Life Ramble
July 5th 2008 11:26
*yawn*
I havnt updated my life in awhile. The primary reason is Ive been too busy living it. The other reason is Ive wanted to serve up some real quality stuff for my readers. But you know, I dont think anyone really wants it. Its amazing how the tumbleweeds begin to blow by as soon as I get metaphysical, how quiet it gets in here when I review a classic. What, you didnt know I was educated or something? Hey, come on, not all white trash jigged every class ok?
Also my paranoia has reached unbelievable levels, and then coiled itself down like the great serpent to have itself a slumber. He'll awaken again, the rage and fear and idiotic paranoia, but at present time while lulled by his snores, I can believe maybe one of us latched the gate the wrong way, maybe the clothes Im missing just blew off the line. Maybe the person who Im paranoid about has forgotten my face. Maybe.
But that said, Ive gotten harsh on myself for disclosing personal information. I think that comes from my job too - Im pissing off a lot of people, so its even more imperative I dont identify myself to someone who wants to shoot me just because they decided they didnt want to pay back the bank and I found them. Not that anyone has expressed such a desire, I come across as the angel and the bank itself the evil devil ("Really, Im just trying to sort this out - Im trying to give you a chance to do something before that horrid bank goes legal") but still....It quite literally pays to be careful.
At present Im so tired Im wondering why I do my fucking job at all. The ivory tower of prosperity looks like its glittering with hard eyes now, and all the sacrifices I was willing to make seem hardly worth it. Id go back to houso status just to remember what a solid 8 hours sleep feels like. As if our hours arent already long enough - what sort of sick bastard would force us to work saturdays too? And the thing the THING with it is - I reakon I could take it if there was more oxygen on our floor. Dead set. As soon as I start walking up the stairs I can feel that its harder to draw all the oxygen I need in one breath, and once locked in our sealed office with its already malfulctioning air conditioning, I cant stop yawning, I cant focus, my motivation disappears. I see everyone around me yawning and rubbing their eyes. So you run down stairs, thinking "Christ, I didnt realize I was so tired" Only to be instantly revived. "Hey," you think "Im not tired, I feel great!" And run back upstairs to start the yawning and the muddling again.
*yawn*
Little oversights like this constantly amaze me about employers. Ive seen it everywhere I go and the reason I see it is because I know how to manage animals. I know how to observe their problems and sort them so that your entire farm runs at its greatest efficiency. Its one of my better gifts. Yet people dont like to listen to me. Pity they dont realize, it just makes me talk louder. If you dont listen, Im happy talking to myself. Been doing it for longer than you can imagine.
But its winter.....And my favourite season has turned on me. The beta blockers I take that have killed the migranes have made me ultra sensitive to the cold. All my knuckle joints are swollen and red and the tiniest knock opens them up to bleed and weep. Luckily, Im not on my feet all day, so the toe pain is manageable, for now. But its such a shock to not be able to walk outside in nothing but a singlet, like usual. Oh, Ive tried, believe me, but I turned blue. Wasnt expecting that.
Im into the swing of things but it pains me so when I just cant make enough time for everything. I need sleep - so much sleep, and there are things that need doing every day that have to fit around the sleep and I dont blame the day for being short I blame stupid goddamn fucking humans for cramming so much into it and then looking at those that dont try to do it with loathing and contempt.
Despite it all, I backed Zafe for the second time today. The first time was about 3 weeks ago, last weekend he got a workout but no backing, today I backed him again. He's only two and a half, and as a general rule, I dont like backing them until theyre at least 3, no riding properly until 4, when they are true adults. But I just so want to get started with him - so smart, so wise, so competant, like 2 going on 20. Not to mention STRONG and it pays to get in early with stallions. Set the ground rules early when theres less argument.
Its funny, I always read about backing a young horse for the first time - and things to do when they refuse to move. I always thought that was garbage - a young fiery horse that wont move the first time a human gets on its back? But Shakir did it, and so did Magnus. Shakir did it in the "Oh my fucking God what do I do now?" reaction, Magnus is too much like his father. He planted his feet and just said, "You're too heavy. I cant move" and expected me to believe that crap.
With Zayf, he had the bridle on for the first time - usually, a 'first' anything is enough for one session in my book - but he just said, "alright! something to chew on!" So I said, ok, lets do some work with it too! Let me know if you're not comfortable son. And off we went. After a little lunge I thought gee, he's really soft today. Wonder if I could.....And slipped myself over his back before I talk my way out of it. He just stood there. You gotta understand, I dont have a nice safe arena full of forgiving sand or nice thick grass, high walls to keep in a silly young horse. Im out in an open paddock fraught with danger for him and me, more bare rocks and hard surface than soft anything. I have chosen not to persue breaking my other horse Shakir and mums nutbag Spirit because they cant be trusted.
