This Week
February 24th 2010 00:06
This weeks been a tough one.
On Monday I was once again bouyed with hope at the sight of rural properties increasing. There was one that looked promising, and it was even more so when I spoke to the agent, who seemed excited to hear from me. Love polite agents.
I told mum, thinking myself utterly safe. After all, I dropped the news on her awhile ago and there was little to no reaction. However, I forgot about the lie in wait, get em unawares approach. She blew her stack this time. I wont go into the details, but to my utter surprise, I was in a rock solid position and nothing she said could rock me from it. That was on Monday and I dont think we've said a word to each other since. Sad, I know, but Im way past the 'be a big person' stage. Ive been the Big Person my whole life. Its just awfully tired about now.
Kman suggested a show of independance - something I had already planned. Mum and Bro think they are instrumental as they pick me up from work and take me grocery shopping. Its a nasty little spot of blackmail, and Ive let them get away with it just because I didnt feel the need to let them know they were unessecery. Now I did. Ive planned to stagger the grocery shopping over a few days - Im at work every bloody day anyway - and perhaps get a lift with a friend with some heavier items. And, I got myself home from work.
This has been, since the beginning, a ridiculous issue. At 16, I roamed streets, shopping centres and train stations and no one gave a care. Mum never even noticed. At 18, going to TAFE, mum was there to notice, but obviously didnt care, that I went through dangerous areas at 4am and then at 7pm on my way home. Then, all of a sudden, when Im nearly 30, Im not allowed to get my own way home in a suburb much safer than the ones Id been in before. To make matters even more ridiculous, employees half my age are going to the station or walking home. So when they would start whining about picking me up, it grated me. No matter how many times I told them I didnt need it, the argument continued.
Well, this time there was none. On Monday I got a lift to the station which was nice, and very much enjoyed my walk in the dark. Last night I had trouble with the sign off clock - I knew I had only 20 mins to get to the station, something I should be able to make, but the efforts of signing off made me late. I ran part of the way. I got to the station feeling fantastic - once again acquanted with the exercise high, breathing hard but not panting, heart pumping but not pounding, I realized how fit I was. Its a lovely feeling, particularly for an asthmatic smoker who has a host of other health problems.
On that note, Thurs Im having another scan to get a closer look at this 'thing' in my sinus. After that, its ENT, and probable surgery. I cant wait, actually. My ears ache, and I get the worst stabbing pains in them. Sinus always blocked and pouring green gunk. So yeah, I cant wait.
Last night Kman and I looked up the new place on the map. Its really, too far. No shed for horse feed. Worst of all, its surrounded by horses, lots and lots of horses. This will never work. Its in situations like this that stallions become big trouble. No way will he stay put when he can see them that close, challenging males and lovely females.
Still, I dont give up. There are more properties every day and it cant be long until a suitable one pops up.
On Monday I was once again bouyed with hope at the sight of rural properties increasing. There was one that looked promising, and it was even more so when I spoke to the agent, who seemed excited to hear from me. Love polite agents.
I told mum, thinking myself utterly safe. After all, I dropped the news on her awhile ago and there was little to no reaction. However, I forgot about the lie in wait, get em unawares approach. She blew her stack this time. I wont go into the details, but to my utter surprise, I was in a rock solid position and nothing she said could rock me from it. That was on Monday and I dont think we've said a word to each other since. Sad, I know, but Im way past the 'be a big person' stage. Ive been the Big Person my whole life. Its just awfully tired about now.
Kman suggested a show of independance - something I had already planned. Mum and Bro think they are instrumental as they pick me up from work and take me grocery shopping. Its a nasty little spot of blackmail, and Ive let them get away with it just because I didnt feel the need to let them know they were unessecery. Now I did. Ive planned to stagger the grocery shopping over a few days - Im at work every bloody day anyway - and perhaps get a lift with a friend with some heavier items. And, I got myself home from work.
This has been, since the beginning, a ridiculous issue. At 16, I roamed streets, shopping centres and train stations and no one gave a care. Mum never even noticed. At 18, going to TAFE, mum was there to notice, but obviously didnt care, that I went through dangerous areas at 4am and then at 7pm on my way home. Then, all of a sudden, when Im nearly 30, Im not allowed to get my own way home in a suburb much safer than the ones Id been in before. To make matters even more ridiculous, employees half my age are going to the station or walking home. So when they would start whining about picking me up, it grated me. No matter how many times I told them I didnt need it, the argument continued.
Well, this time there was none. On Monday I got a lift to the station which was nice, and very much enjoyed my walk in the dark. Last night I had trouble with the sign off clock - I knew I had only 20 mins to get to the station, something I should be able to make, but the efforts of signing off made me late. I ran part of the way. I got to the station feeling fantastic - once again acquanted with the exercise high, breathing hard but not panting, heart pumping but not pounding, I realized how fit I was. Its a lovely feeling, particularly for an asthmatic smoker who has a host of other health problems.
On that note, Thurs Im having another scan to get a closer look at this 'thing' in my sinus. After that, its ENT, and probable surgery. I cant wait, actually. My ears ache, and I get the worst stabbing pains in them. Sinus always blocked and pouring green gunk. So yeah, I cant wait.
Last night Kman and I looked up the new place on the map. Its really, too far. No shed for horse feed. Worst of all, its surrounded by horses, lots and lots of horses. This will never work. Its in situations like this that stallions become big trouble. No way will he stay put when he can see them that close, challenging males and lovely females.
Still, I dont give up. There are more properties every day and it cant be long until a suitable one pops up.
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