Little Things.....
October 11th 2007 20:17
Hello dear ones.
Its kinda nice to be back in anonimity. No one reading me. I feel free to write complete shit. Oh, except you, my most faithful one piont anonymous voter - Hi! *waves*
The land might be a scamola....But even if it is, the most we would have to pay for a 100 acre block is $135,000 and thats still decent. Im going to check it out some more and see. Not even sure what questions I want to ask.....
Im so tired. And you know, its Friday. I should be excited. But tomorrow is a fencing day.....I must get a fence up between Zayfir and that Whore next door, so he can be freed onto the bulk of the property. My poor little man. Hes coped well with his confinement.
The vet still has not told us what we owe him - Since we found out about the over charges we refused to go out there. We told him to tell us the amount and we'll post it to him. 3 phone calls now and he hasnt told us the amount. I'll spend the money on the fence and make him wait at this point I really dont care.
Yesterday I wrote a list of my symptoms. That was a scary thing. Some I havnt seen for years. Hand shakes. Insomnia and nighmares. Claws running up my spine and under my arms. The constant headache. The voices.....Have disappeared from my ears, where they whisper, and reappeared in my brain. Every time I open my mouth I have to beware what comes out of it. Every damn letter. Because it could be THEM and not me!
Most disturbing is images.....They play beneath my eyelids like a never ending slide show. In 2003 they were just death, blood and bone. They frightened me and made me hurt myself, wish to be dead.
But we are on a new level now guys....Now I truly have become a monster. The images have upgraded....And they make me feel good.....
They arouse and excite, implore and entice. When I see a good looking victim my fingers twitch.....And the chitter chatter starts. Oh, Imagine taking it out on this innocent young thing....The screams and the struggles, the pain and the terror
And Im grinning like a maniac, giving in to hysterical laughter while I try desperately not to get up from my seat. If other people think Im weird for the laughter, they should be damn fucking glad I dont get out of that seat.
The illness has progressed.....It seems so easy to target others now, when years ago that was unthinkable.
If I dont get some relief soon, I dont know whats going to happen. But of course I cant do that. Not in my current position.
Needless to say, I dont think Im going to pass my psych test.
Its kinda nice to be back in anonimity. No one reading me. I feel free to write complete shit. Oh, except you, my most faithful one piont anonymous voter - Hi! *waves*
The land might be a scamola....But even if it is, the most we would have to pay for a 100 acre block is $135,000 and thats still decent. Im going to check it out some more and see. Not even sure what questions I want to ask.....
Im so tired. And you know, its Friday. I should be excited. But tomorrow is a fencing day.....I must get a fence up between Zayfir and that Whore next door, so he can be freed onto the bulk of the property. My poor little man. Hes coped well with his confinement.
The vet still has not told us what we owe him - Since we found out about the over charges we refused to go out there. We told him to tell us the amount and we'll post it to him. 3 phone calls now and he hasnt told us the amount. I'll spend the money on the fence and make him wait at this point I really dont care.
Yesterday I wrote a list of my symptoms. That was a scary thing. Some I havnt seen for years. Hand shakes. Insomnia and nighmares. Claws running up my spine and under my arms. The constant headache. The voices.....Have disappeared from my ears, where they whisper, and reappeared in my brain. Every time I open my mouth I have to beware what comes out of it. Every damn letter. Because it could be THEM and not me!
Most disturbing is images.....They play beneath my eyelids like a never ending slide show. In 2003 they were just death, blood and bone. They frightened me and made me hurt myself, wish to be dead.
But we are on a new level now guys....Now I truly have become a monster. The images have upgraded....And they make me feel good.....
They arouse and excite, implore and entice. When I see a good looking victim my fingers twitch.....And the chitter chatter starts. Oh, Imagine taking it out on this innocent young thing....The screams and the struggles, the pain and the terror
And Im grinning like a maniac, giving in to hysterical laughter while I try desperately not to get up from my seat. If other people think Im weird for the laughter, they should be damn fucking glad I dont get out of that seat.
The illness has progressed.....It seems so easy to target others now, when years ago that was unthinkable.
If I dont get some relief soon, I dont know whats going to happen. But of course I cant do that. Not in my current position.
Needless to say, I dont think Im going to pass my psych test.
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Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
What's going on? What's happened?
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
My psychosis is getting out of control, thats all. Its always there, but Im denied the one thing that enables me to control it(and thats a long story) and the pressure and tiredness just keep amping up, so its harder and harder to keep it within.....
On Fri night the girls at The Rocks took me out and we all talked, turns out they are all wolves and they GET IT, theyve been telling me all the tricks and tips.
Thanks so much for taking the time to be here and listen to my ranting dear Mrs M....I was going to post up some updates but Kman just got up and is screaming that he wants the computer....I'll have to get back to you later!
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
wow I cannot even imagine how you feel at the moment. I hope something happens soon to get you back on track.
It`s good that you went out on Fri night and found some like minded people. It helps to be understood. It seems that things, in that respect at least, are picking up?
Ash
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Yeah...And no....And I dont know! I love those girls, but Im not with them now, Im at the Mounties which is different.....Its a confusing ol time for me....