Have a nice day!
August 18th 2008 05:38
Oh guys. Where do I start?
Im unemployed. Yes, again. Thats as good a place as any. Now, I loved my job - fiercely, encompassingly, loved it more than I have ever loved any job I have ever done. For the first month I pushed my personal life - and my professional life, the horses - over to the side and focused absolutely and completely on my work. The long hours and the saturdays bugged me, but I was determined to get money in the bank and be the best little collections officer I could be. I wanted this, this world where people have clean nails, nice clothes, and have barely any soul left for the Devil to chew on.
Over the last month Ive had attacks of concionse - I was too good. I could convince people to hand over personal information that they otherwise kept in the vault. Upon realization of this I didnt want to try so hard - my stats went down. Then, work started to conflict with the horses. Even though mum and especially my darling Kman stepped up to the plate there are things that only I can do. Work started to lose out to the horses.
And the cleaness of the place began to grate against me. Wearing makeup and perfume every day. The false people that populate cities and how they tell themselves its rewarding work.....I began to think back on my days on the process line, in manual labour. A palpable result, a job that uses your muscles not your brains. Places where my thoughts were free to roam while my body worked.
And so, I sensed the end was near. I know the feeling - its happened enough times now that I know it utterly. Still, I wanted. I didnt want to be a quitter - I wanted to do well, dammitt!
Then it came. After my clumsy and whinging posts last week, I was told that a certain day off Id asked for could not be given to me.
Id like to mention at this point, I am once again being fired for being honest. Do you have any idea how often thats happened? I could have lied, I could have held it under my hat and called in sick and dealt with the aftermath. Instead I told the truth and whammo. Fuck man, it just keeps happening. Kman wishes I would lie, really.
BUT, I was told, no. Us or the horses. No brainer. So, discreetly, my resignation was requested. Duly given. I was a little stunned. Like a hollow space inside me where Ive lost something, missed something, been hurt somehow. Something ripped free without my being told about it first. Already I miss my workspace, my phone, my files. I miss the work and its only been a few hours. But....
Since I got home Ive moved in the feed delivery, cleaned the kitchen and chopped some wood. Oh....The joy I felt cannot be expressed. The utter devilish satisfaction of working with my hands, sweating, my body alive as it uses every system. I threw my arms around Zayfie and had a wrestle almost as soon as I got home. He was happy to have mommy home. Binkys happy to have mommy home. Zee Zee is happy to have mommy home.....
Kman has accepted it. God I love that man. He understands me so well. He's just releived that at least Im not just walking out these days - When Im fired lately, (ok, only the last 2 times) Ive had a bit of money under me to forward pay my bills. Trust me, its a far cry from the old days of "You're all fucked" and walking out and expecting him to catch me. It was rather weird, leaving on good terms. I cant remember the last time that happened.
Mum spit it, apparently. She rang Kman to sound out the situation and apparently had a fit. She always does....How do you keep someone happy who constantly changes their story? She'll live. She'll get over it. She always does. I suppose, in her own way, she's happy. Ive given her something magnificent to complain about.
The wind is moaning, the clouds are covering the sky. Soon it'll be time to feed the ponies and put them to bed, get a fire going and make some dinner. Its going to be lovely catching up on all the household jobs, and wednsday - the culprit day that has caused this whole debacle - is going to be a big day. All horses getting foot trims, which means I can ride and work them again, and Zayfie gets branded. Officially, wholly and solely mine.
For now, Kleo is on holiday. Sure, I'll look for a job, I'll panic when the cash gets low, but for now.....Im having the nicest day!
Im unemployed. Yes, again. Thats as good a place as any. Now, I loved my job - fiercely, encompassingly, loved it more than I have ever loved any job I have ever done. For the first month I pushed my personal life - and my professional life, the horses - over to the side and focused absolutely and completely on my work. The long hours and the saturdays bugged me, but I was determined to get money in the bank and be the best little collections officer I could be. I wanted this, this world where people have clean nails, nice clothes, and have barely any soul left for the Devil to chew on.
Over the last month Ive had attacks of concionse - I was too good. I could convince people to hand over personal information that they otherwise kept in the vault. Upon realization of this I didnt want to try so hard - my stats went down. Then, work started to conflict with the horses. Even though mum and especially my darling Kman stepped up to the plate there are things that only I can do. Work started to lose out to the horses.
And the cleaness of the place began to grate against me. Wearing makeup and perfume every day. The false people that populate cities and how they tell themselves its rewarding work.....I began to think back on my days on the process line, in manual labour. A palpable result, a job that uses your muscles not your brains. Places where my thoughts were free to roam while my body worked.
And so, I sensed the end was near. I know the feeling - its happened enough times now that I know it utterly. Still, I wanted. I didnt want to be a quitter - I wanted to do well, dammitt!
Then it came. After my clumsy and whinging posts last week, I was told that a certain day off Id asked for could not be given to me.
Id like to mention at this point, I am once again being fired for being honest. Do you have any idea how often thats happened? I could have lied, I could have held it under my hat and called in sick and dealt with the aftermath. Instead I told the truth and whammo. Fuck man, it just keeps happening. Kman wishes I would lie, really.
BUT, I was told, no. Us or the horses. No brainer. So, discreetly, my resignation was requested. Duly given. I was a little stunned. Like a hollow space inside me where Ive lost something, missed something, been hurt somehow. Something ripped free without my being told about it first. Already I miss my workspace, my phone, my files. I miss the work and its only been a few hours. But....
Since I got home Ive moved in the feed delivery, cleaned the kitchen and chopped some wood. Oh....The joy I felt cannot be expressed. The utter devilish satisfaction of working with my hands, sweating, my body alive as it uses every system. I threw my arms around Zayfie and had a wrestle almost as soon as I got home. He was happy to have mommy home. Binkys happy to have mommy home. Zee Zee is happy to have mommy home.....
Kman has accepted it. God I love that man. He understands me so well. He's just releived that at least Im not just walking out these days - When Im fired lately, (ok, only the last 2 times) Ive had a bit of money under me to forward pay my bills. Trust me, its a far cry from the old days of "You're all fucked" and walking out and expecting him to catch me. It was rather weird, leaving on good terms. I cant remember the last time that happened.
Mum spit it, apparently. She rang Kman to sound out the situation and apparently had a fit. She always does....How do you keep someone happy who constantly changes their story? She'll live. She'll get over it. She always does. I suppose, in her own way, she's happy. Ive given her something magnificent to complain about.
The wind is moaning, the clouds are covering the sky. Soon it'll be time to feed the ponies and put them to bed, get a fire going and make some dinner. Its going to be lovely catching up on all the household jobs, and wednsday - the culprit day that has caused this whole debacle - is going to be a big day. All horses getting foot trims, which means I can ride and work them again, and Zayfie gets branded. Officially, wholly and solely mine.
For now, Kleo is on holiday. Sure, I'll look for a job, I'll panic when the cash gets low, but for now.....Im having the nicest day!
| 90 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Thanks for the visit, and yes, I am looking a different oppurtunities, but for now Im just enjoying the sights and sounds of home.
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
Oooh I can feel the energy shift here... this is where that bit of glee is coming from that is hiding in the back of your posts after this one!
I wish there was something for you to do so you could be at home - have you looked at a job as a Virtual PA? They set you up with an office at your own home and basuically you just sit on the phone and take calls pretending to be Dr So and So`s secretary, Mr La La`s secretary. Ms Hoo Ha`s Secretart - every call is for a different client and you just have to take messages. They do Part time and Full time work and it would mean you get to be at home with the animals AND get paid work in.
Hope all goes well
Ash xxx
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
A few weeks ago mum called they guy two doors down for some hay. He didnt have any, but mentioned he needed help getting his business up. Since then Ive met him and aside from the feed place - which is established but needs a kick start - he's got a house paddocks and stables. He wants the whole deal, a live in worker to create a 'horsey' atmoshpere as well as run the shop. There are some issues, but it looks like we might be able to work it.
Im not rushing towards it though, just feeling the way. I'll let you know if it works out.