Last night....(In Sickness again)
April 22nd 2008 02:21
This post has no value unless you like to listen to me crap on about myself. Just thought Id warn you.
Yesterday I did well. I cant collect anymore wood because its been raining for so long that it really is a joke. Ive brought in wet wood before - you can arrange it around the fireplace and it will dry out in a few hours. But I was thinking how HEAVY it would be and decided against, we still have a few nights worth.
So I go out, and decide to bring the boys in, one by one. Take rugs off and brush then put rugs back on. Check feet, and in Spirits case, clean the sores on his face and cover him in anti itch cream. He's addicted to scratching and he can no longer reach his most loved places - tail and mane - as we have covered him in a massive thick rug. So he turns to the only unprotected part of his body - the face.
Anyways, its late by the time I feed, and getting dark already. I bring up hay, get the laundry ready for the birds later, and start a couple of things for dinner. Then relax with friends and a vodka. Normally now Id stay put through neighbors, but Im feeling restless and still havnt lit the fire, so head out and do that. Still restless, I start dinner, my fantastic chicken satay. As Im cooking I start to feel a strange sensation.
Its like Im in a vice - being squeezed slowly but surely through my mid section. Its only mildy unpleasant, so I press on. Im used to pain. As I cook it gets worse and I think it might be to do with my period which has come mysteriously early and heavier than Ive ever known. I wrap a jumper around my waist - I dont feel the cold much, but since I often suffer kidney chill Ive worked out its just my back that wants the warm.
I complete my mastery on the sauce and jump in the shower. Im feeling strangely cold which is weird - normally even in temperatures like this I dont have the shower too hot and still have the window open. Well, I blast the heat up as hot as I can stand and then pain fades. Just disappears. Well, I think, thats the end of that.
So I sit down with Kman to eat. Im eagerly awaiting South Park and tucking into my yummy meal, when I feel the squeezing again. I know I should stop eating. I know my body. I can feel where this is going. But the whole reason I made this meal is because its extremely healthy - packed with veggies and fresh chicken with a spicy sauce that adds to your absorption of said veggies. Not to mention how the spices clear the head and sinus. Im thinking I need this food, and plow through.
About halfway through I give it to Kman. He finishes it happily. Not wanting to miss South Park I go lay down for a bit.
It begins, my God it begins. Im in a vice alright, but now its got teeth on it. No wait! Shards of glass and razor blades. The squeezing is now accompanied by the shards ripping and tearing and slicing.....Then it shifts. It turns to the inside, so its like Ive got a washing machine inside me, spinning and whirling, with the blades of glass and razor blades on the outer edges just tearing me to shreds. I cant help but moan. I remember how the shower made it go away and wrap myself in a thick blanket - stumble back to the couch. I really want to watch South Park! My vision is blurring, pain is all I can feel, back to bed. Soon Im throwing up my carefully prepared dinner and that pisses me off. Im afraid to take anything because....
Ive been addicted to painkillers for a very long time. Paracetamol has the ability to melt the stomach lining, and used excessively, it can kill, and very painfully too. Codiene is lots of fun but does a similar thing. I also like asprin and ibuprofen, and advil was my poison of choice yesterday.
I think.....Even though I have never felt pain of this intensity before.....Its my ulcer.
They diagnosed it years ago during crazy time - they said it was a combination of my heavy use of painkillers plus my anxiety attacks. It used to bother me, and the pain was like this, but it was only in one, 50 cent shaped piece.
Never my entire back and front mid section. Never vomiting.
Im laying there gagging on saliva, shivering and feeling the pain coming in waves - Im thankful for that at least, I have suffered physical pain that doesnt follow those magical ebb and flow... rules. So at least ive got that. I try not to move unless I have to to relieve the pain.
Im thinking food poisoning, going through everything Ive eaten....Perhaps a really severe indigestion? It makes no sense, I was in pain before dinner and all Id eaten before that was cheese and bikkis. So I start thinking ....Miscarriage? Ectopic pregnancy? These things can kill you! My appendix, also makes me think. I had trouble with it years ago, yet they left it in. What if the bastard went septic? Then theres the ongoing infection in my big toe....And all my thoughts and diagnosis and ways of coping are washed away on another wave of razor bade peppered pain.....Fuck! Im gonna die!
Even at that point in pain, when I know a lot of people would be dialling an ambulance, I grit my teeth(which is a figure of speech - gritting teeth while in pain makes it worse and gives you a headache) and cling on. I KNOW pain. I know it likes to fool you. The body is a strange place indeed and I know theres every chance that Im going to come out of this fine, no matter how bad it feels now.
Up the hall, I hear darling Kman doing the hot water bottles for the ducks and the pidge, ready to bring them in. He puts a very distressed Binky to bed and feeds out the night time hay to the inside horses. What a guy.
