Mixed up gender roles = Gender Wars
May 11th 2008 04:08
Thanks Kman, for todays inspiration. I didnt want it to come to this.
Im a male trapped in a - very hot - female body. My first attraction sexually was for women, and Ive always been the tomboy. Id rather be drinking beers kickin it with the boys than doing my hair or painting my nails with the bitching females. All my very best female friends are tough and hardened and capable of male jobs. I think I only have one true girly girl friend, and its Kmans sister.
Kman, like all men, is damn near retarded when it comes to household jobs. By that I mean cleaning the kitchen(even if he does it I find the plates dirty in the cupboard) vacuuming, tidying, keeping the washing pile down. Cleaning the bathroom mystifies him. He can cook, but tends to use every single utensil in the kitchen then pile them up beside the sink. Because he cooked, he wont wash. Sweeping mopping and generally keeping the house liveable, he's hopeless.
He seems to have no comprehension of planning ahead, as in, 2 litres of milk runs out in 4 days, when do you think we need a new bottle? He cant answer that. These 'nesting' type duties are little Kleos job. Its not for a man to worry about!
But Kman is a city boy, Im a country girl. He has no knowledge of cutting and gathering wood, fencing, animal care and property maintenance. So because little Kleo has so many male aspects, its not hard for her to take on those roles too.
I coddle him like he's a pet, I feel that I moved us here, I have this dream about owning all these horses, if he had his way, we'd be in an apartment in the city, so I shouldnt make him pay for my yen for country life....Right?
My back's aching, as Ive gone hell for leather to pile up enough wood for the week. Im not quite there yet, but its my first week at my new job, and I dont want to have to run out in the dark one night because we've run out. So, still in bed this morning, I moaned how my back hurts, yet we need more wood. Kman said he'd help. I was grateful.
He's on his computer - Im on mine. He says "When are you going for wood?" I say, "Not till later, its my do nothing day" but he wants to go now, he starts going on about what an impossible woman I am, how dare I cut into his precious weekend - He works to support me after all! My God, What a Bitch!
I calmly remind him that I have yet to cost him a cent, yes, last year I cost him a pile, but this year my unemployment period has cost him NOTHING. Because my new job is paid monthly, Im going to need some help to get to my first pay day. So, yes, a month of bills that he will get promptly paid back to him on my payday.
Scathingly he says to me - "Yeah, but for how long? Bet you by this time next year, you'll be on your arse again, and I'll be paying for it."
Normally, this kind of remark would send me into a towering rage. He implies that I sit here livin it up everyday while jobless, which simply isnt true - the new fences and wood pile, not to mention clean kitchen, bathroom and noticeably absent washing pile. Oh, lets not forget the scrupulously clean animal enclosures, laundry and bed linens, can all attest as evidence for me.
But normally, Id get so damn angry because I know he's right - Im a hopeless flake that always trips and land on her face, making Kman clean up the mess. I tell him - GIVE ME YOUR BODY!! This would not happen if I was male. Go on, do it. You wont miss it - a female body is much better suited to sitting in front of the computer playing Warcraft, I can fence a whole ten acres in 2 hours with that broad shouldered frame!
He says, you wouldnt give it back. Damn fucking right I wouldnt! Oh, man strength, what I wouldnt give to have man strength! The hours Ive spent trying to free a picket from clay only to have him casually pull it out with two fingers, the times Ive spent dragging something heavy for him to wander over and pick it up with one hand. He doesnt deserve the strength of his body, he does NOTHING with it. Its a naturally athletic, sporty type body(Im naturally fat and if I dont work out every day I go round in a week) its over 6ft tall and the shoulders are about as broad as I am tall. That body should be mine. This weak little girl body is PERFECT for him. He can park in front of the computer or TV and no one can say ANYTHING - no 'girls' will bother him to do 'man' things, because he quite simply cant. He'd love it.
Anyway. I got angry, when he started going on about how this time next year I wont be working again. He kept it up too - "You havnt paid grocery bills in years" and so on, and so on. I looked up at him. I smiled a catty smile, so self confident it could have slid off my face.
"keep talkin buddy" I said, very uncharacteristically quiet and soft (I tend to bellow, I have no indoor voice) "Just keep talkin. Im about to out earn you you little bastard, and you're going to be crawling to me. You are going to have to do all this sundry work, because the primary breadwinner is going to be too fucking busy to wipe your nose"
His eyes went all flinty. "I hope so" he said "Oh, I fucking hope so!" and then proceeded into a tirade of what a horrible person I was. Keeping him from his weekend. Making him pay precious money. Keeping him from warcraft.
(The funniest thing about these tantrums he has? He says he's ready for kids, ready to be a Dad. Oh lordy.)
He's taken off to chop wood. I told him - Dont. You will pick the wrong stuff, you'll hurt your back and then it will be my fault you're hurt. Just stay safely in front of your computer like you always do and dont worry your pretty little head. I can hear the smacking out there - bet you anything he's cutting green wood. Bet you anything.
