What The...?
December 20th 2007 08:00
As I sit here I can literally feel the paracetamol and codiene melting my many pains away. Numbing nerve blockers slowly squeezing down my body.....I cant feel my aching, scarred toes, the massive blister on the bottom of my left foot, the kick to my knee, bite to my hand, bruising on my back from a fall earlier this week.....
I can feel the painkillers twisting my guts savagely between strong fingers, the downside to the painkilling drugs of the world. Ouch man. Does it ever end?
Last week, I worked 6 days straight, and I expected to almost die. Instead I worked everyday with enthusiasam and energy. This week should have been a breeze, standard week before my brief chrissi holiday.
This week I just havnt been able to get it together. Ive had a lot to do at home and at work. I havnt rushed to bed like normal, desperate to enjoy the lovely night. When its disturbed sleep anyway, there doesnt seem much point.
Its....Difficult taking sick time right now. BUt Ive pretty much made up my mind, Im not going tomorrow, no matter what they do to me. Ive slipped, Ive been bitten, kicked....Im wandering around in a daze.
What I want to know is, why cant I keep up with the rat race? I just cant do what everyone else does - I get sick, I get sore, then its more sick time for me. Yep, I have a physical job and it doesnt help, but Im still young and pretty healthy. Why is it the old buggers can plug along while I feel like Im dying?
Im going to start looking for another job, just cos Im sick of that "you cant keep up" attitude. But Id like to know why....Its becoming a bit of a pattern.
And it never happens the way I expect. Just when I feel great and like tackling thwe world is when the exhaustion hits.....Leaving me gasping, WTF?
I can feel the painkillers twisting my guts savagely between strong fingers, the downside to the painkilling drugs of the world. Ouch man. Does it ever end?
Last week, I worked 6 days straight, and I expected to almost die. Instead I worked everyday with enthusiasam and energy. This week should have been a breeze, standard week before my brief chrissi holiday.
This week I just havnt been able to get it together. Ive had a lot to do at home and at work. I havnt rushed to bed like normal, desperate to enjoy the lovely night. When its disturbed sleep anyway, there doesnt seem much point.
Its....Difficult taking sick time right now. BUt Ive pretty much made up my mind, Im not going tomorrow, no matter what they do to me. Ive slipped, Ive been bitten, kicked....Im wandering around in a daze.
What I want to know is, why cant I keep up with the rat race? I just cant do what everyone else does - I get sick, I get sore, then its more sick time for me. Yep, I have a physical job and it doesnt help, but Im still young and pretty healthy. Why is it the old buggers can plug along while I feel like Im dying?
Im going to start looking for another job, just cos Im sick of that "you cant keep up" attitude. But Id like to know why....Its becoming a bit of a pattern.
And it never happens the way I expect. Just when I feel great and like tackling thwe world is when the exhaustion hits.....Leaving me gasping, WTF?
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Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
Stay mute if they question you, and you may well stay a bit longer and break the chain and not be so noticed for absences. Don't be so willing to quit, just hang in there, they can't drive everyone to death, they just won't have any workers left then.
Try a little gamesmanship and let me know how you go.
katyzzz. Your drug descriptions were brilliant.
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
My goodness it sounds like you have had a rather hairy week! I hope you manage to take some rest today.... and no sleeping makes everything ten times worse - especially when those lovely daymares pop in to pay a visit.
I have just spent a few days on my back with my re-curring pain. Seems a childhood trauma will return for the rest of my life - already even at my age I have lost a lot of mobility in my one arm.
I went for scans and x-rays - but this injury happened 18 years ago - that`s 18 years of growing and wear and tear to cover it up. They seem to think it is one thing, but I know my body. You kinda get torn between the professionals and your feelings of your own body.
Perhaps I should try this combination - nothing I have had seems to have worked and I`m not a lover of pills so you would think they would work when they were in my system. I start intensive physiotherapy this weekend but that worries me too - prodding and pushing so harshly on ones body is painful and not good!
Don`t worry I feel like such a lazy git when I think of the older generation slaving away and me complaining about my ailments. I believe that we have less nutrition than other generations - food and water wise - and so our bodies are not as strong???? I read an article the other day on nutrition - in the past 100 years 85% of nutrients in soil has been depleted and even if we have a healthy lifetsyle and eat the right foods now we should take suppliments as we will never get the right nutrition from the food we eat.
Are we the warning generation for the future? Is our world working toward a world of zombies and we are the ones that should be warning of things to come? Life is too short to spend it in slave labour I reckon - no matter what anyone says. YOur life, your decision!
I hope you feel better soon
Ash
Comment by tlcorbin
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard week and are in so much pain. Your descriptions were so vivid, I could almost feel them.
I have a few medical things that mean that I can’t work full-time and sometimes not at all. It took me years to accept this and pushing myself too hard so that the medical stuff gets worse. Somehow it has eroded my self-confidence (which wasn’t that brilliant in the first place) and feel like I can’t see certain people because I haven’t got a job to talk/complain about. It just seems that so many people sacrifice much of their life to work, much like Ash was saying.
I think both katyzzz, Ash and Raven have given some excellent suggestions, be kind to yourself, which I know can be hard.
I wish you better days that are pain-free and less agonising, Kleo.
Ash, I’m sorry to hear of your injury and I hope the physio helps.
Best wishes to you all,
Trace
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Take it easy on your poor body and look after yourself!
Thanks to a botched knee operation when I was a child and a subsequent reconstruction when I was a teenager, I have arthritis in my knees. A couple of years ago it was so bad somedays that I'd be sitting at my desk unable to get up. And I wasn't even 30 then. I worry what it'll be like when I'm 60 or 70!!!! Don't want to think about it.
Be good to your poor tired body and take care
Kylie
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Ask yourself this instead...why do the rats need to race?
I feel for you darling Kleo. Please don't be so harsh on yourself. I know it's easier said than done and it's hard to take it easy when there's mouths to be fed and bills to be paid, etc but...like Ash, Raven, Tracy and KW have said...be kind to yourself.
Perhaps your body is 'rebelling' against the responsibility? By that I don't mean that you can't handle responsibility....but I do know from what I've read in your posts that you've had to take on far more than you were perhaps emotionally ready for, at an early age.
...and I'm going to stop now. That was my no sense worth.
Merry Christmas Kleo. I wish for you an energised and rejuvenated holy trinity of mind, spirit and body.
Dusk
ps. Ash, T, KW...sympathetic hugs...but not too hard!
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
As you know I have left most of my feelings on this during our chat on your previous post ... and must echo the others here ... you must take a break.
TIME OUT!
Learning to nuture yourself again ...trying to live without regret. These are the things that the 'victim' must re-learn and why it is so hard to let go of the anger for having been pushed there... I know how hard that can be.
Have your tried walking the other way completely and said stuff it, what will be will be?
Everything happens in it's own time - the right time - and not before... it is wise to try and 'find your time again' ... realign yourself to your own time, your own personal legend... it is waiting to progress and heal the wounds that are causing the pain...
I wish you all the peace, joy and happiness that the silly season can bring you ... and hope it aligns you again soon.
Much affection,
Lilla ...
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Katyzzz,
Im very familiar with the drugs of the world...Their pleasures and side effects. Thanks for your kindness, and Im playin games alright!
Ash,
Honey, I agree with what you say about food and nutrition. Spot on!
For your pain...Heat packs, and when its too much, Mercyndol. You can buy it over the counter, the night time version. Its paracetamol, codiene plus a muscle relaxant. I usually only need to take one and it sorts out my muscles when nothing else will.
We sure are heralding the next generation - but is anyone listening?
Raven
Good advice my man. I did have a long duck cuddle yesterday!
Tracy,
I fear that might be me soon. Ive sought part time work most of the time cos I KNOW somethings wrong, soon I might know what it is. Restin up for the next few days at least...
Kylie,
Great to see you, and man, I get that alright! If this is 20 something pain, what the hell is 40 something pain going to be! Dont you just wish you didnt have such a good imagination sometimes?
Dearest Dusk,
Yeah, I get it, I hate the race and the bloody rats....I just always end up with a sense of responsability....Its a killer!
Lilla,
Love. Its been awile since I did something...Me. Im trying, but it just doesnt seem to work. As for living like it never happened, Im finally over that (what, 6 years later?) its a hard issue, because ptsd hit when I got back from Korea, which was traumatic in itself, then mums horse died(still cant find the link for him!) and so I blamed all of that. It was once that was in the past I kept having nightmares and wondering why? and now at least I know....Something that I thought was nothing has turned out to be something!
Once again, cue the final scene of Kill Bill, 'truly and utterly Bill...'
"Could you do what you did? Of course you could. But I dint think, that you WOULD, or COULD do that to me"
And, I reiterate - I still dont know if he did ANYTHING!! Its the NOT KNOWING!! Did he do it? Did he want it done? WAS HE WATCHING FOR FUCKS SAKES!!!
Sorry. Got a bit out of hand there. Its the unanswered questions that are causing the unfinisjhed business.....God help him if I see him on the street.
Thanks as always for being here and listening.....
To ALL......
After a fall at work Ive been directed to see the nuerologist, which I will be doing on the 7th of January. What tests he recommends are up to him, but Im going to push hard for a long overdue MRI. This may answer a lot of questions about my health as one blood clot or piece of scar tissue could be responsable for all my physical problems. Wish me luck everyone....
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I'll be thinking of you at work.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Ive been thinking of you everyday. Thanks for holding my hand dearest....