KLEO HATES DOCTORS......And its no joke!
February 19th 2008 04:42
Id like to begin with a rant -
GODDAMN KNOW IT ALL STAINLESS PERFECT GOD COMPLEX MORONIC CANNOT BE SWAYED POMPOS BLIND CANNOT ACCEPT WHAT THEY DONT UNDERSTAND......
I was born dead, Ive been sick all my life. I used to have to be on a vapourizer 3 times a day just to breathe, I had to spray all kinds a crap into my lungs just to make it into the next day. All this combined with being a sperm donor baby (before they screened the growing nucleas) made me a little behind the other kids....I guess.
I mean, I dont know. Im not a doctor. You'd think they would know. Funny thing is, they dont.
Heres what I know -
Born dead, and had to be revived. Had asthma like symptoms that the doctors swore was not asthma. My mum convinced them to treat me for asthma in my first 6 months, I improved, so they diagnosed asthma. Hence the vapourizer 3 times aday, and various sprays. Chest infections that felled me 6 weeks out of every year without fail. Arthritis and joint issues that put me out of sport from my 2nd year of primary school. At around 13 I had a bad fall of a horse - enter migraines and hallucinations. At about this point I threw out my asthma medication and got active - my asthma all but disappeared and so did the yearly chest infection. At between 14 and 15, I begin to have chest pains, along with the arthritis in my knuckles, wrists, hips and knees. I begin, also, to have demonic stomach cramps that rip the strength out of me.
I dealt with all this trying to avoid doctors as much as possible. Id already learned that they only wanted to deal with my immediate problem then hurry on to the next patient in the overcrowded medical centre.
When I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress in 2002, thats where it all goes bad. See, Id been having emotional issues for years, and dealing with it ok, but now I was over the edge. I lost 2 years of my life to their experiemental medications. I got it all back together, eventually, on my own.
Still, I had chest pains and gut cramps. I seemed to be felled by flu that much quicker than other people. The arthritis aches significant, sometimes I got short of breath, but still had asthma under control. I have always felt....SOMETHING. Something that is the cause of all these underlaying issues, something that could be fixed.....If anyone could be bothered to look for it.
The amount of times Ive heard 'hyperchondriac' and 'its all in your head'....It never stops hurting. Dont the people who say that realize Im smart, intelligent, capable of watching other people, their reaction times, response to stress and tiredness, seeing my co workers cope with cold or flu....And realize, no matter how healthy I am, I always fail before everyne else?
And the key difference would be, a hyperchondriac WANTS something to be wrong with them....I WANT to get better, and be healthy. For Once.
Oh, sure, Im only 25. How could something be wrong with me? Im pretty, which always goes against me. Im used to being sick or under the weather, so I can appear vibrant even with infection raging through my body. Heres a little food for thought - My brother went to at least 3 separate doctors complaining of chest pain. At the time, he was 26. All 3 told him he was too young for chest pain - stop worrying, get out, enjoy your life.
A week later he collapsed on the street. A valve in his heart which had been defective since birth had fnally failed. He was rushed to hospital and sawn open. His heart was stopped for 6 minutes while they replaced the valve with an artificial one - he clicks like a car indicator - and even after surgery he almost died.
Yesterday....I went to the doctor. Ive been feeling infection for a while, since last week, I think its sinus. I could feel that it was getting the better of me. So, head aching and sinus' screaming, I go and wait at the surgery after work. Its the male doctor - the moron who wanted to strap my toe to the others when it was full of pulsing blood! I already think he's a moron this one. So I wait. I get in, sit down. Ive still got my sunnies on and explain my headache, the pins and needles and loss of sensation down my right side, the lethargy. I also mention there was a message on my machine asking me to come down here - what was it about?
Before examining me (which he doesnt seem keen to do even now) he looks up my file. Why, its the notes from the nuero! Anxiety? Depression? Psychosis? He looks at me sideways.....
"You know, loss of sensation, pins and needles, is a common symptom for those with anxiety? Also headaches, stomach cramps....Lethargy?"
I scowl, "That may be so," (even if no one can explain it to my satisfaction) "But I still feel like I have an infection - I know anxiety, Ive dealt with it for years, I havnt seen a psychiatrist for over 4 years and Ive been ok, no panic attacks -"
"But you still hallucinate?"
*SIGH* "Yes, I do, But -"
"You know, if you are still smoking marijuana that can cause hallucinations"
DAMN that fucking nuero!
*SIGH* again, "That is NOT a regular thing, I dont do it every day, maybe once a month if that! Only when I meet up with my old friends"
"But your history indicates - "
" I did not take any drug of any kind until after I was 18, and I have been hallucinating and treated for psychosis since I was 14"
He gives me that LOOK. The one that says "What a likely story" without even using the vocal cords.
I know Im utterly fucked now. Pigeon holed. Crazy, psychotic, attention seeking hyperchondriac. Does not deserve treatment of any kind unless its a straight jacket. Time waster of the highest order.
"Look, mate, Ive been getting yellow and green mucus from my sinus, I know my body, its not normal to be this tired. I thought it might be a sinus infection, but Im not doctor."
Ah, that did it. Finally I have a spark of interest - playing up to his fucking God Complex. His chance to prove all he knows. He gets out his intruments....normal temp. Slightly high blood pressure. He listens to my lungs.
"Why, you actually have some congestion there - I hear the weezing!"
Oh, Really? Fancy that you fucking smart arse. If its all in my head does that mean its in yours too?
He feels around my sinus and glands - causing groans of pain when he unceremoniously digs his fingertips into my face. "Oh, yes," he says, "You seem to have a sinus and upper respiratory infection. Im going to give you some antibiotics, something for your migraines...And a referral to the psychiatrist."
Fine. Whatever. I take my scripts and go. The only thing I know for sure now is that I need to find a new medical centre....Because whenever I go to that one now they will blame the psychosis.
Today, I was reading an old Readers Digest - Oct 1995 actually - and I was reading a little medical story, I always seem to find these particular stories in the readers digest. It was about a young woman, about 26, who simply had 'A FEELING' that something was 'not quite right' in her right breast. There was no lumps or soreness, she simply FELT it. Something instinctual. Her first doctor dismissed her concerns, saying her mammogram was normal. The second doctor did the same thing.
The THIRD doctor found a fully matastised tumour, completely infecting the right breast and spreading to the left. They excuse the first two doctors by saying that being such a young woman, her breast tissue was that dense it made the tumours nearly impossible to see.
Did the first doctors even LOOK properly at the test? Or did they glance it over, making assumptions? What would have happened to her if the third doctor had not bothered to look? I know these stories are over looked every day in the news - the amount of people who die or are permanently changed because the doctors simply did not bother. Kman said this morning while I was ranting - "Well, they did used to think it was a good idea to bleed people" Indeed! Perhaps in ten years they'll say whoops, all those x rays and mris, it really WASNT healthy to subject human bodies to that much radiation.....Sorry, but we thought we were doing the right thing. You understand dont you? I mean, its only your quality of life after all. Im sure you can live without it for the sake of medical science......
Fact is now, I hate them and mistrust them so much Im beginning to feel ID RATHER DIE than sort through doctors to find a good one. I cant hear "Its all in your head" one more time let alone twenty, and who knows how far and wide Id have to search to find one that wants to listen......And I dont really have time to go sorting through doctors to find one who'll listen. That leaves me with the same option as my brother - wait for a collapse of some sort and hope someones real quick with the 000.
You know who I need? I need doctor House. I dont need a doctor who gives a shit about the patient, I need a doctor so fascinated by symptoms that dont add up he has to find the answer - instead of doctors who see symptoms that dont add up and say, "well, she's just got to be making those up. They dont fit"
Of course, House might say that too.....
Oh, and just while Im having an insensitive rant, what have I got to do to find a doctor that speaks good enough english Im SURE he understands me? I mean, they dont have to be australian or even white, Im open to all races and cultures......But a firm command of the english langauge should be important, yes?
GODDAMN KNOW IT ALL STAINLESS PERFECT GOD COMPLEX MORONIC CANNOT BE SWAYED POMPOS BLIND CANNOT ACCEPT WHAT THEY DONT UNDERSTAND......
I was born dead, Ive been sick all my life. I used to have to be on a vapourizer 3 times a day just to breathe, I had to spray all kinds a crap into my lungs just to make it into the next day. All this combined with being a sperm donor baby (before they screened the growing nucleas) made me a little behind the other kids....I guess.
I mean, I dont know. Im not a doctor. You'd think they would know. Funny thing is, they dont.
Heres what I know -
Born dead, and had to be revived. Had asthma like symptoms that the doctors swore was not asthma. My mum convinced them to treat me for asthma in my first 6 months, I improved, so they diagnosed asthma. Hence the vapourizer 3 times aday, and various sprays. Chest infections that felled me 6 weeks out of every year without fail. Arthritis and joint issues that put me out of sport from my 2nd year of primary school. At around 13 I had a bad fall of a horse - enter migraines and hallucinations. At about this point I threw out my asthma medication and got active - my asthma all but disappeared and so did the yearly chest infection. At between 14 and 15, I begin to have chest pains, along with the arthritis in my knuckles, wrists, hips and knees. I begin, also, to have demonic stomach cramps that rip the strength out of me.
I dealt with all this trying to avoid doctors as much as possible. Id already learned that they only wanted to deal with my immediate problem then hurry on to the next patient in the overcrowded medical centre.
When I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress in 2002, thats where it all goes bad. See, Id been having emotional issues for years, and dealing with it ok, but now I was over the edge. I lost 2 years of my life to their experiemental medications. I got it all back together, eventually, on my own.
Still, I had chest pains and gut cramps. I seemed to be felled by flu that much quicker than other people. The arthritis aches significant, sometimes I got short of breath, but still had asthma under control. I have always felt....SOMETHING. Something that is the cause of all these underlaying issues, something that could be fixed.....If anyone could be bothered to look for it.
The amount of times Ive heard 'hyperchondriac' and 'its all in your head'....It never stops hurting. Dont the people who say that realize Im smart, intelligent, capable of watching other people, their reaction times, response to stress and tiredness, seeing my co workers cope with cold or flu....And realize, no matter how healthy I am, I always fail before everyne else?
And the key difference would be, a hyperchondriac WANTS something to be wrong with them....I WANT to get better, and be healthy. For Once.
Oh, sure, Im only 25. How could something be wrong with me? Im pretty, which always goes against me. Im used to being sick or under the weather, so I can appear vibrant even with infection raging through my body. Heres a little food for thought - My brother went to at least 3 separate doctors complaining of chest pain. At the time, he was 26. All 3 told him he was too young for chest pain - stop worrying, get out, enjoy your life.
A week later he collapsed on the street. A valve in his heart which had been defective since birth had fnally failed. He was rushed to hospital and sawn open. His heart was stopped for 6 minutes while they replaced the valve with an artificial one - he clicks like a car indicator - and even after surgery he almost died.
Yesterday....I went to the doctor. Ive been feeling infection for a while, since last week, I think its sinus. I could feel that it was getting the better of me. So, head aching and sinus' screaming, I go and wait at the surgery after work. Its the male doctor - the moron who wanted to strap my toe to the others when it was full of pulsing blood! I already think he's a moron this one. So I wait. I get in, sit down. Ive still got my sunnies on and explain my headache, the pins and needles and loss of sensation down my right side, the lethargy. I also mention there was a message on my machine asking me to come down here - what was it about?
Before examining me (which he doesnt seem keen to do even now) he looks up my file. Why, its the notes from the nuero! Anxiety? Depression? Psychosis? He looks at me sideways.....
"You know, loss of sensation, pins and needles, is a common symptom for those with anxiety? Also headaches, stomach cramps....Lethargy?"
I scowl, "That may be so," (even if no one can explain it to my satisfaction) "But I still feel like I have an infection - I know anxiety, Ive dealt with it for years, I havnt seen a psychiatrist for over 4 years and Ive been ok, no panic attacks -"
"But you still hallucinate?"
*SIGH* "Yes, I do, But -"
"You know, if you are still smoking marijuana that can cause hallucinations"
DAMN that fucking nuero!
*SIGH* again, "That is NOT a regular thing, I dont do it every day, maybe once a month if that! Only when I meet up with my old friends"
"But your history indicates - "
" I did not take any drug of any kind until after I was 18, and I have been hallucinating and treated for psychosis since I was 14"
He gives me that LOOK. The one that says "What a likely story" without even using the vocal cords.
I know Im utterly fucked now. Pigeon holed. Crazy, psychotic, attention seeking hyperchondriac. Does not deserve treatment of any kind unless its a straight jacket. Time waster of the highest order.
"Look, mate, Ive been getting yellow and green mucus from my sinus, I know my body, its not normal to be this tired. I thought it might be a sinus infection, but Im not doctor."
Ah, that did it. Finally I have a spark of interest - playing up to his fucking God Complex. His chance to prove all he knows. He gets out his intruments....normal temp. Slightly high blood pressure. He listens to my lungs.
"Why, you actually have some congestion there - I hear the weezing!"
Oh, Really? Fancy that you fucking smart arse. If its all in my head does that mean its in yours too?
He feels around my sinus and glands - causing groans of pain when he unceremoniously digs his fingertips into my face. "Oh, yes," he says, "You seem to have a sinus and upper respiratory infection. Im going to give you some antibiotics, something for your migraines...And a referral to the psychiatrist."
Fine. Whatever. I take my scripts and go. The only thing I know for sure now is that I need to find a new medical centre....Because whenever I go to that one now they will blame the psychosis.
Today, I was reading an old Readers Digest - Oct 1995 actually - and I was reading a little medical story, I always seem to find these particular stories in the readers digest. It was about a young woman, about 26, who simply had 'A FEELING' that something was 'not quite right' in her right breast. There was no lumps or soreness, she simply FELT it. Something instinctual. Her first doctor dismissed her concerns, saying her mammogram was normal. The second doctor did the same thing.
The THIRD doctor found a fully matastised tumour, completely infecting the right breast and spreading to the left. They excuse the first two doctors by saying that being such a young woman, her breast tissue was that dense it made the tumours nearly impossible to see.
Did the first doctors even LOOK properly at the test? Or did they glance it over, making assumptions? What would have happened to her if the third doctor had not bothered to look? I know these stories are over looked every day in the news - the amount of people who die or are permanently changed because the doctors simply did not bother. Kman said this morning while I was ranting - "Well, they did used to think it was a good idea to bleed people" Indeed! Perhaps in ten years they'll say whoops, all those x rays and mris, it really WASNT healthy to subject human bodies to that much radiation.....Sorry, but we thought we were doing the right thing. You understand dont you? I mean, its only your quality of life after all. Im sure you can live without it for the sake of medical science......
Fact is now, I hate them and mistrust them so much Im beginning to feel ID RATHER DIE than sort through doctors to find a good one. I cant hear "Its all in your head" one more time let alone twenty, and who knows how far and wide Id have to search to find one that wants to listen......And I dont really have time to go sorting through doctors to find one who'll listen. That leaves me with the same option as my brother - wait for a collapse of some sort and hope someones real quick with the 000.
You know who I need? I need doctor House. I dont need a doctor who gives a shit about the patient, I need a doctor so fascinated by symptoms that dont add up he has to find the answer - instead of doctors who see symptoms that dont add up and say, "well, she's just got to be making those up. They dont fit"
Of course, House might say that too.....
Oh, and just while Im having an insensitive rant, what have I got to do to find a doctor that speaks good enough english Im SURE he understands me? I mean, they dont have to be australian or even white, Im open to all races and cultures......But a firm command of the english langauge should be important, yes?
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OMG Kleo, That was sooo funny!!! Made me laugh out loude and read that part after explaining some, to kaitlyn.
The rest is not funny and I am sorry because I know exactly what your talking about. My dr treated me the same way. he totally pretty much ingnored my kidney pain. I would just be sitting doing nothing and out of nowhre it would feel like someone took a knife, shoved it into my kidneya nd twisted it. i'd jump and scream. That is NOT normal. I've had it for six months or more, and now worse things have started.
He calls meMonday after my trip to the ER and actualy says "I'm emberassed to say I havent been following your case!" What the hell, he just saw me ten days before taht. I was in his office and couldn't even breath, making these horrible gasping noises. He gave me advair to try and sent me for chest X-Rays. Wonder if he even looked at them. I hope you soon start gteting answer, A new dr would be good too probably. thats what I have finally done.
hugs, Tammy
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Im keeping my appendix. Never know when you might need to live on roughage.
Tammy
Yeah, it was spooky to go to your blog after writing this! Youve certainly got me worried about my kidney pain and cysts now!