I crawl forth and retrieve a bucket, gasp to mum whats going on so she can feed the horses in the morning.
As I go back to bed, I realize I havnt taken my red pill. Im too afraid to put anything in my volitile gut, so back to bed. I dont really expect to sleep yet it comes, broken and in patches. I dont notice Kman leave and barely notice mum checking on me in the morning.
I awake slowly. Carefully.
Im tired - exhausted actually. A little trembly. Ive got a migraine, throbbing softly over my left temple. But the pain in my stomach is....Gone.
It feels bruised in there. Tender. I know Ive got to eat so decide on some oats, they're easy to throw back up again, and a tea. Quickly take the red pill and the migraine subsides within half an hour.
So now, hours later, I still feel the same. Bruised within. Exhausted. Strangely cold. Yet I had a weird moment where I suddenly poured sweat down my sides even though I wasnt hot. That normally only happens when I have an infection of some kind.
Im probably not going to go to the doctor. Even sick I could make it down there and back with minimal fuss(that would really take it outta me though). Im due to see my new doc soon, to review the red pill, so I'll drop it in her lap.....So long as it doesnt get any worse.
But this was the first time EVER in over 7 years that, faced with my sickness, Kman got up, and filled my position without being asked. Whatta guy!
Yesterday I did well. I cant collect anymore wood because its been raining for so long that it really is a joke. Ive brought in wet wood before - you can arrange it around the fireplace and it will dry out in a few hours. But I was thinking how HEAVY it would be and decided against, we still have a few nights worth.
So I go out, and decide to bring the boys in, one by one. Take rugs off and brush then put rugs back on. Check feet, and in Spirits case, clean the sores on his face and cover him in anti itch cream. He's addicted to scratching and he can no longer reach his most loved places - tail and mane - as we have covered him in a massive thick rug. So he turns to the only unprotected part of his body - the face.
Anyways, its late by the time I feed, and getting dark already. I bring up hay, get the laundry ready for the birds later, and start a couple of things for dinner. Then relax with friends and a vodka. Normally now Id stay put through neighbors, but Im feeling restless and still havnt lit the fire, so head out and do that. Still restless, I start dinner, my fantastic chicken satay. As Im cooking I start to feel a strange sensation.
Its like Im in a vice - being squeezed slowly but surely through my mid section. Its only mildy unpleasant, so I press on. Im used to pain. As I cook it gets worse and I think it might be to do with my period which has come mysteriously early and heavier than Ive ever known. I wrap a jumper around my waist - I dont feel the cold much, but since I often suffer kidney chill Ive worked out its just my back that wants the warm.
I complete my mastery on the sauce and jump in the shower. Im feeling strangely cold which is weird - normally even in temperatures like this I dont have the shower too hot and still have the window open. Well, I blast the heat up as hot as I can stand and then pain fades. Just disappears. Well, I think, thats the end of that.
So I sit down with Kman to eat. Im eagerly awaiting South Park and tucking into my yummy meal, when I feel the squeezing again. I know I should stop eating. I know my body. I can feel where this is going. But the whole reason I made this meal is because its extremely healthy - packed with veggies and fresh chicken with a spicy sauce that adds to your absorption of said veggies. Not to mention how the spices clear the head and sinus. Im thinking I need this food, and plow through.
About halfway through I give it to Kman. He finishes it happily. Not wanting to miss South Park I go lay down for a bit.
It begins, my God it begins. Im in a vice alright, but now its got teeth on it. No wait! Shards of glass and razor blades. The squeezing is now accompanied by the shards ripping and tearing and slicing.....Then it shifts. It turns to the inside, so its like Ive got a washing machine inside me, spinning and whirling, with the blades of glass and razor blades on the outer edges just tearing me to shreds. I cant help but moan. I remember how the shower made it go away and wrap myself in a thick blanket - stumble back to the couch. I really want to watch South Park! My vision is blurring, pain is all I can feel, back to bed. Soon Im throwing up my carefully prepared dinner and that pisses me off. Im afraid to take anything because....
Ive been addicted to painkillers for a very long time. Paracetamol has the ability to melt the stomach lining, and used excessively, it can kill, and very painfully too. Codiene is lots of fun but does a similar thing. I also like asprin and ibuprofen, and advil was my poison of choice yesterday.
I think.....Even though I have never felt pain of this intensity before.....Its my ulcer.
They diagnosed it years ago during crazy time - they said it was a combination of my heavy use of painkillers plus my anxiety attacks. It used to bother me, and the pain was like this, but it was only in one, 50 cent shaped piece.
Never my entire back and front mid section. Never vomiting.
Im laying there gagging on saliva, shivering and feeling the pain coming in waves - Im thankful for that at least, I have suffered physical pain that doesnt follow those magical ebb and flow... rules. So at least ive got that. I try not to move unless I have to to relieve the pain.
Im thinking food poisoning, going through everything Ive eaten....Perhaps a really severe indigestion? It makes no sense, I was in pain before dinner and all Id eaten before that was cheese and bikkis. So I start thinking ....Miscarriage? Ectopic pregnancy? These things can kill you! My appendix, also makes me think. I had trouble with it years ago, yet they left it in. What if the bastard went septic? Then theres the ongoing infection in my big toe....And all my thoughts and diagnosis and ways of coping are washed away on another wave of razor bade peppered pain.....Fuck! Im gonna die!
Even at that point in pain, when I know a lot of people would be dialling an ambulance, I grit my teeth(which is a figure of speech - gritting teeth while in pain makes it worse and gives you a headache) and cling on. I KNOW pain. I know it likes to fool you. The body is a strange place indeed and I know theres every chance that Im going to come out of this fine, no matter how bad it feels now.
Up the hall, I hear darling Kman doing the hot water bottles for the ducks and the pidge, ready to bring them in. He puts a very distressed Binky to bed and feeds out the night time hay to the inside horses. What a guy.
I crawl forth and retrieve a bucket, gasp to mum whats going on so she can feed the horses in the morning.
As I go back to bed, I realize I havnt taken my red pill. Im too afraid to put anything in my volitile gut, so back to bed. I dont really expect to sleep yet it comes, broken and in patches. I dont notice Kman leave and barely notice mum checking on me in the morning.
I awake slowly. Carefully.
Im tired - exhausted actually. A little trembly. Ive got a migraine, throbbing softly over my left temple. But the pain in my stomach is....Gone.
It feels bruised in there. Tender. I know Ive got to eat so decide on some oats, they're easy to throw back up again, and a tea. Quickly take the red pill and the migraine subsides within half an hour.
So now, hours later, I still feel the same. Bruised within. Exhausted. Strangely cold. Yet I had a weird moment where I suddenly poured sweat down my sides even though I wasnt hot. That normally only happens when I have an infection of some kind.
Im probably not going to go to the doctor. Even sick I could make it down there and back with minimal fuss(that would really take it outta me though). Im due to see my new doc soon, to review the red pill, so I'll drop it in her lap.....So long as it doesnt get any worse.
But this was the first time EVER in over 7 years that, faced with my sickness, Kman got up, and filled my position without being asked. Whatta guy!
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Comment by Johnny Come Lately
Jack's Back
Comment by the world of gaye
batty
Family Madness
bright lights greedy city
REFLECTIONS
THE WINDMILLS OF MY MIND
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Great to meet you and I LOVE your posting pic! Thats cool!
Im almost back to normal now, and thanks! It did feel like a mysterious combination of ulcer and food poisoning.
Gaye,
Hey darlin, great to see you. Im severely allergic to food colourings - particularly the ones in girly drinks like cruisers. Such a shame cos I love the things but they almost kill me. Im seeing my wonder doc tomorrow so we'll see what she says...
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
Raven
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
Raven
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Tracy
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Can your stomach repair itself as long as you stay off the painkillers?
Sounds horrible.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I mysteriously recover as quickly as I mysteriously get sick. I think Ive got the flu. Fun.
Mrs M,
Yes, your stomach lining can repair, but it will always be weaker. Im very careful, I dont throw down handfuls like I used to, if Im in agony I'll just take one of something. As usual all the doctor said was "Youre not normal" Thanks!
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
That sounds a bit crap. Hope the flu sods off soon.
Did you watch Big Brother?
Trace
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Its only a mild flu, I can deal.
Yup, I watched it and Im INTRIGUED.....I want to see the pack pan out a bit before I talk about it here, and I think its very evil what they are doing....No rewards room, mini pool....YEAH! TORTURE THEM!
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Glad the pain has eased and you're getting better.
I didn't even know BB was going to be on last night and decided just to flick...hmm, what an annoying bunch of characters they are, but Kyle is the worst. He looked nervous, stilted as though he had the proverbial poker up his arse. I felt some glee after seeing how cruel he was to people on Idol. I really don't like him...and I think he will get worse once he settles in. At least Gretel was intelligent and witty..he's just an inane fool.
But I'm intrigued....and will be watching tonight...
I vowed they wouldn't get me...but I can kid myself it's all human research...
Ah well,
Byee
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Theres a lot of pack movement - they are having trouble picking alphas.
I actually love Kyle - hes the good guy and its Jackie O that doesnt care. He had a hard life and when they do their charity bit he always goes the extra mile which I admire. So many people get to where he is and dont give a damn but he's helped so many people. Its just a pity he's made his money being a bastard and now he's got to stick to the role. His nervousness was PALPABLE wasnt it? He was so jealous that Jackie was coping - until he started working the audience!
Even if they did all seem bored!