Kalikapsychosis - "Perfection is what its about. When you can feel, the perfection, of creation. The beauty of physics, the wonder of mathematics all the elation of action, and reaction, and that is the kind of perfection that I want to be connected to" - Sam, hooked into the data stream

Why Im a bad person

March 29th 2007 04:07

I am a bad person because...................... ....

* I do not thank the Earth or the Universe for all the wonderful things I have

* I like to create mystery about my character - fooling people into thinking Im nice so they do what I want

* I am completely selfish. I go my own way and expect everyone to follow

* I am completely frustrated, depressed, and angry, all the time

* I am an extremely good actress - what you see is not what you get

* I have found true love and yet I want to be alone, so I try to sabotage a beautiful relationship and hurt an equally beautiful man

* No matter how many doctors I see, I never tell them the truth, why should I? I dont trust a single one no matter how expensive his office is

* I hate all councillors(yes, I am one) because they constantly meddle in affairs they have no idea about

* I have the most evil sexual fantasies

* I daydream of murder and mayhem

* I think 'assasin' would be my perfect job

* My animals love me more than I love them ( I think?) - and I love being their queen

* I love to take drugs and champion the taking of them as if its heroic

* I truly believe a few million dollars would solve every single problem I have and make me happy

* I like pain. My own or that of others

* I feel pain and greif more keenly than joy and pleasure. Its been so long since I felt real pleasure Id rather have the pain now - at least its real

* I always hope the bad guys will win in the movies

* I believe utterly the line from south park - " Without evil there would be no good so it must be good to be evil sometimes"

* I want to be a billionare tyrant - complete with charities and goodwill to hide every tax dodge and the amount of people I have to murder to stay on top

* I believe my artistic and creative potiental is unrivalled

* I believe that I am right - Its the rest of the world that has it screwed up

* I believe that my perspective on the soul strata system is completely correct and anyone who doesnt believe me is in for it when they die

* I blame the lesser Gods for every single thing that goes even the slightest bit wrong - then throw myself on their mercy lest they do it again

* I believe that all the bad things that happen stem from my sinful thoughts - "with the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes"

* Yet, I also believe, if I could be truly evil instead of just evil pretending to be good it would all fall into place

* I am power hungry

* I cannot control any aspect of my personality - A bruised thumb in the morning can mean shrilling at my man the second he walks in the door 10 hrs later - yet I dont see the connection

* I am lazy

* I hate religion and try to thwart its influence everywhere I go

* I believe everyone is stupid for not seeing things my way

* I like to shock people

* I am manipulative

* I cant hold down a steady job - all those freaks hate me, why should I attempt to be friendly?

* I see the great mass of humanity as a disease that must be eradicated

* I should never have been born - 5 years in the sperm donor program, countless miscarriages then I was born dead anyway. Add to that a mother who wants me to be a doll and a Dad who's shot through more times than I can count and I wonder why they bothered at all.

* I still believe every single kid who teased me - said I was weird, fat, untalented, stupid....No matter my success'

* Every success seems like a failure because the horizon just changed

* No matter how far I come nothing ever seems to change

* When I need a dollar I fantasize and plan out robberies

* Whenever Im happy its just a brief respite before the depression returns - with reinforcements

* I enjoy a good bit of self abuse

* If I never should have been born, and feel disconnected to the world and emotions in general, where are we exactly? DO I even exist then? Is all this angst just because....I am...The Antichrist? Am I going to morph my physical form sometime soon and call down the four horseman to destroy this awful, awful place and all its sinful creates in a huge, bloody fire?

* And finally, to round up.....I may be hard on myself, but really, Im just following the crowd....(for once)

Chew on this for a bit - Qoutes from 'Brave New World'

"If you allowed yourselves to think of God, you wouldnt allow yourselves to be degraded by pleasant vices. You'd have a reason for bearing things patiently, for doing things with courage"

"If you had a God, you'd have a reason for self denial"

" But Industrial civilization is only possible when there's no self denial. Self indulgence up to the very limits imposed by hygiene and economics"

" You cant have a lasting civilization without plenty of pleasant vices"

And what was the 'Brave New World' quote my english teacher thought best described me?

" But I dont want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin"

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Posted By: Kleonaptra - Category: Sketchin, The Random

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Comments

18 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Wendi

March 29th 2007 04:41

Most of it sounds pretty normal to me. We're all massochistic in some form or another, to a degree. We all have thoughts that are less than pure. We just express them differently. I found myself nodding through a lot of this.

Comment by Kleonaptra

March 29th 2007 05:17

Kalikapsychosis

Thanks...Im just having a very, very dark day today....
Combination of not being able to cut and paste so even though adsense accepted me Im totally lost on what to do....And I had a landlord screaming at me today.....

