Random Rumblings from the Dark....
April 28th 2008 00:46
I think its going to snow.
The air has that crispness to it, and yesterday, the strange balmy heat in the air. The clouds lifted up and away and the ceiling of the sky has raised up letting the cold air fill us up. I think the rains returning. But there will be ice, there will be snow. The water table beneath us will freeze - it has already begun.
Im supposed to be calling up the job today. Its kind of urgent, as Ive run out of money. But Ive got the flu, the bastard tricked me and I didnt realize I even HAD the flu. Magnus is injured and Im expecting a feed delivery, not to mention I need wood, so I think I'll let my responsabilities slide....Hey, Ive washed the sheets and done the kitchen - what more do you want?
First me. So I go to the doctor about the mysterious almost dying symptoms. She gives me a pregnancy test, finding Im not pregnant, she concludes Im 'Not Normal' and tells me to eat light for a few days. Right. Thanks. Saturday night I get the soft but insistant ache over my left temple, that lets me know Im going to be crippled the next morning. I hate this feeling, this headache, its not technically a migraine, but it hurts like one, and it always warns me like this.
So I awake crippled on Sunday. First I try codiene and more sleep. Then anagraine and more sleep. Then, I try a long shot - Valerian. Its a natural herb, designed to treat insomnia but its actually an antispasmodic. I figure, somethings having a spasam, this should work!
To my surprise it does - by turning on my nose as if its a tap. The pain dissapears as it moves into my now violently sneezing sinus. So now Ive got the flu. Who knows how long it sat in my head for.
Friday we found Mags injured - I got up late and mum told me everyone was fine. It wasnt until the end of the day I took his rug off and found his chest torn open. Its funny, in the face of torn skin, blood pus and general carnage, I looked at it and breathed a sigh of relief - Oh, Thank God. No organs visible, no bones, no viens, nothing pulsing. Just a very nasty rip of flesh. The vet comes and Magnus gets a lot of drugs and attention. He's recovering in the house yard. It looks like he was scratching with the pony next door and someone forgot there was a fence in between....
And 3 days off with Kman have been heaven. God I wish he was here now. I'll have to try and convince him to have a sickie on my birthday. Its just so much fun to lay around on top of each other talking about things no one understands....
It took some doing, but I got my last season of Buffy. I'll be parking my sick self in front of it soon. I gotta say, I dont know what other people do when they watch things, but I dont just sit there. If Im not sketching or something I listen to every word - I look at the items in the room and the words that were chosen. I analyse intent, poetry, imagery, suggestion. Clues in this scene that may help me understand the meaning in another? And the fight scenes, ooo, when choreographed correctly theyre a dream. But theres also the fun of drama - what would you do tied to a chair? How would you escape?
The winter has darkened me, as usual. Theres my old friend to play with, who must enjoy the cold because he always shows up now, and theres the other thing. To think, I forgot about the other thing for so long. Its return must be my fault and no one else's. Of course, I had a trigger.
But now....I can be anywhere, on the train, on the couch, feeding the ponies - when an image will come to me. An urge. Definitely part of a delusion. Sometimes its so strong I moan with need. Its never been so strong. I taste copper in my mouth and I cant get it to go away. I am two people at once. How can they know each other so well and yet never connect in the eyes that see me? I work so hard to just be the one that is seen, to never more than threaten with this other demon self who lives in my blood.....
But she's thirsty. The games are not enough for her now and the voices whisper and then theyre playing movies for me, letting me see the destruction of my enemies, oh, to live again without the fear of course its seductive to me for so many reasons...
They know - Most people do not need this much encouragement! Most people would already have broken free of their bonds, screaming and flailing they throw off society and the rules of being a 'modern human'....
Yet I do not. I have my purpose. I have a .....Plan, of sorts.
But it tends to mean nothing when they make up the rules.
The air has that crispness to it, and yesterday, the strange balmy heat in the air. The clouds lifted up and away and the ceiling of the sky has raised up letting the cold air fill us up. I think the rains returning. But there will be ice, there will be snow. The water table beneath us will freeze - it has already begun.
