Magic, Mayhem, Fear, Disaster and Distraction.....
April 1st 2008 03:18
Winter's Come.
The day is so cold, even with the sun, that it could be mid June. What will June feel like? I bet it will have ice dripping from its every moment.
I half heartedly applied for two jobs yesterday, but now Ive got my phone off. Im just not ready. I know, thats not a great move - but Im a screw up, what can I say? Im sure that 'The Time Of The Month' is contributing, and despite the pain, its nice to be able to curl up in the house and not stress about it being a 'sick' day or whatever. Since the pain continues to get worse each month and brings with it a host of other symptoms a girl my age just shouldnt have, Im going to a new doctor on Friday. It'll be a bit of a hike to get out there, but it should be worth it. I only hope it doesnt end up meaning I have to traipse around the country to different 'specialists'.
Also contributing to my lack of enthuisaim would be that my bills are paid up for at least another 2 weeks and I still have play money in my hand. Add to that that my last job still owes me a few weeks pay (that should come, god willing, this week) and thats enough to make you pull the covers over your head.
When I was 14, I wrote in the front page of my diary, "There is often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire" Its a quote but I cant remember where I got it from. But it was to be applied to a certain He Wolf I was chasing.....Who ended up chasing me. Under the force of a bachelor pack this Alpha She Wolf became a deer, swift and graceful but.....Helpless against a bachelor wolf pack. The deer lost. She was savaged.
The deer ran again. She bolted so far and in so much panic she ended up over the sea. And there, she realized she was still a wolf and always had been but she was now far from her pack. It took time, as she had run herself straight into hell, but she clawed her way out and staggered home where she found her pack in pieces. With all her Alpha power she drew them together and led them once more. Fiercely she defended the new life and finally, with the aid of her mate, a fine and strong He Wolf full of honour, she led them far away from the hunting grounds of those wolves that had hurt her. Far, Far away, so she need never happen across their paths.
But recently I roamed there again. I could smell them - I knew they scented me too. But we did not cross paths, and I hurried home again, under the care of my He Wolf.
But I was niggled. Ive always played dangerously and only a few days later I went back. Alone. I was more daring this time - I prowled in full view all over their hunting grounds and left the scent of my ruff's fur all over their trees. Left the scratch marks of my powerful claws at their watering hole and lingered for an answer.
Nothing. If they were laying in wait, they waited too long. Im still a busy wolf you know.
The amount of times Ive tried to bury this is quite simply, no longer funny. The more dirt I pile on it still it rises like a possesed zombie to come slouching after me again.
I think Ive figured it out. But that really is far more terrifying than anything Ive thought before. It solves everything, answers everything, makes sense of the senselessness.
No wonder I dont want to think about it.
The day is so cold, even with the sun, that it could be mid June. What will June feel like? I bet it will have ice dripping from its every moment.
I half heartedly applied for two jobs yesterday, but now Ive got my phone off. Im just not ready. I know, thats not a great move - but Im a screw up, what can I say? Im sure that 'The Time Of The Month' is contributing, and despite the pain, its nice to be able to curl up in the house and not stress about it being a 'sick' day or whatever. Since the pain continues to get worse each month and brings with it a host of other symptoms a girl my age just shouldnt have, Im going to a new doctor on Friday. It'll be a bit of a hike to get out there, but it should be worth it. I only hope it doesnt end up meaning I have to traipse around the country to different 'specialists'.
Also contributing to my lack of enthuisaim would be that my bills are paid up for at least another 2 weeks and I still have play money in my hand. Add to that that my last job still owes me a few weeks pay (that should come, god willing, this week) and thats enough to make you pull the covers over your head.
When I was 14, I wrote in the front page of my diary, "There is often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire" Its a quote but I cant remember where I got it from. But it was to be applied to a certain He Wolf I was chasing.....Who ended up chasing me. Under the force of a bachelor pack this Alpha She Wolf became a deer, swift and graceful but.....Helpless against a bachelor wolf pack. The deer lost. She was savaged.
The deer ran again. She bolted so far and in so much panic she ended up over the sea. And there, she realized she was still a wolf and always had been but she was now far from her pack. It took time, as she had run herself straight into hell, but she clawed her way out and staggered home where she found her pack in pieces. With all her Alpha power she drew them together and led them once more. Fiercely she defended the new life and finally, with the aid of her mate, a fine and strong He Wolf full of honour, she led them far away from the hunting grounds of those wolves that had hurt her. Far, Far away, so she need never happen across their paths.
But recently I roamed there again. I could smell them - I knew they scented me too. But we did not cross paths, and I hurried home again, under the care of my He Wolf.
But I was niggled. Ive always played dangerously and only a few days later I went back. Alone. I was more daring this time - I prowled in full view all over their hunting grounds and left the scent of my ruff's fur all over their trees. Left the scratch marks of my powerful claws at their watering hole and lingered for an answer.
Nothing. If they were laying in wait, they waited too long. Im still a busy wolf you know.
The amount of times Ive tried to bury this is quite simply, no longer funny. The more dirt I pile on it still it rises like a possesed zombie to come slouching after me again.
I think Ive figured it out. But that really is far more terrifying than anything Ive thought before. It solves everything, answers everything, makes sense of the senselessness.
No wonder I dont want to think about it.
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Comment by tlcorbin
Raven
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Freedoms a prison all its own Raven....Sometimes I think I just enjoy the feel of cold steel....
Comment by tlcorbin
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I think for me, in charge is a changing state....I went through the blog today and the way my emotions change on EVERY topic is boggling...Even to me!