Comment by Tracy

March 29th 2007 05:26

Movies and Life

Hello Kleo

You sound down, not a bad person. I hope you're OK, take it easy on yourself,

Trace x

PS Your art is phenomenal.

Comment by Tracy

March 29th 2007 05:30

Movies and Life

PS Like Wendi said, I also found myself agreeing to some of your list.....

PPS AdSense was a complete nightmare to me too.....as you can see in this post. I did get there in the end though, after many emails to Google and AdSense....

Comment by Mrs M

March 29th 2007 09:39

Mum's Word

This list doesn't make you bad, it makes you honest. And that is definitely not bad.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

Comment by Ash

March 29th 2007 10:42

Flashes of memories

Hey K,

I agree with what everyone else has said, sorry to do that but they said it all so well.

Perhaps in amongst there just remember that every cloud has a silver lining... and que sera sera....

look in a mirror K...sometimes you can find yourself by looking at yourself...

hugs

ash

Comment by Ash

March 29th 2007 10:47

Flashes of memories

btw while I was reading your post one of those tiny, tiny little grasshoppers kept jumping on the screen...in dreams they apparently mean...

To see a grasshopper in your dream, symbolizes freedom, independence or spiritual enlightenment. Alternatively, it indicates your inability to settle down or commit to a decision.

dunno why i had to tell you that, but I did...

Comment by Wendi

March 29th 2007 15:27

*shivers*... ooooh! Loving that grasshopper connection! I get so tickled when people pay attention to the messages of nature!

Comment by Ash

March 29th 2007 21:01

Flashes of memories

he was just hopping all over the screen like a mad thing Wendi... lol if he could have whipped out a banner and a marching band I`m sure he would have

Comment by Lilla

March 29th 2007 23:38

From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop

HI Kleo,

... looks like you took a long hard look in the mirror this morning?

...You must be a very good counsellor to see all this ...

;o)

Hope you feel better soon.

Lilla .,.

Comment by KylieW

March 30th 2007 00:08

Celebrity Obsession

Kleo,

I have to agree with everyone else here. There's so many things in your list that I agree with. I don't think it makes you a bad person. Just human with human quirks and failings.

At least you're honest and brave enough to put your weaknesses in writing for the world to see (I'm not!!!!).

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Kylie

Comment by Tracy

March 30th 2007 00:26

Movies and Life

Hi everyone

I like this suggestion, Ash: look in a mirror K...sometimes you can find yourself by looking at yourself...

I think it's true, I might try it on one of my darker days,

Much warmth to everyone,

Tracy

Comment by Tracy

March 30th 2007 00:27

Movies and Life

PS I love the synchronicity of the grasshopper...I think there's definitely a message in that....

Comment by Kleonaptra

March 30th 2007 00:29

Kalikapsychosis

WOW. Thankyou all!
Wendi, always a pleasure. Got a few grasshoppers around here but theyre not all nice. Got some biters.
Tracy,
Oh, thankyou, thankyou, flattery will get you everywhere!! You know, I heard everyones problems with adsense yet I lept in with total confidence....My man tried to fix it last night, believing that if he can do a download patch and hook up ventrilo for World Of Warcraft this should be a cinch....He almost threw the laptop out the window.....Thanks again for complimenting my 2 dimensional artistry....
Mrs M,
I often describe myself as honest as a heart attack. I cant stand the smallest of lies. Thanks for your comment...
Ash,
You know Id rather have the cloud itself! Thanks for telling me about the grasshopper....How did he get in there?
Lilla,
I just got to a point where I couldnt bear the guilt any more and had to try and find out all the worst of myself. If you asked me for a list of good qualities you'd probably only get 2! I couldnt stand going through every day 'pretending' to be little miss perfect....I wanted to make it abundantly clear to myself that I wasnt squeaky clean. Having someone abuse me for things I had no control over is always a great start to the day too.
KylieW,
Im glad that you and everyone else here could empathize or sympathize with things on the list. I love to explore human nature at its worst, because I think ignoring it leads to true evil. Honest? Yes. Brave? I dont know. To me its just a matter of being upfront - Id rather get all the bad stuff out there then let it sneak up on me! Im feeling much better today, thankyou.

Comment by Ash

March 30th 2007 01:29

Flashes of memories

Hi K,

Not sure how the little guy got in there... he just appeared! Someone must have left the screen door open or he wanted to deliver you a message

ash

Comment by Wendi

March 30th 2007 03:17

"if he could have whipped out a banner and a marching band I`m sure he would have "

ROFLMAO

Comment by Anonymous

April 13th 2007 02:24

Contrary to most comments, I personally have schemed most if not all of your points. And for me, they were not a midlife crisis of some sorts, they were my strong beliefs. I often fear I'd do put them to executions and in my worst moments, I'd lock myself up or made sure I was busy doing something positive that I liked, like gaming or reading. It was all before I discovered the vertues of the green-yellow