Listening to The Voices
April 16th 2008 02:09
Im reading an old article on the brain from 95. Theres this bit where they talk about how skitzophrenics, and those who hallucinate, are often missing parts of their brain. The docs are talking about how wonderful it is to have a physical reason for this sort of illness.
So what the fuck was wrong with my MRI then? I sometimes wonder if my body throws up some kind of protective sheild, which means they cant get inside with their instruments, and thus, get pictures of only what they want to see. Its not such a strange idea - Ive done it to standard cameras and completely blocked my image and so has a friend of mine.
But years ago when I was being driven mad by the voices, and with no spiritual entities to help me sort screwball from psychic, a mate asked me if I listen. If I obey. I told her I had to listen carefully, and obey some of them, hence, I have to listen to it all and try and sort through it. Hence the crazy.She just said "well, you reap what you sow then"
As the years draw on Im better at listening. A great example of how helpful and how prescise they can be is a few months ago I was looking for a certain shop in the city. I had maps and directions but the city streets dont always follow the maps. I was coming up to a massive cross street, I had a general idea which way to go, but choosing the wrong street could take me way off track. I started pondering in my mind when I heard - "Go over the cross street, head straight then take the first right. Its the street you want."
They even told me which street it was, they were that accurate. Lately Ive been losing one of my various pencils or erasers, and when I throw the question up I get "stand up and you will find it" "Back to the computer to find your cigarettes" "last nights bag for your purse"
Its a damn shame that Ive had to listen so carefully now, as the good guys resort to the tricks of the nasty ones to direct me. When much, much younger Id listen to the nasty ones - sometimes because I couldnt tell the difference, other times because I was bored and didnt care and other times......I just wanted to do something bad. They'd direct me to a place where I was usually stranded, friendless, and at the mercy of someone I didnt want to see. They seemed to enjoy the icky energy of me caught in a jam. Now both sides know I will still listen to them both, for all those reasons, but I listen less and less, and if I listen, I usually dont do.
But yesterday was an awesome example of their powers of persuasion. Since last week Ive been thinking I should go to this centre - close to home and lots of jobs. Then I get the tip off that theres hiring going on. I so wanted to do nothing yesterday, but I felt the clock tickin...Soon I'll be out of cash. They cajoled and encouraged and before you knew it I was out the door. They reassured - "everyone will be fine when you get home" "you have everything you need" "it wont really start to rain until you're on the train"
Given that, you can imagine what I get when they dont want me to go out!
But they even directed me to where I had to be - some people might think they were all wrong, getting me there 2 minutes too late to see someone I needed to see, but I think its worked out perfectly. This way I get to finish my holiday.
In that article Im reading, the interviewer gets one of the skitzophrenics to write down what the voices say. His were things like "this guys a jerk" "get out now". Man! What run of the mill voices! Id be bored if mine started that crap. In front of psychs I get "dont write things down - what are you doing! He's only going to use it against you. Slit his throat. Slit your own. Come on, something. We're bored"
But lets not ever forget the voices are responsable for this.....
They say...." Start with a coffin....Start with hands.....Start with mountains......Start with the moon....Start with fangs.....Start with blood....."
We usually argue as they continue - "Put a sword here......a dragon here......a flower here....over here use a quote....." And I argue, saying no, I want one of these here, one of those there.....
Meet The Smoking Dragon! He's going to be showing up here and there as the Good Time Icon. Last time I checked it wasnt illegal for a dragon to smoke anything, and on the planet he comes from, dragons are the only creatures civilized enough to mould glass. Humans are still scratching around in the dirt Im afraid. But he's gonna be around partyin and smokin, always smokin. Oh, Yeah, he's got a name, but no one can ever remember it, so we just say, "hey! The Smoking Dragon!....Dude!"
Heres the crowning achievement so far. In this one I have used some of my favourite quotes AND I have included a bibliography. If you like, try and guess which text the quotes are from - Ive made it too easy! This is also a GREAT idea for a visual verbal assignment, I wish I had thought of this theme while at school!