Im supposed to be calling up the job today. Its kind of urgent, as Ive run out of money. But Ive got the flu, the bastard tricked me and I didnt realize I even HAD the flu. Magnus is injured and Im expecting a feed delivery, not to mention I need wood, so I think I'll let my responsabilities slide....Hey, Ive washed the sheets and done the kitchen - what more do you want?
First me. So I go to the doctor about the mysterious almost dying symptoms. She gives me a pregnancy test, finding Im not pregnant, she concludes Im 'Not Normal' and tells me to eat light for a few days. Right. Thanks. Saturday night I get the soft but insistant ache over my left temple, that lets me know Im going to be crippled the next morning. I hate this feeling, this headache, its not technically a migraine, but it hurts like one, and it always warns me like this.
So I awake crippled on Sunday. First I try codiene and more sleep. Then anagraine and more sleep. Then, I try a long shot - Valerian. Its a natural herb, designed to treat insomnia but its actually an antispasmodic. I figure, somethings having a spasam, this should work!
To my surprise it does - by turning on my nose as if its a tap. The pain dissapears as it moves into my now violently sneezing sinus. So now Ive got the flu. Who knows how long it sat in my head for.
Friday we found Mags injured - I got up late and mum told me everyone was fine. It wasnt until the end of the day I took his rug off and found his chest torn open. Its funny, in the face of torn skin, blood pus and general carnage, I looked at it and breathed a sigh of relief - Oh, Thank God. No organs visible, no bones, no viens, nothing pulsing. Just a very nasty rip of flesh. The vet comes and Magnus gets a lot of drugs and attention. He's recovering in the house yard. It looks like he was scratching with the pony next door and someone forgot there was a fence in between....
And 3 days off with Kman have been heaven. God I wish he was here now. I'll have to try and convince him to have a sickie on my birthday. Its just so much fun to lay around on top of each other talking about things no one understands....
It took some doing, but I got my last season of Buffy. I'll be parking my sick self in front of it soon. I gotta say, I dont know what other people do when they watch things, but I dont just sit there. If Im not sketching or something I listen to every word - I look at the items in the room and the words that were chosen. I analyse intent, poetry, imagery, suggestion. Clues in this scene that may help me understand the meaning in another? And the fight scenes, ooo, when choreographed correctly theyre a dream. But theres also the fun of drama - what would you do tied to a chair? How would you escape?
The winter has darkened me, as usual. Theres my old friend to play with, who must enjoy the cold because he always shows up now, and theres the other thing. To think, I forgot about the other thing for so long. Its return must be my fault and no one else's. Of course, I had a trigger.
But now....I can be anywhere, on the train, on the couch, feeding the ponies - when an image will come to me. An urge. Definitely part of a delusion. Sometimes its so strong I moan with need. Its never been so strong. I taste copper in my mouth and I cant get it to go away. I am two people at once. How can they know each other so well and yet never connect in the eyes that see me? I work so hard to just be the one that is seen, to never more than threaten with this other demon self who lives in my blood.....
But she's thirsty. The games are not enough for her now and the voices whisper and then theyre playing movies for me, letting me see the destruction of my enemies, oh, to live again without the fear of course its seductive to me for so many reasons...
They know - Most people do not need this much encouragement! Most people would already have broken free of their bonds, screaming and flailing they throw off society and the rules of being a 'modern human'....
Yet I do not. I have my purpose. I have a .....Plan, of sorts.
But it tends to mean nothing when they make up the rules.
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Comment by tlcorbin
Raven
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
But it tends to mean nothing when they make up the rules.
I hope you feel better soon.
And I think it did snow in the mountains. That wind this morning went right through me.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Its just a mild flu, hasnt slowed me down too much. I wish my health didnt affect my world so much. And I was right, it snowed.
Mrs M,
Yep, it did snow. Got this weather bit worked out! Im feelin ok, not too bad a flu.