More on Pain
September 23rd 2008 06:58
Today, I had a great post planned.
Inspired by Californication and my once honesty, I was going to examine some of my less appealing characteristics.
Well. The migraine put an end to that.
I dont think my migraines are traditional migraines. It throbs, sure, but really, it feels like hard, clawed hands, inhuman, wrapping around my skull and squeezing.....Squeezing.....d igging the claws in under my neck, into my eyes. The red pills are supposed to stop them, have stopped them, pretty well for the last few months.
Yesterday I cleaned house. Very well. I was triumphant. I had a few vodkas - why not? Kman brought home some european beer, sure, I'll have some of that too. Of course, everytime I bring alcohol to my lips(or chocolate or coffee or anything coloured with red dye) I must think to myself - will this cause a migraine? After being on 'holiday' for quite a few weeks and drinking well each day of it, I could be forgiven for assuming I was safe yesterday.
And you know, last october, I had an episode exactly like this. And I hadnt had a drink or any kind of intoxicant for weeks.
I shuffled into concioussness this morning. I saw light - I had no idea what time it was. Kman was still beside me. I wasnt quite aware of anything.....Save little alarm bells going off inside me that whispered.....Somethings wrong!
I could feel my guts clenching, a horrid, icky sense of pressure deep inside. So, decide to make a break for the bathroom. I move. Instantly a sledgehammer smashes into my left temple, straight through to hit the other side. The pressure is immense - I cant stay upright. But my guts are screaming. I make it to the bathroom and have one of those horrid moments where you arent sure which end to put on the loo. You are damn fucking sure that you cant decide either, and you are going to end up leaving your bodily fluids everywhere but where they should be.
Feeling empty, I stagger down the hallway to find some advil. Im shaking, I cant see, all Im aware of is flashing, neon light and throbbing pounding clawing....Even though Im cold horrid sweat is pushing out of every pore. I cant find the drugs. I lay down for a second, exhausted. Finally drag myself back to bed, but have to go and throw up again. By now Kman is yelling out if Im ok. Sweating, shaking, I get back into bed.
I slept all day. Part way through the day I managed to swallow - with difficulty - two anagrane. Im not sure what they do, but they are for migraines that upset your stomach. More sleep and now at least I can move. All light is still too bright. Noise is too loud. The demonic wind refuses to let up and I have allowed myself to be terrified of it a few times. Im liking the cold air today.....
I have the ability to examine my body - speak to it, ask it what its problem is. I have encouraged healing in myself many a time for assorted injuries. But this....In this, my body cannot answer me. Upon investigation I can feel pressure - the worst of pain - but its not just in my head, its in my neck and right down my spine. My ears squeak like they need to pop even though they do, the pressure does not dissipate. Its like....Its like I have something in there that is festering, that needs to pop, to burst.
I thought the MRI would clear this shit up for good.
Inspired by Californication and my once honesty, I was going to examine some of my less appealing characteristics.
Well. The migraine put an end to that.
I dont think my migraines are traditional migraines. It throbs, sure, but really, it feels like hard, clawed hands, inhuman, wrapping around my skull and squeezing.....Squeezing.....d igging the claws in under my neck, into my eyes. The red pills are supposed to stop them, have stopped them, pretty well for the last few months.
Yesterday I cleaned house. Very well. I was triumphant. I had a few vodkas - why not? Kman brought home some european beer, sure, I'll have some of that too. Of course, everytime I bring alcohol to my lips(or chocolate or coffee or anything coloured with red dye) I must think to myself - will this cause a migraine? After being on 'holiday' for quite a few weeks and drinking well each day of it, I could be forgiven for assuming I was safe yesterday.
And you know, last october, I had an episode exactly like this. And I hadnt had a drink or any kind of intoxicant for weeks.
I shuffled into concioussness this morning. I saw light - I had no idea what time it was. Kman was still beside me. I wasnt quite aware of anything.....Save little alarm bells going off inside me that whispered.....Somethings wrong!
I could feel my guts clenching, a horrid, icky sense of pressure deep inside. So, decide to make a break for the bathroom. I move. Instantly a sledgehammer smashes into my left temple, straight through to hit the other side. The pressure is immense - I cant stay upright. But my guts are screaming. I make it to the bathroom and have one of those horrid moments where you arent sure which end to put on the loo. You are damn fucking sure that you cant decide either, and you are going to end up leaving your bodily fluids everywhere but where they should be.
Feeling empty, I stagger down the hallway to find some advil. Im shaking, I cant see, all Im aware of is flashing, neon light and throbbing pounding clawing....Even though Im cold horrid sweat is pushing out of every pore. I cant find the drugs. I lay down for a second, exhausted. Finally drag myself back to bed, but have to go and throw up again. By now Kman is yelling out if Im ok. Sweating, shaking, I get back into bed.
I slept all day. Part way through the day I managed to swallow - with difficulty - two anagrane. Im not sure what they do, but they are for migraines that upset your stomach. More sleep and now at least I can move. All light is still too bright. Noise is too loud. The demonic wind refuses to let up and I have allowed myself to be terrified of it a few times. Im liking the cold air today.....
I have the ability to examine my body - speak to it, ask it what its problem is. I have encouraged healing in myself many a time for assorted injuries. But this....In this, my body cannot answer me. Upon investigation I can feel pressure - the worst of pain - but its not just in my head, its in my neck and right down my spine. My ears squeak like they need to pop even though they do, the pressure does not dissipate. Its like....Its like I have something in there that is festering, that needs to pop, to burst.
I thought the MRI would clear this shit up for good.
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Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
You describe migraines perfectly. I've had four in the last ten days and I don't know why. That part is infuriating. I don't feel overworked or distressed, yet they keep coming.
So now I keep my Maxalon and Panadeine in my bag at all times and when my eyesight starts flickering, I take something straightaway.
The pain still arrives, knifing through my head but I have to try something.
It takes me days to recover, it's probably the same for you?
Tracy
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Before they put me on the red pills, I just woke up with the pounding everyday. I got used to it and I just had 'good headache' days and 'bad headache' days and then 'episodes' where I couldnt do anything but moan and throw up. I had an episode exactly like this last October and I went to hospital - I'd never felt so bad. They couldnt do anything for me, but I was referred to nuero who got me an MRI - clean, so back to the GP who gave me the red pills.....I thought I was safe you know? Id never felt so good. But now its back the way I was before. They will probably just up the dose, but what if I get used to that too?
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
I know what you mean about being concerned that you might need the dosage higher at some stage, but if they are giving you a rest at least that's something. It's not ideal though. I imagine you're bloody frustrated at not knowing why they happen.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Im not sure if it makes it better or worse, but I know what CAUSES mine....In my last year of primary school I came off a horse - at high speed over a jump - and woke up on the ground with the helmet in two pieces. I never had any kind of problem with headaches until then. In the years after the accident I developed serious emotional problems - headaches lead to sleeplessness and concentration issues, and hallucinations soon came along for the ride too. So, I know why I just live with a sore neck and my head never really stops pounding. Thats only one head injury too - Ive had at least 7 that were serious, Ive even had a fractured eye socket! Ive had doctors tell me my head should have come clean off from the force and they dont know how I survived. When I cracked the helmet in two I actually took it with me to hospital and the doctor was horrified - "that should have been your skull!"
But, as you say, it would be nice to know what causes it to suddenly go into over drive. I believe its all got to do with hormones.
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
Hope you both manage to sort something out with them, I also suffer from them but not on a regular basis thank goodness. I`m hoping that it`s worse than childbirth... coz they are about the extent of my pain threshold
Apparently there`s nothing you can really do for them but just suffer through it all? great hope!
Ash
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I think the really bad ones for me are allergy triggered - I know my hormones play a large part, but it seems every october, SPRING, I get a really bad attack that affects my whole body and makes me throw up, and now Im having ongoing sinus issues that are causing more headaches....
But no more alcohol, Oh God No....