(green wood doesnt burn and can actually put your fire out.)
Im a smart lady. I know whats going on here. Number one - he was expecting sex this morning, which did not happen. Bad mood factor one. Then I start moaning about my back and work coming up - he knows with me not home jobs are going to pile up. Bad mood factor 2. Ive emasculated him by chopping a massive wood pile, bad mood factor 3. And then I remind him that this flaky, hopeless fuck up of a girl has just landed herself a better paying job than hes ever had. Whoopsie, bad mood factor 4.....Not to mention I wanted the curtains open. EXPLODE!!
The difference, is normally Id end up crying, he'd get to put his arms around me and say "There there. I didnt mean it. Of course I'll look after you. It will be ok. Kmans here" All the while with me thinking "You spoilt little bastard."
This time it all ended on that catty smile. As he left in disgust, muttering about money, I sang at his back - "Keep talkin! Keep talkin! You're going to have to eat it all back up my man, so just keep it comin!"
He doesnt realize, (obviously) this is not just another job. This is not just another thing to 'get me through'.
This is IT. The real IT the thing Ive been waiting for. I can DO this job! Very well! And even if I couldnt, its enough money that for the first time in my life I'll happily say "Oh, pass that shit over so I can eat some more - damn, this is good bullshit!" or "you want me to staple my toe to the ceiling boss? No worries" "Work the weekend? NO PROBLEM!!" My whole life I have never worked for a company that looks after its employees so well. So, its no surprise I get bored, anxious, and leave in an explosion of frustration. This job is seductive and interesting.....And its the only wage I ever said Id become a slave for.
Kman dont get it. He just doesnt realize what this opportunity means.
Within a few months, I wont have to covet his man strength, I'll be able to buy 10 if I need them. So yeah, Im glad for this pretty little girl body, because in a few months, theres going to be a heady blend of power that eclipses poor ol man strength.
I think, deep down, thats what he feels. The balance of power is about to shift, and I know men well enough to realize that he's threatened.
Shouldnt have threatened me first.
Im a male trapped in a - very hot - female body. My first attraction sexually was for women, and Ive always been the tomboy. Id rather be drinking beers kickin it with the boys than doing my hair or painting my nails with the bitching females. All my very best female friends are tough and hardened and capable of male jobs. I think I only have one true girly girl friend, and its Kmans sister.
Kman, like all men, is damn near retarded when it comes to household jobs. By that I mean cleaning the kitchen(even if he does it I find the plates dirty in the cupboard) vacuuming, tidying, keeping the washing pile down. Cleaning the bathroom mystifies him. He can cook, but tends to use every single utensil in the kitchen then pile them up beside the sink. Because he cooked, he wont wash. Sweeping mopping and generally keeping the house liveable, he's hopeless.
He seems to have no comprehension of planning ahead, as in, 2 litres of milk runs out in 4 days, when do you think we need a new bottle? He cant answer that. These 'nesting' type duties are little Kleos job. Its not for a man to worry about!
But Kman is a city boy, Im a country girl. He has no knowledge of cutting and gathering wood, fencing, animal care and property maintenance. So because little Kleo has so many male aspects, its not hard for her to take on those roles too.
I coddle him like he's a pet, I feel that I moved us here, I have this dream about owning all these horses, if he had his way, we'd be in an apartment in the city, so I shouldnt make him pay for my yen for country life....Right?
My back's aching, as Ive gone hell for leather to pile up enough wood for the week. Im not quite there yet, but its my first week at my new job, and I dont want to have to run out in the dark one night because we've run out. So, still in bed this morning, I moaned how my back hurts, yet we need more wood. Kman said he'd help. I was grateful.
He's on his computer - Im on mine. He says "When are you going for wood?" I say, "Not till later, its my do nothing day" but he wants to go now, he starts going on about what an impossible woman I am, how dare I cut into his precious weekend - He works to support me after all! My God, What a Bitch!
I calmly remind him that I have yet to cost him a cent, yes, last year I cost him a pile, but this year my unemployment period has cost him NOTHING. Because my new job is paid monthly, Im going to need some help to get to my first pay day. So, yes, a month of bills that he will get promptly paid back to him on my payday.
Scathingly he says to me - "Yeah, but for how long? Bet you by this time next year, you'll be on your arse again, and I'll be paying for it."
Normally, this kind of remark would send me into a towering rage. He implies that I sit here livin it up everyday while jobless, which simply isnt true - the new fences and wood pile, not to mention clean kitchen, bathroom and noticeably absent washing pile. Oh, lets not forget the scrupulously clean animal enclosures, laundry and bed linens, can all attest as evidence for me.
But normally, Id get so damn angry because I know he's right - Im a hopeless flake that always trips and land on her face, making Kman clean up the mess. I tell him - GIVE ME YOUR BODY!! This would not happen if I was male. Go on, do it. You wont miss it - a female body is much better suited to sitting in front of the computer playing Warcraft, I can fence a whole ten acres in 2 hours with that broad shouldered frame!