And welcome, to the page, colour. I have a feelin this is goin to be messy, fun, and tear worthy as for the first time I reach for the coloured pencils......
So what the fuck was wrong with my MRI then? I sometimes wonder if my body throws up some kind of protective sheild, which means they cant get inside with their instruments, and thus, get pictures of only what they want to see. Its not such a strange idea - Ive done it to standard cameras and completely blocked my image and so has a friend of mine.
But years ago when I was being driven mad by the voices, and with no spiritual entities to help me sort screwball from psychic, a mate asked me if I listen. If I obey. I told her I had to listen carefully, and obey some of them, hence, I have to listen to it all and try and sort through it. Hence the crazy.She just said "well, you reap what you sow then"
As the years draw on Im better at listening. A great example of how helpful and how prescise they can be is a few months ago I was looking for a certain shop in the city. I had maps and directions but the city streets dont always follow the maps. I was coming up to a massive cross street, I had a general idea which way to go, but choosing the wrong street could take me way off track. I started pondering in my mind when I heard - "Go over the cross street, head straight then take the first right. Its the street you want."
They even told me which street it was, they were that accurate. Lately Ive been losing one of my various pencils or erasers, and when I throw the question up I get "stand up and you will find it" "Back to the computer to find your cigarettes" "last nights bag for your purse"
Its a damn shame that Ive had to listen so carefully now, as the good guys resort to the tricks of the nasty ones to direct me. When much, much younger Id listen to the nasty ones - sometimes because I couldnt tell the difference, other times because I was bored and didnt care and other times......I just wanted to do something bad. They'd direct me to a place where I was usually stranded, friendless, and at the mercy of someone I didnt want to see. They seemed to enjoy the icky energy of me caught in a jam. Now both sides know I will still listen to them both, for all those reasons, but I listen less and less, and if I listen, I usually dont do.
But yesterday was an awesome example of their powers of persuasion. Since last week Ive been thinking I should go to this centre - close to home and lots of jobs. Then I get the tip off that theres hiring going on. I so wanted to do nothing yesterday, but I felt the clock tickin...Soon I'll be out of cash. They cajoled and encouraged and before you knew it I was out the door. They reassured - "everyone will be fine when you get home" "you have everything you need" "it wont really start to rain until you're on the train"
Given that, you can imagine what I get when they dont want me to go out!
But they even directed me to where I had to be - some people might think they were all wrong, getting me there 2 minutes too late to see someone I needed to see, but I think its worked out perfectly. This way I get to finish my holiday.
In that article Im reading, the interviewer gets one of the skitzophrenics to write down what the voices say. His were things like "this guys a jerk" "get out now". Man! What run of the mill voices! Id be bored if mine started that crap. In front of psychs I get "dont write things down - what are you doing! He's only going to use it against you. Slit his throat. Slit your own. Come on, something. We're bored"
But lets not ever forget the voices are responsable for this.....
They say...." Start with a coffin....Start with hands.....Start with mountains......Start with the moon....Start with fangs.....Start with blood....."
We usually argue as they continue - "Put a sword here......a dragon here......a flower here....over here use a quote....." And I argue, saying no, I want one of these here, one of those there.....
Meet The Smoking Dragon! He's going to be showing up here and there as the Good Time Icon. Last time I checked it wasnt illegal for a dragon to smoke anything, and on the planet he comes from, dragons are the only creatures civilized enough to mould glass. Humans are still scratching around in the dirt Im afraid. But he's gonna be around partyin and smokin, always smokin. Oh, Yeah, he's got a name, but no one can ever remember it, so we just say, "hey! The Smoking Dragon!....Dude!"
Heres the crowning achievement so far. In this one I have used some of my favourite quotes AND I have included a bibliography. If you like, try and guess which text the quotes are from - Ive made it too easy! This is also a GREAT idea for a visual verbal assignment, I wish I had thought of this theme while at school!
And welcome, to the page, colour. I have a feelin this is goin to be messy, fun, and tear worthy as for the first time I reach for the coloured pencils......
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