Judgement
May 25th 2007 06:05
I dont like judgement, in fact, I hate it. I spend my whole life trying NOT to judge. Of course I still do, Im human, but I put great efforts into NOT judging. I think Salt N Peppa said it best when they sang -
" Theres only one true judge and thats God, so Chill, and let my father do his job"
My judgements of myself however are incredibly harsh. Thats the one place I let it run rampant, and I have a current example...
Let me describe our property to you. Its four acres. It is littered with fallen trees, some half sawn up by a chainsaw, so, in effect, there are branches and logs and debri littering almost every spare inch of ground. Theres an abandoned and rusted out excavator bucket sitting in a corner, and Ive found glass bottles, plenty of shards, unidentifiable pieces of metal and other nasty things just laying on the ground. The fences are star pickets and a terrible wide square wire. I have no stable, no arena or flat ground that could possibly be turned into one. This is the catch cry of the half assed horse person, this property.
I consider this, in my judgement, utterly unforgiveable. I am NOT a half assed horse person! I went to TAFE for two years to gain certificates that say so. Ive successfully bred and shown a champion and plan to breed and show many more. I have careers mapped out for all the horses running on this injury frought ground. Im an acre short, because the rule is an acre per horse. Since moving in Ive caused waves of guilt with my next door neighbors, the fat, well fuzzed pony next door is suddenly wearing a rug(thats far too small!) and last weekend I saw the owners of the opposite side throw their horse a biscuit of hay.
She inspired this post, the horse next door. Shes a thoroughbred, probaby an ex racehorse. Shes far too thin - her ribs are sad, her shoulders sharp and her hips gaunt. She needs a rug because any feed she gets is shivered out every night - she cant go on like this or she WILL die of starvation. Her calls, at breakfast and dinner when my fat horses get fed are utterly pathetic. Shes so hungry. She has no grass, not a single blade.
A few years ago I would have been over there shoving myself down their throats. Put this rug on, feed her this, man, I'll even feed her myself for free!
A few years ago I also said I would never keep my horses in wire fences, I would never use a curb chain or rearing bit, I would never, EVER keep my horses in a danger frought property.
So now, here I am, on a property littered with potential injuries, with wire fences. I use a curb chain on my colt or on Mags when theyre flighty. I know, any horse person that drives past is judging me very harshly indeed, just look at the debri, the fences! No respectable horse person would keep horses like that!
But circumstance and financial hardship have wrought this. I know, no amount of excuses are enough for that horse person driving past, watching my horses picking through fallen trees, thinking "those poor ponies! Why doesnt she just get rid of them if she cant keep them properly!"
The very reason we ARE here is because I wont give them up, and I do my best. They get rugged and fed. They get checked over every afternoon and their feet picked out. I have my reasons for being here, for keeping my beautiful animals this way, and I believe Im working toward a better future where the paddocks will be green and clear, I'll have stables, arenas, and post and rail fences. None of this means a thing to those people driving past judging me, but I cant help that.
Bottom line - My horses are happy. Sure, over the first few days we had a barrage of strain injuries, swellings, cuts. I judged myself even more harshly for not calling a vet for any one of these injuries, and thankfully, they got over them all by themselves. They are now charging around up and down the hill, jumping the fallen trees. Ive even started to believe that its good for them, learning where to put their feet instead of just expecting it to be flat. Learning to pick instead of expecting grass to just be layed out in the pasture. Those could be just excuses to make myself feel better, but theyre good ones!
So all these reasons and excuses are the reason I do not judge the horse next door. Oh, sure they probably DESERVE my harsh judgements, no horse should ever get so thin or be so hungry, but maybe theyve got reasons and excuses just like Ive got. My first horse, Chester, was thoroughbred bred, and once someone called the RSPCA on me because they thought he was too thin. He was rugged and fed three times a day! He was just a 'bad doer'. Maybe they love her and dont know any better. Maybe I'll pop over and offer them a rug for her, just if they want it, at least I wont have to see her ribs any more.
Thats my continuing journey, in trying not to judge.
" Theres only one true judge and thats God, so Chill, and let my father do his job"
My judgements of myself however are incredibly harsh. Thats the one place I let it run rampant, and I have a current example...
Let me describe our property to you. Its four acres. It is littered with fallen trees, some half sawn up by a chainsaw, so, in effect, there are branches and logs and debri littering almost every spare inch of ground. Theres an abandoned and rusted out excavator bucket sitting in a corner, and Ive found glass bottles, plenty of shards, unidentifiable pieces of metal and other nasty things just laying on the ground. The fences are star pickets and a terrible wide square wire. I have no stable, no arena or flat ground that could possibly be turned into one. This is the catch cry of the half assed horse person, this property.