He says, you wouldnt give it back. Damn fucking right I wouldnt! Oh, man strength, what I wouldnt give to have man strength! The hours Ive spent trying to free a picket from clay only to have him casually pull it out with two fingers, the times Ive spent dragging something heavy for him to wander over and pick it up with one hand. He doesnt deserve the strength of his body, he does NOTHING with it. Its a naturally athletic, sporty type body(Im naturally fat and if I dont work out every day I go round in a week) its over 6ft tall and the shoulders are about as broad as I am tall. That body should be mine. This weak little girl body is PERFECT for him. He can park in front of the computer or TV and no one can say ANYTHING - no 'girls' will bother him to do 'man' things, because he quite simply cant. He'd love it.
Anyway. I got angry, when he started going on about how this time next year I wont be working again. He kept it up too - "You havnt paid grocery bills in years" and so on, and so on. I looked up at him. I smiled a catty smile, so self confident it could have slid off my face.
"keep talkin buddy" I said, very uncharacteristically quiet and soft (I tend to bellow, I have no indoor voice) "Just keep talkin. Im about to out earn you you little bastard, and you're going to be crawling to me. You are going to have to do all this sundry work, because the primary breadwinner is going to be too fucking busy to wipe your nose"
His eyes went all flinty. "I hope so" he said "Oh, I fucking hope so!" and then proceeded into a tirade of what a horrible person I was. Keeping him from his weekend. Making him pay precious money. Keeping him from warcraft.
(The funniest thing about these tantrums he has? He says he's ready for kids, ready to be a Dad. Oh lordy.)
He's taken off to chop wood. I told him - Dont. You will pick the wrong stuff, you'll hurt your back and then it will be my fault you're hurt. Just stay safely in front of your computer like you always do and dont worry your pretty little head. I can hear the smacking out there - bet you anything he's cutting green wood. Bet you anything.
(green wood doesnt burn and can actually put your fire out.)
Im a smart lady. I know whats going on here. Number one - he was expecting sex this morning, which did not happen. Bad mood factor one. Then I start moaning about my back and work coming up - he knows with me not home jobs are going to pile up. Bad mood factor 2. Ive emasculated him by chopping a massive wood pile, bad mood factor 3. And then I remind him that this flaky, hopeless fuck up of a girl has just landed herself a better paying job than hes ever had. Whoopsie, bad mood factor 4.....Not to mention I wanted the curtains open. EXPLODE!!
The difference, is normally Id end up crying, he'd get to put his arms around me and say "There there. I didnt mean it. Of course I'll look after you. It will be ok. Kmans here" All the while with me thinking "You spoilt little bastard."
This time it all ended on that catty smile. As he left in disgust, muttering about money, I sang at his back - "Keep talkin! Keep talkin! You're going to have to eat it all back up my man, so just keep it comin!"
He doesnt realize, (obviously) this is not just another job. This is not just another thing to 'get me through'.
This is IT. The real IT the thing Ive been waiting for. I can DO this job! Very well! And even if I couldnt, its enough money that for the first time in my life I'll happily say "Oh, pass that shit over so I can eat some more - damn, this is good bullshit!" or "you want me to staple my toe to the ceiling boss? No worries" "Work the weekend? NO PROBLEM!!" My whole life I have never worked for a company that looks after its employees so well. So, its no surprise I get bored, anxious, and leave in an explosion of frustration. This job is seductive and interesting.....And its the only wage I ever said Id become a slave for.
Kman dont get it. He just doesnt realize what this opportunity means.
Within a few months, I wont have to covet his man strength, I'll be able to buy 10 if I need them. So yeah, Im glad for this pretty little girl body, because in a few months, theres going to be a heady blend of power that eclipses poor ol man strength.
I think, deep down, thats what he feels. The balance of power is about to shift, and I know men well enough to realize that he's threatened.
Shouldnt have threatened me first.
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Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
You are a very engrossing writer, and your stories seem so real and quirky and funny.
Now, you better run out and help Kman before he hurts himself! Once you start your new job, get a woodsplitting machine and let him have at it. He can feel all manly with his boy toy without actually having to have any skill, and the wood will be split in a hundredth of the time!
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Happy Mother's Day!
I know a lot of stay home mum's who sometimes feel guilty spending money because they didn't "work" for it.
I don't. I know what I do around the house so I know I've earned it.
You don't need Kman's body....you are woman! Sure we're not designed to be as strong but we are more clever at working out problems.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Thanks sweetie! No matter how many times I try not to write about my life I fail. Gotta vent sometime!
Oh, he did alright, by the way.
Mrs M,
THANKYOU!
Happy Mothers Day for you too! You are the only one who said it to me!
And yep, we do better at some things for sure!
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
Oh, I'm just gonna shut up now. Happy Mother's Day, Kleo.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis