenty, but none are digital.
Wait. Kman took some pics of me in front of the fire last night and Jess was in them. If they download ok, I'll share them soon, so you can all see our pretty precious girl.
I was 13 when Jess joined our household. She had been my brothers dog - she lived a high life in the city, a high faloo-tin city yuppy puppy. She had all the designer clothes and used to visit Harrys Cafe de wheels and have midnight visits to the maccas drive thru. Despite loving her Daddy, she always had a soft spot for her 'Nanna'.
When my brother had to move to a smaller apartment, he regretfully handed over his $500 purebred chiuaha (I cant spell it - you get the idea) to her Nanna for looking after. It was only supposed to be short term, but Jess came and Stayed.
I was horribly resentful - My Cuddles and Tara had not been let into the house and shown no special treatment, suddenly on Jess' arrival all dogs were allowed in the house simply because her delicate constitution couldnt live outdoors. While my mixbreed mutts scarfed down their budget dog food, mum was cooking Jess a steak. She needed SO much care and attention.
How quickly though she became an outdoor dog - loved to run up and down the yard as dogs do and bark her little head off. As her breed is wont to do, she became snappy, latching onto the ankles of visitors, tradesmen and real estate agents.
We lost Cuddles when I was 15 to mammary cancer. She was 15 herself. Surely you can see by the ages that this one hit me pretty hard....We knew she had cancer but had been told nothing could be done, and so suddenly - one day I was playing ball with her (and damn let me tell you no dog could ever fetch like that dog!) and the next she couldnt get out of bed. I was distraught. Only about a few months later, her mother Tara died at the great age of 16.
Mum was worried that Jess would be lonely and brought home the tiny Tiffany. Tiff and Jess became the greatest of buddies and soon did everything together. Greatest of all was Jess' metamorphasis - from yuppy puppy to farm dog. As our enthusiasam for horses grew so did our back yard, and when we moved to property, despite already being an aged dog, Jess could strut from one end of the 5 acres to the other surveying her kingdom, as top dog. She barked to warn us of strangers, she patrolled for danger and she rolled her purebred coat in horse crap and other disgusting things. She chewed hoof clippings and brought in lizards. The older she got, the more she acted like a massive cattle dog rather than a tiny chow wow.
Jess loved adventuring - going in the car, going for walks. Oh, her greatest love was 'bishies' if we took them through a nursery and they had a fish pond she used to growl and howl and yap and got absolutely mental trying to get into the water and chase the fish. She could even be easily convinced that there might be a bishy in a bucket of water - from her days sailing on the yact with mum and a former boyfriend she was probably right to think so. She also loved swimming in the ocean, for such a tiny, delicate dog she tackled everything with an adventurous spirit and practical attitude.
She never got tired of the maccas drive thru either, making serving girls fall in love and hand over extra fries for the bright eyed darling yapping with excitement from the smell of the big macs.
Let me just say, I wasnt ready. No, I know, we are never ready for death, but I knew she was old, I knew it was ending, but I expected some warning, some decline in her health or attitude to warn me this was coming.
At approximately 11pm last night Jess had a heart attack and left this world and our loving arms.
Mum called me and said she couldnt get up. I wandered down the hallway, unconcerned. Jess has had operations in two different legs, and was very fat. At her age she also gets excited and short of breath and mum is an impossible drama queen. I was expecting to see her just a little bit tired.
When I got there, its all I saw. She was flopped on the floor, not upset, looking around. She couldnt stand - I said just give her a minute. I sat with her for a while. I fully expected her to shake it off and carry on as she so often had.
She didnt. She rolled over onto her side, and with my hand on her side and silky coat I felt it - something, I cant describe it - but I could hear her say to herself, "Enough, no more, Im not sticking around for this!" I just knew she'd had a heart attack. We called the emergency vet, and Doctor Jeff and his nursing staff have come to know Jess very well in the last few months as mum did everything possible to ensure her last months were comfortable and well lived.