So he just stood there. So I slipped my leg over to sit astride - just for the thrill of it, a dangerous risk to take. The pressure of a leg either side is enough to wig out a young horse, not to mention the rider suddenly sitting up right behind their ears. I think I backed Magnus about 6 times, sticking to his neck like a leech before I actually sat up like a rider should.
But he just stood, mouthing the bit like it was all old school. I sat up - just a little. I could hear the wheels ticking over - "Bridle? Check. Bit? Check. Saddle? Check. Mums up top? Leg either side of me? Thats a big check. Off we go mum!" and begun to casually saunter off. I pulled on the reins - "whoa boy, whoa" To which he raised his head, skewed his head to the side - exactly like his mother and each of his brothers has done to me - avoided the bit completely and continued walking. Thats get off time.
Today, he was in a particularly bad mood. I had a trip earlier in the week and have been having a back spasam over it, not to mention falling asleep at my desk all day. I got on, I backed him, but I didnt push the issue. Dont ever start a battle you cant win, especially with a stallion. I think his mother is coming in season again, which always makes him a bit edgy. Dont blame him. Gawd, he needs a girlfriend and I know it. We have to move, but Im not jumping on that goddamn carousel right now. I know we have to move. But we'd rather buy than rent again. To do that we need to stay here to save money. But we have to move....
I need some time in front of the tv.
*yawn*
I havnt updated my life in awhile. The primary reason is Ive been too busy living it. The other reason is Ive wanted to serve up some real quality stuff for my readers. But you know, I dont think anyone really wants it. Its amazing how the tumbleweeds begin to blow by as soon as I get metaphysical, how quiet it gets in here when I review a classic. What, you didnt know I was educated or something? Hey, come on, not all white trash jigged every class ok?
Also my paranoia has reached unbelievable levels, and then coiled itself down like the great serpent to have itself a slumber. He'll awaken again, the rage and fear and idiotic paranoia, but at present time while lulled by his snores, I can believe maybe one of us latched the gate the wrong way, maybe the clothes Im missing just blew off the line. Maybe the person who Im paranoid about has forgotten my face. Maybe.
But that said, Ive gotten harsh on myself for disclosing personal information. I think that comes from my job too - Im pissing off a lot of people, so its even more imperative I dont identify myself to someone who wants to shoot me just because they decided they didnt want to pay back the bank and I found them. Not that anyone has expressed such a desire, I come across as the angel and the bank itself the evil devil ("Really, Im just trying to sort this out - Im trying to give you a chance to do something before that horrid bank goes legal") but still....It quite literally pays to be careful.
At present Im so tired Im wondering why I do my fucking job at all. The ivory tower of prosperity looks like its glittering with hard eyes now, and all the sacrifices I was willing to make seem hardly worth it. Id go back to houso status just to remember what a solid 8 hours sleep feels like. As if our hours arent already long enough - what sort of sick bastard would force us to work saturdays too? And the thing the THING with it is - I reakon I could take it if there was more oxygen on our floor. Dead set. As soon as I start walking up the stairs I can feel that its harder to draw all the oxygen I need in one breath, and once locked in our sealed office with its already malfulctioning air conditioning, I cant stop yawning, I cant focus, my motivation disappears. I see everyone around me yawning and rubbing their eyes. So you run down stairs, thinking "Christ, I didnt realize I was so tired" Only to be instantly revived. "Hey," you think "Im not tired, I feel great!" And run back upstairs to start the yawning and the muddling again.
*yawn*
Little oversights like this constantly amaze me about employers. Ive seen it everywhere I go and the reason I see it is because I know how to manage animals. I know how to observe their problems and sort them so that your entire farm runs at its greatest efficiency. Its one of my better gifts. Yet people dont like to listen to me. Pity they dont realize, it just makes me talk louder. If you dont listen, Im happy talking to myself. Been doing it for longer than you can imagine.
But its winter.....And my favourite season has turned on me. The beta blockers I take that have killed the migranes have made me ultra sensitive to the cold. All my knuckle joints are swollen and red and the tiniest knock opens them up to bleed and weep. Luckily, Im not on my feet all day, so the toe pain is manageable, for now. But its such a shock to not be able to walk outside in nothing but a singlet, like usual. Oh, Ive tried, believe me, but I turned blue. Wasnt expecting that.
Im into the swing of things but it pains me so when I just cant make enough time for everything. I need sleep - so much sleep, and there are things that need doing every day that have to fit around the sleep and I dont blame the day for being short I blame stupid goddamn fucking humans for cramming so much into it and then looking at those that dont try to do it with loathing and contempt.
Despite it all, I backed Zafe for the second time today. The first time was about 3 weeks ago, last weekend he got a workout but no backing, today I backed him again. He's only two and a half, and as a general rule, I dont like backing them until theyre at least 3, no riding properly until 4, when they are true adults. But I just so want to get started with him - so smart, so wise, so competant, like 2 going on 20. Not to mention STRONG and it pays to get in early with stallions. Set the ground rules early when theres less argument.
Its funny, I always read about backing a young horse for the first time - and things to do when they refuse to move. I always thought that was garbage - a young fiery horse that wont move the first time a human gets on its back? But Shakir did it, and so did Magnus. Shakir did it in the "Oh my fucking God what do I do now?" reaction, Magnus is too much like his father. He planted his feet and just said, "You're too heavy. I cant move" and expected me to believe that crap.
With Zayf, he had the bridle on for the first time - usually, a 'first' anything is enough for one session in my book - but he just said, "alright! something to chew on!" So I said, ok, lets do some work with it too! Let me know if you're not comfortable son. And off we went. After a little lunge I thought gee, he's really soft today. Wonder if I could.....And slipped myself over his back before I talk my way out of it. He just stood there. You gotta understand, I dont have a nice safe arena full of forgiving sand or nice thick grass, high walls to keep in a silly young horse. Im out in an open paddock fraught with danger for him and me, more bare rocks and hard surface than soft anything. I have chosen not to persue breaking my other horse Shakir and mums nutbag Spirit because they cant be trusted.
So he just stood there. So I slipped my leg over to sit astride - just for the thrill of it, a dangerous risk to take. The pressure of a leg either side is enough to wig out a young horse, not to mention the rider suddenly sitting up right behind their ears. I think I backed Magnus about 6 times, sticking to his neck like a leech before I actually sat up like a rider should.
But he just stood, mouthing the bit like it was all old school. I sat up - just a little. I could hear the wheels ticking over - "Bridle? Check. Bit? Check. Saddle? Check. Mums up top? Leg either side of me? Thats a big check. Off we go mum!" and begun to casually saunter off. I pulled on the reins - "whoa boy, whoa" To which he raised his head, skewed his head to the side - exactly like his mother and each of his brothers has done to me - avoided the bit completely and continued walking. Thats get off time.
Today, he was in a particularly bad mood. I had a trip earlier in the week and have been having a back spasam over it, not to mention falling asleep at my desk all day. I got on, I backed him, but I didnt push the issue. Dont ever start a battle you cant win, especially with a stallion. I think his mother is coming in season again, which always makes him a bit edgy. Dont blame him. Gawd, he needs a girlfriend and I know it. We have to move, but Im not jumping on that goddamn carousel right now. I know we have to move. But we'd rather buy than rent again. To do that we need to stay here to save money. But we have to move....
I need some time in front of the tv.
*yawn*
| 64 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
Health Focus
Poetry Lighthouse
MS Paint Art
As for the greedy at the top ones, SCUM, but I digress, hope you feel better now and that sleep comes on.
'Tis a weird world in which we live. Did you ever have that thyroid tested, (while not on the tablets), it could have caused the headaches and the singlets, and now those tablets might be pulling it down too low, of course, Medicos rely on the blood test, not always a good way to go. Not that I'm giving medical advice, though.
Just have a think about it.
Comment by Anonymous
Dear Blood on the hands debt collector,
You think you are clever tricking poor people into losing what they have....
cashing in on people who cant pay their mortgage or afford fuel ..
no wonder your man and your mother got the shits paying to feed all "your babies"..when you are in done of your health crises or are they just"doldrums"
...oh it's my thyroid oh its my head..
funny how all that shit disappears when u r cruelly in charge of destroying other people's lives
(OH I AM GOING TO EARN MORE THAN MY MOTHER AND KMAN)
Go reap the bad Karma...go girl..
cant wait to read the blog when the repo man gets YOU..
but then u wouldn't write about that..self centred bitch..
Just keep doodling dark things darling...that's where you will end up........
Alone in the dark....
All the best & worst that you deserve...
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
Dear anonymous cowardly deadbeat,
You think you are clever tricking poor people into losing what they have....
When you buy things on contract, you don’t own it until it is fully paid for, to keep it after defaulting on your obligation is a form of theft. Failing to make payments is a choice, a considered and deliberate choice. When you enter into a contract hoping to be able to afford the payment and can't, that isn't the merchants fault, it's yours.
cashing in on people who cant pay their mortgage or afford fuel ..
Circumstances change, if you can’t afford to live on the income you earn, make changes or find another source of income. When you choose not to make payments without notifying the lender, it’s your decision and you know full well that attempts to make collection on the debt will be forth coming, don't blame others for your choices.
Contrary to what most folks believe, when you notify the lender that you're going into a period of financial difficulty and won't be able to make full payments, tell them what you can pay, when and for how long this will continue. They can and will work with you.
no wonder your man and your mother got the shits paying to feed all “your babies”..when you are in done of your health crises or are they just”doldrums”
...oh it’s my thyroid oh its my head..
Sadly, this speaks volumes about the poisonous nature of your core being.
• funny how all that shit disappears when u r cruelly in charge of destroying other people’s lives
• (OH I AM GOING TO EARN MORE THAN MY MOTHER AND KMAN)
• Go reap the bad Karma...go girl..
• cant wait to read the blog when the repo man gets YOU..
• but then u wouldn’t write about that..self centred bitch..
• Just keep doodling dark things darling...that’s where you will end up........
• Alone in the dark....
• All the best & worst that you deserve...
You appear to have a distorted sense of entitlement and reality must be a cruel realm for you. The words you empowered above will come back to haunt you.
Sorry for butting in and speaking for you Kleo, but these cowardly anonymous posts irritate me.
Raven
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Lovely to see you visit my page again. Your Magnus is exceedingly well and enjoying his break from showing. Work, unfortunately, is a nessecity, but hopefully not one forever. Yes, we want to buy, but it may not happen as soon as Id like.
I never got my thyroid checked as you recommended, but I do have a new doc that as you can see, has found me a nice drug that gets rid of the crippling headaches.
Lovely to see you dear.
Anon,
I would like to say do me the honour or the decency of knowing who you are....
But its quite obvious you dont have either of those things.
Identify yourself. Coward. You obviously know me. Allow me to know you.
I know Im clever finding people and making sure they give back things they dont own. Do you realize when people dont pay back a debt, and the bank has to declare several million dollars of bad debt in a year, that figure pushes up the interest rate that hurts us all?
If those people managed their finances and served up the cash in the first place, I wouldnt be after them.
Actually, they never really did. It was me who got angry with myself for hurting them.
Thats not 'funny' as you say.....Thats cause and effect. Last time I checked, nature was kill or be killed.
Goddamn fucking right I am. At least you got that right.
cant wait to read the blog when the repo man gets YOU..
Oh, I am, and let me just clear something up for you - Ive never had a loan, never had a credit card, and never been in debt. Ever. And surely youve noticed, I do blog about the very worst of things.
Aaah.....Music to my ears. Finally, someone who's realized the truth!
Oh, I plan to. Yes, that is where I will end up. With you. I cant wait.
That is the human condition. I have realized it, most have not. Scared are you?
Why thankyou, and same to you.
Now. Listen well. I dont need your name to take your soul in my claws. But due to the evidence you've left me here, Im almost certain I know who you are. Its funny, I havnt mentioned Im a debt collecter here, but I have on someone elses post, and who was there at that time? Who knows me so well, from the beginning?
Dont think that masquerading as anonymous will save you from me. I investigate for a living, darling.
Next time, just say what you have to say under your actual name. Your clumsy attempt to hide your identity belittles us both.
Raven,
My dear sweet darling, of course I do not mind! You have answered so well and saved me from having to bring up the technical points. Everything you have listed is so perfectly true.
I did also mention in the post that I work more on a resolution than anything. I dont ask for money they dont have, I listen to their ridiculous deadbeat stories and put them on the cheapest arrangement I can harangue out of my manager. For chrissakes, Im white trash! I know Im not getting money out of third generation unemployed!
Its if they LIE to me......Oh, then its on my friend.
And cowardly anons do worse than irritate me Raven. I always identify myself before I let fly. Honestly, how do they live with themselves?
Im sure I know who it is anyway....An orbler famous for multiple personalities and senseless attacks. Im telling you, person has got to be at the hieght of boredom to invent friend/foe games like this.
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
Raven
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
This 24/7 world we live in isn't really working out is it?
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Yeah, if it was just me, Id shut up, but it doesnt seem to be working for anybody does it? We need to slow down...