I consider this, in my judgement, utterly unforgiveable. I am NOT a half assed horse person! I went to TAFE for two years to gain certificates that say so. Ive successfully bred and shown a champion and plan to breed and show many more. I have careers mapped out for all the horses running on this injury frought ground. Im an acre short, because the rule is an acre per horse. Since moving in Ive caused waves of guilt with my next door neighbors, the fat, well fuzzed pony next door is suddenly wearing a rug(thats far too small!) and last weekend I saw the owners of the opposite side throw their horse a biscuit of hay.
She inspired this post, the horse next door. Shes a thoroughbred, probaby an ex racehorse. Shes far too thin - her ribs are sad, her shoulders sharp and her hips gaunt. She needs a rug because any feed she gets is shivered out every night - she cant go on like this or she WILL die of starvation. Her calls, at breakfast and dinner when my fat horses get fed are utterly pathetic. Shes so hungry. She has no grass, not a single blade.
A few years ago I would have been over there shoving myself down their throats. Put this rug on, feed her this, man, I'll even feed her myself for free!
A few years ago I also said I would never keep my horses in wire fences, I would never use a curb chain or rearing bit, I would never, EVER keep my horses in a danger frought property.
So now, here I am, on a property littered with potential injuries, with wire fences. I use a curb chain on my colt or on Mags when theyre flighty. I know, any horse person that drives past is judging me very harshly indeed, just look at the debri, the fences! No respectable horse person would keep horses like that!
But circumstance and financial hardship have wrought this. I know, no amount of excuses are enough for that horse person driving past, watching my horses picking through fallen trees, thinking "those poor ponies! Why doesnt she just get rid of them if she cant keep them properly!"
The very reason we ARE here is because I wont give them up, and I do my best. They get rugged and fed. They get checked over every afternoon and their feet picked out. I have my reasons for being here, for keeping my beautiful animals this way, and I believe Im working toward a better future where the paddocks will be green and clear, I'll have stables, arenas, and post and rail fences. None of this means a thing to those people driving past judging me, but I cant help that.
Bottom line - My horses are happy. Sure, over the first few days we had a barrage of strain injuries, swellings, cuts. I judged myself even more harshly for not calling a vet for any one of these injuries, and thankfully, they got over them all by themselves. They are now charging around up and down the hill, jumping the fallen trees. Ive even started to believe that its good for them, learning where to put their feet instead of just expecting it to be flat. Learning to pick instead of expecting grass to just be layed out in the pasture. Those could be just excuses to make myself feel better, but theyre good ones!
So all these reasons and excuses are the reason I do not judge the horse next door. Oh, sure they probably DESERVE my harsh judgements, no horse should ever get so thin or be so hungry, but maybe theyve got reasons and excuses just like Ive got. My first horse, Chester, was thoroughbred bred, and once someone called the RSPCA on me because they thought he was too thin. He was rugged and fed three times a day! He was just a 'bad doer'. Maybe they love her and dont know any better. Maybe I'll pop over and offer them a rug for her, just if they want it, at least I wont have to see her ribs any more.
Thats my continuing journey, in trying not to judge.
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Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
It's good that you care...even if you have to consciously not judge your neighbour.
I hope the horse is okay.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Great to see you on my new page!
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
I got a bit worried when your other blog had no posts on it.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Wade
montanarancherman
Comment by Wendi
This is so beautiful. It's so easy for us to cast judgments on others. Being able to see your own situation reflected in another's is a gift, and I love your solution. Maybe all of this is part of the reason you've nested where you have... not only to restore honor to the patch of Mother Earth your horses call home, but also to be a friend to those in need.
Beautiful insights. Truly beautiful. I wish more people had the ability to see themselves in others, or at least to leave their minds open to the possibiity that things aren't always what they seem.
Going to bed now... it's way too late for me and I'm morphing into a zombie.
::hugs::
W
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I'll do a goodbye one today for angst. Silly of me to assume everyone could find me...
Wade,
All situations require a pinch of salt in my book. Everyone has their reasons for everything, and judgement is the worst thing of all! Thanks heaps for the visit and the comment, great to see ya!
Wendi,
I think it stems from the fact that Ive often been judged harshly and Id hate someone else to feel like I have. Everyone has reasons. They bought her a new rug on saturday, the same ultra thick waterproof doona rug we got for Zayfir! They love her, they do their best, its obvious. Its not easy keeping a thoroughbred fat in any season, in winter its damned near impossible! Ive seen worse, much worse, at least they love her and they try. Plenty of people dont even do that.
Comment by Wendi
I admire the way you handled it.
W
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis