Kleo's mind....
April 26th 2007 03:10
Just to warn you....This post may ramble a bit.
I tried to upload a video of ducki for you all, but couldnt quite manage it.
You know those scenes in movies where the superhero gets their powers? Poor ol spiderman, sweating like a beast and falling on the floor, Halle Berry scrabbling at the ground cos her senses are trippin. I feel a bit like that now. A quick description? Complete and utter exhaustion. Yet my senses are awake and alive, my brain wont stop. I tried to go back to bed yesterday and laid there like I had electricity flooding through me, only to get up and wander like a zombie. Now, at that time of the month, Im usually drained and tired, but this is RIDICULOUS man!
Its supposed to be raining today - Raining! And the bloody sun is shining again. Oh, so the horses get upset when it rains and it makes everything harder to look after. Big whoop. When the skys so dark and the rain is pouring over us NO ONE can tell me to move from the indoors - I can sit and think about drawing and writing and still not get around to it.
But this motherhood thing is just getting me down....
Magnus is trying to kill me. He tried to kill everyone when he was still a colt, but since we snipped him he's been an angel. For about 2 weeks before his hoof injury he was trying it on - I thought the injury might mellow him, but no! This morning hes out of his box and out in the big yard. He kicked his fucking stall door down! Can you believe it? Im just not going near him - if he wants to be insane, Im not getting involved.
Wistiful doesnt want cuddles today - The ghostly duck of wild duck advice must have visited her in the night and told her just how evil we humans are. Since Friday last week I havnt had any proper sleep - Shes in our bedroom, all others are taken - always wanting more food, more comfort. Now I wake up to give it to her and she runs away! I cant figure it out.....In a few weeks she can meet the big ducks.
Najara....Man, I saw the funniest thing this morning! Sampson has been trying to murder her every second my back is turned. He chased her down the hallway this morning, so I followed, and grabbed him by the scruff and fell on him like a mother cat. Before I could begin to give him a stern talking to, Najara 'plopped' to the floor and STRUTTED over, making growling sounds. While I held him down, she did a threat display. Very effective and embarassing.
Now one of the cats has left a crap twice the size of itself in the bathroom...Lovely. And I keep finding vomits everywhere - will you guys give me a BREAK PLEASE!!!!
We are moving. Probably on the 5th, Kmans birthday. The house is too small, the land is too small. Oh, it'll be easier living, the house is new, so no more rusty bathtub and shocking electrics, no stables (Up yours MAGS!) and already fenced, but we're going to kill each other. Thats assured.
And Ive realized - even though I wanted to move outta here before anyone else did - I will miss this place. The swallows, the hanging out my office window to take photos, the five tiny acres that seem to go on forever - all the little things. Ive grown comfortable.
I want a ciggarette! I have papers, I have filters, but I'll have to go through the ashtrays to find enough tobacco to actually MAKe a cigarette! The things you learn in your 20s....
And the worst thing. Its my birthday next week. The 2nd. I just want to forget about it. I dont want to be 25 and still singing the same song I was when I was 15. I dont want mum and Kman giving me presents and all the little comments that say since Im not working, I dont really deserve them. I just want to put the day on hold and save it till christmas - I love christmas. Everyones nice wether they want to be or not.
I have got to get over this rut.
I tried to upload a video of ducki for you all, but couldnt quite manage it.
You know those scenes in movies where the superhero gets their powers? Poor ol spiderman, sweating like a beast and falling on the floor, Halle Berry scrabbling at the ground cos her senses are trippin. I feel a bit like that now. A quick description? Complete and utter exhaustion. Yet my senses are awake and alive, my brain wont stop. I tried to go back to bed yesterday and laid there like I had electricity flooding through me, only to get up and wander like a zombie. Now, at that time of the month, Im usually drained and tired, but this is RIDICULOUS man!
Its supposed to be raining today - Raining! And the bloody sun is shining again. Oh, so the horses get upset when it rains and it makes everything harder to look after. Big whoop. When the skys so dark and the rain is pouring over us NO ONE can tell me to move from the indoors - I can sit and think about drawing and writing and still not get around to it.
But this motherhood thing is just getting me down....
Magnus is trying to kill me. He tried to kill everyone when he was still a colt, but since we snipped him he's been an angel. For about 2 weeks before his hoof injury he was trying it on - I thought the injury might mellow him, but no! This morning hes out of his box and out in the big yard. He kicked his fucking stall door down! Can you believe it? Im just not going near him - if he wants to be insane, Im not getting involved.
Wistiful doesnt want cuddles today - The ghostly duck of wild duck advice must have visited her in the night and told her just how evil we humans are. Since Friday last week I havnt had any proper sleep - Shes in our bedroom, all others are taken - always wanting more food, more comfort. Now I wake up to give it to her and she runs away! I cant figure it out.....In a few weeks she can meet the big ducks.
Najara....Man, I saw the funniest thing this morning! Sampson has been trying to murder her every second my back is turned. He chased her down the hallway this morning, so I followed, and grabbed him by the scruff and fell on him like a mother cat. Before I could begin to give him a stern talking to, Najara 'plopped' to the floor and STRUTTED over, making growling sounds. While I held him down, she did a threat display. Very effective and embarassing.
Now one of the cats has left a crap twice the size of itself in the bathroom...Lovely. And I keep finding vomits everywhere - will you guys give me a BREAK PLEASE!!!!
We are moving. Probably on the 5th, Kmans birthday. The house is too small, the land is too small. Oh, it'll be easier living, the house is new, so no more rusty bathtub and shocking electrics, no stables (Up yours MAGS!) and already fenced, but we're going to kill each other. Thats assured.
And Ive realized - even though I wanted to move outta here before anyone else did - I will miss this place. The swallows, the hanging out my office window to take photos, the five tiny acres that seem to go on forever - all the little things. Ive grown comfortable.
I want a ciggarette! I have papers, I have filters, but I'll have to go through the ashtrays to find enough tobacco to actually MAKe a cigarette! The things you learn in your 20s....
And the worst thing. Its my birthday next week. The 2nd. I just want to forget about it. I dont want to be 25 and still singing the same song I was when I was 15. I dont want mum and Kman giving me presents and all the little comments that say since Im not working, I dont really deserve them. I just want to put the day on hold and save it till christmas - I love christmas. Everyones nice wether they want to be or not.
I have got to get over this rut.
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Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
recycled ciggies.. oh yeah, i know...
everyone deserves a present on their birthday..
three violets and a sprig of baby's breath,
~Lily
Comment by David
I say, rant and rave on all you like ... It's how I deal with ruts ... (It's why I write so much ... [Life is a rut itself ...
David ...
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
So pleased you're not moving to a small unit in the City.
Magnus. oh what a doll, from a distance, here I am, taking it easy.
25, oh, dear, you are getting on. Don't worry, soon you'll be able to join my little oldies group.
For me,....it's only just begun,,,....as the song says.
'taking it easy!, as another song says.
katyzzz
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
It has a lovely modern bathroom and Im looking forward to breaking in the bath....I took a devilish delight yesterday, when Mum was going on about having a proper bathroom and kitchen again...I said, "But you wont have a bathroom, or a kitchen. You'll be sharing it with US, and Kman likes to stylize his beard, so you get shavings in the sink, razor marks on the walls, crap left everywhere...And thats just him! Im WORSE....Face creams and makeup and cotton balls..."
Im still grinning over her look of shock!
I rustled up enough tobbaco for one ciggi. Didnt taste very nice.
David,
Great to see you.Thats whats so bloody frustrating, I'll get over this only to be in the new rut...Why do I bother at all? Oh, thats right, it makes for great writing....Bloody tortured souls with literary skills...
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Seems like you have a very productive cat!
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
The new house sounds like it will be good. The altercation between Sampson and Najara sounds hilarious.
Hope your birthday is the start of a new phase for you. Everyone deserves to have a great birthday. Everyone.
Kylie
Comment by Wendi
First, I want to acknowledge 25. It was one of my most difficult and transformational ages. Expect things to be a bit whacked, but know that it's all part of a beautiful process. You're maturing... it's strange, it's odd, it's uncomfortable, it's scary... but the end results are so worth the struggles.
When reading your challenges with your animals, it reminded me so so so much of some of the struggles I've had with my children... the human ones. Considering your recent ponderings on parenthood, I'd say the Universe is sending you through some sort of training camp!
I laughed wildly at your comment about the cat leaving "pressies" twice the size of itself. That's so funny. One of my kittens tried to start a fire this morning by pissing directly on a power strip. It started sparking and flaring everywhere... I'm just lucky Rhythm was nearby to catch it, otherwise it could have been an ordeal!
I think you're doing great... and I love the way you're writing it out.
::hugs::
W
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I just hate feeling "in between" Im just not happy at the moment and dont see why I have to play a character to the people I love the most.
After kicking the stable door down where is your little darling now? Sulking in the box. Youve got to be kidding me. Hes going to see his Big Brother and his mother - Im not taking this crap!
Cibby,
You have no idea. Some animals are smart, some are VERY smart, and then you get Sampson....Genius level intelligence. Hes a bit like DogBert actually.
KylieW,
Hilarious but traumatic. Najara is quick but shes only ever seen his claws retracted - I dont think she realizes that they come out. Its just not healthy to swoop the cats when they are longing for her death - I cant be everywhere!
Its not that I dont deserve a birthday I just dont want it yet - put it on hold till christmas when I can enjoy it properly!
Wendi,
Oh man....ROFLOL&LMAO!!!
It does feel a bit like that....Now that we have a 'baby' in the house everythings in termoil...I just dont understand how, on the exact moment I get my first period cramp, horses start deconstruction of the fences, kicking down stable doors and breaking into feedsheds. All the wood disappears, Najara starts attacking my face and then the most dangerous cats...Babies cry and need constant attention that they actually dont want, and cats pee from one end of the house to the other throwing up furballs and projectile shitting!! WHY NOW??
I just cant get that image out of my head with the kitten, thats so funny! Najara like to put OUT fires, jumping on ashtrays and leaping at your lit ciggi to put it out! She doesnt like the hearth though. I swear if she could piss on it she would.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
I agree with Wendi on this
My mother told me to not commit to anything that I couldn't get out of easily (ie marriage, motherhood) before I was 25 because what you want at 18 or 21 is different to 25.
I'm 33 now and I have to say that I agree with her assessment.
You're only 25 and yet you seem older. You are such a thinker. Just roll with it girl....you never know where you might end up.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Now it happens the exact same way, I get the same puzzled look but the comment is..."wait...How old are you?"
Old Soul Mrs M, Old Soul, Old Blood, Old Bones....
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
Sorry I`m so late here.... you sounds like you have a mad house hey! And now moving. I do hope you enjoy your birthday tomorrow though... and enjoy the presents don`t see them as resentments...
25 huh? I have to say each year since then has been a pretty weird year too, it feels like going through your teens all over again... getting your head around life... but it`s growing therefore it`s a good thing... so the ladies have said beforehand.
I hope you feel less stretched today K
ash