Doctor Jeff told mum that she could bring Jess to the surgery if she liked, but there was nothing he could do for her. So we sat with her, we told her she was a good dog, a beautiful dog, the best dog, and while mum begged her to hang on and please breathe and dont go I just tried to accept it, tried to say goodbye and feel some closure within myself.
It didnt work. I just kept thinking about how I hadnt had time to take her for her walk that day and how sorry I was and couldnt she have just hung on one more day so we could go for our walk, and she could just sit in the sun and listen to the world go by. I never really got to show her how much I loved her and I wasnt prepared for how much I miss her.
Wrapped in her favourite blanket we took her to the vet this morning. We paused in the carpark, arms locked around the empty shell that still nevertheless held her magnificent spirit for over 12 years. Neither of us could bear to let her go. Mum just wanted to hold her forever. Her silken hair still felt like the skin beneath it was warm. It was as if she could just wake up and snuffle and bark and run out to roll in manure....
Not Fair I thought, Not Fair, to have to say too many goodbyes.....I whispered to her, to say hi to Cuddles and Tara, to play with them for me. At least she's with friends, she was so upset when they died, so Im happy at least she'll be recieved by good company.
Im concerned that cremation is going to take so long. We will get her ashes back in a few weeks they said. Why so long? Why cant we have her back sooner? I dont understand.
I keep looking for her. I keep hearing her snuffling, or her barking. Mum takes little Tiff out for a walk and I keep searching for little Jess as well.
Oh Darlin. We will miss you. We are missing you. Once again, life will never be the same again. Oh, we've done it enough times now to know the pattern - a hole is torn, and even though nothing fills it, new lives come along that you can love each day for their smiling faces, until one disappears.....
Wait. Kman took some pics of me in front of the fire last night and Jess was in them. If they download ok, I'll share them soon, so you can all see our pretty precious girl.
I was 13 when Jess joined our household. She had been my brothers dog - she lived a high life in the city, a high faloo-tin city yuppy puppy. She had all the designer clothes and used to visit Harrys Cafe de wheels and have midnight visits to the maccas drive thru. Despite loving her Daddy, she always had a soft spot for her 'Nanna'.
When my brother had to move to a smaller apartment, he regretfully handed over his $500 purebred chiuaha (I cant spell it - you get the idea) to her Nanna for looking after. It was only supposed to be short term, but Jess came and Stayed.
I was horribly resentful - My Cuddles and Tara had not been let into the house and shown no special treatment, suddenly on Jess' arrival all dogs were allowed in the house simply because her delicate constitution couldnt live outdoors. While my mixbreed mutts scarfed down their budget dog food, mum was cooking Jess a steak. She needed SO much care and attention.
How quickly though she became an outdoor dog - loved to run up and down the yard as dogs do and bark her little head off. As her breed is wont to do, she became snappy, latching onto the ankles of visitors, tradesmen and real estate agents.
We lost Cuddles when I was 15 to mammary cancer. She was 15 herself. Surely you can see by the ages that this one hit me pretty hard....We knew she had cancer but had been told nothing could be done, and so suddenly - one day I was playing ball with her (and damn let me tell you no dog could ever fetch like that dog!) and the next she couldnt get out of bed. I was distraught. Only about a few months later, her mother Tara died at the great age of 16.
Mum was worried that Jess would be lonely and brought home the tiny Tiffany. Tiff and Jess became the greatest of buddies and soon did everything together. Greatest of all was Jess' metamorphasis - from yuppy puppy to farm dog. As our enthusiasam for horses grew so did our back yard, and when we moved to property, despite already being an aged dog, Jess could strut from one end of the 5 acres to the other surveying her kingdom, as top dog. She barked to warn us of strangers, she patrolled for danger and she rolled her purebred coat in horse crap and other disgusting things. She chewed hoof clippings and brought in lizards. The older she got, the more she acted like a massive cattle dog rather than a tiny chow wow.
