Goodbye Gwynyfar (and a Talli update)
June 10th 2007 01:19
Gwen and Talli in happy healthy days
It was horrific, and thats all there is to it.
Id like to write some lovely, moving poem, but frankly, honestly, my soul is torn. Theres a huge ragged hole in it, a massive gap with its tatters blowing in the wind. Part of me just feels so empty. And frustrated. And Furious with myself.
Friday night mum and I went down to check on Gwen. With cyclone force winds and sideways driving rain she was happily swimming in the pond. We layed out some food and moved her box so she had a shelter if she should need it.
From the moment we moved to property, I knew I was going to lose at least one duck to violence. I knew it, it was a fact, and it gave me many sleepless nights. From the moment Talli broke her wing, and Gwen was alone, I knew we would lose her. I just knew it.
Friday night, I knew I should have brought her inside. I just knew it, yet I did nothing.
Cos, you see, ducks arent humans. Their outer feathers are oiled and lay over one another like the plates of armour. Their inner feathers are soft and warm so they dont feel the cold. Bad weather or no, she was happier out there. She told me she wanted to stay.
And it was that day I thought how old she looked, and wondered just how old she was. Not knowing her birthday, I had no idea.
Saturday morning.
I went down to feed the horses. We were getting Talli ready for another visit to the vet. I couldnt see Gwen from the feed shed. I ran out, calling her (I knew, Oh, I knew..) "Gwen! Gwen!" I screamed, as I raced around the pen to her favourite spot behind the pond.....
There she lay. Legs stretched out and stiff. Eyes wide and starkly frozen with terror. Beak torn. Skin ripped from her neck. My hand clamped over my mouth (Why do humans do that when they are traumatized? I believe its to keep you from screaming) The tears ran instant and hot. "Gwen" I moaned, and as mum made her way down I called "Gwens gone!" Mum couldnt believe it. We held each other and cried.
I asked mum to find her a box, we couldnt leave her there. I went to make up the feeds. Mum was sure shed caught herself in the wire, but to me it didnt add up. She could not have done this to herself. My brain was reeling - How did this happen? How How How....
At that moment, as if to answer my question, 2 pitbull puppies walked into my feedshed like they owned it. The looks on their smug little faces said it all. Gwen wasnt afraid of dogs - she played with mums chiuahuas all the time. Trustingly, she would have put her face to the wire to play.....And SNAP! They would have grabbed her beak and ripped her head through. Thus, the equations adds up. The missing skin, the torn beak, the utter terror frozen forever in her eyes. I chased the puppies off, we've had a few issues with their adult pitbulls, but I didnt know they were breeding the bastards! I hadnt seen the adults for ages, I believed we were safe.
Safe. What a laugh.
I went out to feed, and when I turned around the little pissers were back. Roaring like a madwoman(I think I was, a little) I charged up the hill like I was going to war. The dumb dogs didnt even flinch. I threw a bucket at one, and it took off. The other gave me a dopey look and in a two pronged attack I smacked its head with the bucket and kicked it up the ass with my big black boot. It gave a half assed growl and snarl at me as it fled with its tail between its legs. I chased them all the way home to the musical symphony of their mother going mad with rage in her cage.
I should mention, I know theyre only puppies, only playing. If killing and eating had been the goal there would have been more of a mess. I forgive animal nature, I really do. I do not forgive drunken, half assed owners that want to breed a dangerous dog and let them run rampant on my land amoungst my animals. So, thus, his animals pay the price in his absence. Im sure the little fuckers wont come back now, not after that serve, but if they do, I hope Shakir, my super dominant herd boss, kicks them to death. Theres a little payback for ya mate!
And that mother dog hates me. Ive chased her off a few times, now Ive threatened her pups. Goddess help me when they let her off the chain, but I'll be armed with my trusty swiss army knife and a piece of polypipe. Heaven help her if Ive got a shovel.
Pretty obvious I dont like dogs isnt it? Ive lost so many animals I love to dogs. Im thinking of getting myself a rodesian ridgeback, fight fire with fire!
We buried Gwen under my bedroom window, where the new pen will be built. Talli and Wist will not go in the old pen - I will not put any animal in there again, its bad luck! First Poshe, then Tallis broken wing, now Gwen. Im going to tear the pen down, consecrate the pieces and build a new pen right under my window!
In febuary, when I went to QLD to see my mum in law, she gave me a silver and amethyst ring. Ive been looking for REAL silver for a long time, distinctly different to sterling silver.
When I was in primary school, I wore a luck ring. Never went anywhere without it, until it broke. Just before the trip I was remembering that ring.
When My mum in law to be gave me the ring she told me - "This is for you, to look after you. Youre very special, we dont want to lose you. When youre in trouble, just give the stones a rub.....And She'll come."
Its a nice, flat ring that doesnt catch or scratch. I didnt think Id wear it much - rings and horses usually equal missing fingers, but its never left my hand. It comforted me greatly when Posh died. And, yesterday, grieving, I rubbed the stones.....
I could hear quaking, and flapping, and "HMM-WAA". I could hear "Woop-oop" and closing my eyes I could see......
The most beautiful lake I have ever seen. Vieled in mist and hanging with the most beautiful silver and black trees. Her arms went around me, pressing me to Her comfort as I cried, and I watched Poshe and Gwen play, flapping the water under their wings, turning somersaults in the water making mud puddles and over joyed to see each other and be together....
From the circle of her arms, I watched and cried, as She whispered in my ear...." Do not fear my love. She is with me."
If I want to see them, all I need do is rub the stones....*tears*
Goodbye sweet Gwynyfar! I will miss you, mum will miss you, Talli will miss you and Wistiful Wyrm will miss you.....My heart aches and my soul screams because you are not with me, but be happy.....Be happy there in faery! Dont give Poshe too hard a time....*more tears*
About 3 pm yesterday mum rang the vet to see how it was going. She was still in procedure. Guess what? I was right! Despite what the vet said earlier, he had to amputate the wing. Im sorry to say this, but, um, DUH? A huge piece of flesh just hanging there with no blood supply? Hello? I told you earlier this week to take it off mate! He said the skin had actually begun to degrade with perforations, as if she was getting rid of it herself!
Talli came home last night. The stump is ugly and shes trying to flap it, shes severly under weight and she didnt want Wisti to see her, but she'll be ok. Talli and Wist will breed and the duck family will be as it never was. Recovery is a long hard road but it should begin in earnest now that the wing is gone. Anti biotics, irrigation and a few more checkups and we should be well on the way....I bought her some live crickets to eat. I dont mind their singing....
And this is for whoever out there keeps cursing me.....
I am well aware, the best way to hurt me is through hurting my animals. But its the cowards way, the sneaky way. From now on, just hurt me ok? I cant take much more of this, Poshe and Talli and Gwen, and Zayfirs cut up his front legs and is limping around on swellings now too. Just cut it out - Leave my animals alone. You are only succeeding in making me angry, and that, indeed, is a very dangerous thing. Im never so vicious as I am when I am protective.....
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Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
You told us some incredible things. It really makes one stop and think.
I'd like to but I can say no more, I guess you've said it all.
katyzzz
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
~tears~ oh K I`m so very sorry, how awful. I hope that those neighbours of yours start sorting out their animals. Those pitbulls are a nasty breed of dog.
hugs to you K.
ash
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Comment by charliesgirl_992000
Histeries, Mysteries and what not
Lifes little slices
Mystical Creativity
very sorry!! Tammy
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Thanks for the visit and thoughtful words...
Tracy,
Thanks, that is a lovely pic from Ash isnt it?
Ash,
Yup, they sure are! A tree fell on their kennel in the storm, not hard enough Im afraid, but their owner didnt even move them!. I love the pic..
Tammy,
Thanks darlin. They have young kids too....
Mrs M,
Thankyou, you said it!
Comment by Wendi
Being out of town, I'm a bit behind on posts... and this one just broke my heart. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and so sorry for what your animals have been suffering. I understand that pain all too well.
*huge hugs*
W
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by Wendi
*shrugs*
One can hope, eh?
W
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis