Horror
September 9th 2007 20:15
The kookaburras are calling. There is a sense of unbelievable still peace as the birds awake and the horses leisurely chew their breakfast. They'll be finished soon - after all, they started eating before 5am.
This weekend could have gone down as one of the worst. Spirit was injured on Friday with what looked like a foot abcess. I did my best for him but Sat we had to get a vet. His foot will heal, just a superficial thing, but Ive had to give penicillin - the last shot still to go this morning. Penicillin is lethal to horses if you do it wrong and it terrifies me. Its so easy to mess it up....
Add to that ridiculous bank surveys and people showing up unannounced and it really could have gone pair shaped. But what was it instead?
Blissful. Every last moment of it. I didnt care about anything....Except being allowed to stay here.
I realized, if I died today, Id regret feircely working in the city. Merely a matter of principle of course - but I hate myself for stretching my principles so very far from true.
Death grabs me often and makes me think of him.....Ive seen my young face still and cold. Illusion?
I hurt - Kman asks why it hurts - sure, it hurts everyone, but why to me is it so much MORE? Like chinese drip torture AND molton hot pokers under the fingernails, fiery claws raking under my skin and screaming in my brain.....Whenever I have to leave.
The mask is so close to the skin. It sticks, it burns. It feels like its melting......How I hate the stupid thing....Wish I could tear it off.
This weekend could have gone down as one of the worst. Spirit was injured on Friday with what looked like a foot abcess. I did my best for him but Sat we had to get a vet. His foot will heal, just a superficial thing, but Ive had to give penicillin - the last shot still to go this morning. Penicillin is lethal to horses if you do it wrong and it terrifies me. Its so easy to mess it up....
Add to that ridiculous bank surveys and people showing up unannounced and it really could have gone pair shaped. But what was it instead?
Blissful. Every last moment of it. I didnt care about anything....Except being allowed to stay here.
I realized, if I died today, Id regret feircely working in the city. Merely a matter of principle of course - but I hate myself for stretching my principles so very far from true.
Death grabs me often and makes me think of him.....Ive seen my young face still and cold. Illusion?
I hurt - Kman asks why it hurts - sure, it hurts everyone, but why to me is it so much MORE? Like chinese drip torture AND molton hot pokers under the fingernails, fiery claws raking under my skin and screaming in my brain.....Whenever I have to leave.
The mask is so close to the skin. It sticks, it burns. It feels like its melting......How I hate the stupid thing....Wish I could tear it off.
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Comment by Nickoftime's Sanity Corner
as long as it isn't laminitis, he should be fine, and yes penicillin can be dangerrous, but in small doses administered very carefully bya qualified vet, it's fairly safe...
Glad it isn't more serious than just an abcess...
And as for the other, we often think of our own mortality....it's normal...
Things always work out, you'll see...
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)
Think he had the right idea.
Peace and white light,
Nick
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
I used to be scared of the idea of death. But it's not sometime that I fear anymore. When my time is up, it's up. It's what you do with the time you have that counts.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
The vet said it wasnt an abcess - he used hoof testers and said there was nothing in the hoof. He said it was more likely a lateral cut on the cornery band, its on the heel. The bulbs are white and really swollen. It just doesnt look right and this afternoon magnus is off his feed and his eyes look swollen - like he's got the flu! He has no temperature and still has some appetite but its worrying.
Over here the vets are very big on owners doing penicillin themselves - its only because Ive gone to TAFE and been educated that I know how dangerous it can be. I told him on Sat that I wasnt comfortable giving the shots(even though I have done it before) and he merely gave me a crash course and the auzzie adage - "She'll be right mate"
Turns out he was and I did very well, but I never get used to giving penicillin.
Thats an awesome quote - I love it. Thanks for visiting - Ive actually got some flu questions for you.
Kylie,
Thanks for sharing sweetheart - I cant imagine how painful that must have been for you.
I well understand that thinking about death merely retracts from the living part, but death has never once worried me - seeing 'visions' or having dreams of dying at a young age have never bothered me. However, Ive come to love my life more than I thought I could, and the constant pain in my head is beginning to scare me. This post was inspired by sickness but I didnt know I was sick until today.
I dont think I'll be able to let go like I once could have. For the first time Ive realized I would fight fiercely for this life.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
I'm consumed with thoughts right now Kleo.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Thanks for reading and commenting.....Hope I havnt made you think too much!