Jess loved adventuring - going in the car, going for walks. Oh, her greatest love was 'bishies' if we took them through a nursery and they had a fish pond she used to growl and howl and yap and got absolutely mental trying to get into the water and chase the fish. She could even be easily convinced that there might be a bishy in a bucket of water - from her days sailing on the yact with mum and a former boyfriend she was probably right to think so. She also loved swimming in the ocean, for such a tiny, delicate dog she tackled everything with an adventurous spirit and practical attitude.
She never got tired of the maccas drive thru either, making serving girls fall in love and hand over extra fries for the bright eyed darling yapping with excitement from the smell of the big macs.
Let me just say, I wasnt ready. No, I know, we are never ready for death, but I knew she was old, I knew it was ending, but I expected some warning, some decline in her health or attitude to warn me this was coming.
At approximately 11pm last night Jess had a heart attack and left this world and our loving arms.
Mum called me and said she couldnt get up. I wandered down the hallway, unconcerned. Jess has had operations in two different legs, and was very fat. At her age she also gets excited and short of breath and mum is an impossible drama queen. I was expecting to see her just a little bit tired.
When I got there, its all I saw. She was flopped on the floor, not upset, looking around. She couldnt stand - I said just give her a minute. I sat with her for a while. I fully expected her to shake it off and carry on as she so often had.
She didnt. She rolled over onto her side, and with my hand on her side and silky coat I felt it - something, I cant describe it - but I could hear her say to herself, "Enough, no more, Im not sticking around for this!" I just knew she'd had a heart attack. We called the emergency vet, and Doctor Jeff and his nursing staff have come to know Jess very well in the last few months as mum did everything possible to ensure her last months were comfortable and well lived.
Doctor Jeff told mum that she could bring Jess to the surgery if she liked, but there was nothing he could do for her. So we sat with her, we told her she was a good dog, a beautiful dog, the best dog, and while mum begged her to hang on and please breathe and dont go I just tried to accept it, tried to say goodbye and feel some closure within myself.
It didnt work. I just kept thinking about how I hadnt had time to take her for her walk that day and how sorry I was and couldnt she have just hung on one more day so we could go for our walk, and she could just sit in the sun and listen to the world go by. I never really got to show her how much I loved her and I wasnt prepared for how much I miss her.
Wrapped in her favourite blanket we took her to the vet this morning. We paused in the carpark, arms locked around the empty shell that still nevertheless held her magnificent spirit for over 12 years. Neither of us could bear to let her go. Mum just wanted to hold her forever. Her silken hair still felt like the skin beneath it was warm. It was as if she could just wake up and snuffle and bark and run out to roll in manure....
Not Fair I thought, Not Fair, to have to say too many goodbyes.....I whispered to her, to say hi to Cuddles and Tara, to play with them for me. At least she's with friends, she was so upset when they died, so Im happy at least she'll be recieved by good company.
Im concerned that cremation is going to take so long. We will get her ashes back in a few weeks they said. Why so long? Why cant we have her back sooner? I dont understand.
I keep looking for her. I keep hearing her snuffling, or her barking. Mum takes little Tiff out for a walk and I keep searching for little Jess as well.
Oh Darlin. We will miss you. We are missing you. Once again, life will never be the same again. Oh, we've done it enough times now to know the pattern - a hole is torn, and even though nothing fills it, new lives come along that you can love each day for their smiling faces, until one disappears.....
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Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Sending you thoughts xxx
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I`m so sorry to hear about your loss. Hopefully she is in a better place now and not suffering.
Hugs to you
Ash xxx
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I suppose the suddeness was a good thing - she never felt any pain, she was happy right to the end. Cuddles was in pain on her last day and Tara succumbed to dementia which upset her greatly, as she was a very organised dog.
They called us this morning, her ashes are back. Im sorry I never took a lock of hair.